Father

Me: Hello Father. I have never seen you before. My picture is always of Jesus.

God the Father: I know, son. I hope you are not disappointed.

Me: Of course, not. It is just a surprise. And I don’t even know what to ask you, other than why I have never spontaneously seen you before today?

God the Father: Because you are a father now, and you have been asking questions in your heart of Me, and I am here to answer you as your Father.

Me: But why not before? I still needed a Father.

God the Father: Yes, but you were not ready to listen to Me. You are and were angry with Me. You did not understand the desire of a Father for his children, so you could not see past your own blame. Now you see differently, because you look at your son, and you realize that there is nothing that could make you want to separate yourself from him. You know I feel the same about you, and you are willing to look at me without blaming me for the things in your life that have made you hurt, because you are beginning to be able to relate to Me.

Me: Well, I still don’t understand Lord, the progress of my life. Such promise as a kid, given promises that fill up my heart and my head with delusions of grandeur, and then I waste the majority of my life scraping by. And whether or not I am to blame for my misadventures, which I am sure I am, I feel like I had no help, no direction, no provision, none of the psalmists’ words to describe Your name showing up in my life to get me back on track.

God the Father: Do you know which track that is, Patrick? As far as I understand, you don’t, by your own admission. Let me tell you something about who you are. You are MY SON, bearing a striking resemblance to me, but different. The nature of Me in you is this: that from nothing, something is brought forth. You may consider your life of no account, and that is fine. I see your life, I look at your past, I hear everything you have ever said to Me, and I know what lies ahead, good and bad. Your so called “no account” life is the canvas upon which My nature wreaks holy havoc. But it is not for Me to do it, it is for you to find My nature in yourself and allow it to be released upon the world. Only now are you beginning to understand My creative essence. Yes, I told you about creative Love and how it is the essence of creativity, but you still are a novice to Love. Love is both an emotion and a decision, which are countercyclical. The emotion reinforces the decision, and the decision drives the emotion to exist in adverse conditions.

Me: I think I am getting off track in hearing you, because this sounds too much like my own rambling intellect.

God the Father: No! Do not stop thinking about this. Patrick, your life is not really very different from the environment in which I created life, the universe, and everything. Because I am God is no excuse to think that you are any less able to see holiness, goodness and beauty emerge in your life despite this environment. But it truly must be you who moves. I looked and I saw the void. I filled it with the wonder and glory that I AM. You have seen your life, you see the voids, the pains, the things that are not. Obviously you have a choice to fill these things on your own, or as My son. There is a difference in the approach. As My son, you have the ability to fill your life with whatever you desire or imagine, limitless resource with which to do it, and limitless heights that you can reach. But you must engage My nature in the process, because apart from Me, your creative ability is bound to earthly laws and limits.

Me: Well, ok Father. Thanks for the lecture and all, and I really do not mean to sound disrespectful, but this does not sound new to me, and I guess I am just not understanding how I am supposed to actually put any of this into practice. It sounds like work, and that is fine, except that my work ethic is crap for the last few years because diligence never got me anywhere, and my heart was never in any of my diligence to begin with, and I am just straight burned out on trying hard or doing better, because it all seems for naught. I sound like a jerk, I know, but I am just trying to be honest with myself about the outlook of me “engaging.” All I can picture is me having to roll up my sleeves and strive to engage your nature in my life. Maybe that’s because I don’t understand things yet. Maybe it’s because I am lazy, maybe it’s because I am worthless, I don’t know. But if you tell me to engage Your nature, without telling me how and without fueling the flickering flame in my heart, I just can’t make any promises. Right now, I am really enjoying my son, but in the back of my mind is the constant “What in the crap am I supposed to do?” question about what I have to offer him and how am I, in my own mind, a “no account,” supposed to raise him to be a man. I guess I have a lot of issues to work through, but again, unless you give me something to go on other than idealogical understanding of creativity, I am at a loss for ideas of how to do anything with this life.

God the Father: That’s not true. Much of what you just said is merely the result of failing on your own strength. And, your definition of what your life should look like is very limited to the world view of the times: wealth and accomplishment. And that is because you have no other definition of what a holy and good life should look like. You are ignoring Jesus’s life, because by most accounts, he was “poor,” beaten up, wandering from place to place, and spoke in parables, which drives your intellect crazy. But what he had was the limitless ability to see a void and fill it with goodness and wonder. That is true wealth. Money can buy things, fill voids in your home, in your time, in your belly. My wealth fills the voids in hearts, souls and minds of all those around you, and also does what money can do. Which would you prefer? One which will make your pocket heavy, or one that will make your life heavy upon everyone you meet? It really is your choice, Patrick. The world is full of strife to achieve, because that is the law of the earth. You can toil outside of the garden all of your life to feed yourself and your family, or you can walk with me in the garden to see the things we have planted are planting and will plant together, and eat the fruit as we walk in days and years to come.

Me: Father, of course, I want to do and be like what you are saying. But I don’t understand how. Daily writing sessions like this one that have used up much of the time I “am supposed” be working? Fervent prayer, which I still don’t understand how to do? Lord, the only relationship I know how to have is one on one, not a distance relationship that relies on sending a message and waiting for a reply, if it comes and vice versa. And I am not even always good at the ones I have up close and personal. With You, more than half the time, I am thinking that that I am just making up an inner dialogue, and I am not confident in the relationship. So, we’ve a long way to go to reach the walking in the garden bit, much less the living from Your nature. It just all sounds theoretical to me, and the practicality is what I need to live.

God the Father: Theory leads to practice. Newton didn’t get hit in the head with and apple and immediately write down the laws of physics. He had to theorize first, experiment and observe, and then his observations were turned into a law which can be used in all sorts of calculations including breaking the earth’s atmosphere. Theory is a foundation upon which laws are established. Laws are constants that become the framework of truth. Just as in earthly science, the heavenly realm is founded on truths and laws. Theory will take you into deeper understanding of the truths that reveal who I AM. But the laws of the earth and the laws of heaven are not the same. Heavenly laws are founded on Love, the limitless and creative exponential power of love and my affection for my creation. Can you imagine, then, how different Earth and heaven are? Why would Jesus pray and teach you to pray the way he did. “On earth as it is in Heaven” is an outrageous request by any earthly standard, even yours, who knows me a little.

Now to change. You have to set up a “lab.” I want you to experiment with the laws of heaven. You have prayed for people and seen little result. You have prayed for yourself and seen little, not because you are doing anything wrong. Not because you are not trying hard enough. Nothing has been withheld from you. But you now know the affection of a father, and you can see past your anger at Me, and learn to trust that the things you pray for reach My ears, and penetrate My heart for you. You will see now, that when you pray, when you ask, that the things I show and offer you are indeed for you and not against you. When you don’t believe that I am really good, the results that you see of what you ask are usually tainted by that perception. Don’t you know that you have asked me all along to show you your path, and you are finding it? Can you see my answers in the words that have been given to you, in the things you are experiencing? Patrick you are prepared to be mighty in Me, because you know better than most how futile living without me can be, and even though you try to blame your discontent on me, you will not let go of the burning in your heart to know me more. That, my son, is diligence. That, my son, is the righteousness of Job. That, my son, pleases me to no end. How on earth can I ignore that?

The frustration is not over for you. But it is diminishing. Trust my affection for you. I am sorry you have had little reference thus far in your life, but it is not too late for you, because it is never too late for Me. Focus on the way you feel about your son, the affection for him that is incomprehensibly overwhelming, despite the lack of a “real” relationship based on verbal communication. The welling of your heart when you look at him, the joy of a father, it is the same with Me. Just imagine the power in that, and try to tap into it. See what happens.

And of course, don’t forget that I am here. Son, you have no idea how proud of you I Am. Not because of what you do or say to me, how well you react to adversity or how you deny temptation, etc. That is not what makes me proud of you. What makes me proud of you is when your eyes turn and look up at me, and I see how beautiful you are to behold. You will see that when I smile back, and we “bond” more and more, that wonderful adventures together will present themselves, your questions will be answered, you will learn new questions, you will grow truly wealthy and wise and become the son you have always wanted to be to a father you have always wanted.

Me: Well, as usual, I am overwhelmed, in a good way. I guess I just have to keep plodding along despite being handed down these heavy truths. Could you please help me desire our interactions? Sometimes I feel so completely burned out, and these are usually rather refreshing. But somehow, I feel like they add to the burnout. It’s not that they are burdensome, but they are hard to chew on.

God the Father: Feel free to veg out and think about them. Writing them down will be good for you. I think your vlog/blog idea from last night is a good one, it will be ok to make money at it, but if that is your purpose behind it, then you will lose sight of the real goal, which is you in Me and Me in you. Got it?

Me: I got it. We’ll see. There is no way I could do anything like that without You. I am just not that creative.

God the Father: Oh, yes you are. I made you that way, so I know exactly how creative you are. You just aren’t using the creativity in you. I would suggest instead of working at this, you try and brainstorm fun things you would like to do, with me. As a matter of practice, once a week, let’s have a Father/Son outing. You get to choose what we do. How does that sound.

Me: Sounds like a setup. Which makes me wonder why I am so suspicious of You.

God the Father: Haha! It is a setup. I am setting you up to discover who you are. You can’t know unless you know Me, right? Afraid of looking silly?

Me: I think I am afraid of being set up for more disappointment and frustration.

God the Father: Ok, I promise I will not disappoint you, son.

Me: God, that’s a dangerous promise for a son who is afraid you will disappoint him.

God the Father: I know. But I do not lie, and I Am more than you can ever imagine. I have no reason to be cautious with the promise I make to you, because I know who I Am. You do not. But you will see. Trust Me.

Me: Father, thanks for being here today.

God the Father: You are welcome, boy. I love you very much. I am glad that you would see me.

Changing Citizenship

Me: Lord, thank You for You. I know that You are good because it is who You are, and by being grateful, I am not adding to You or able to give You back anything that is not already from You to begin with, but I am grateful, because I am aware of Your goodness. I probably have very little idea of the depth of who You are, but I am glad that I am discovering it more and more. I don’t want that to end, ever. You amaze me, You mystify me, and You overwhelm me with excitement and wonder. I love You and I am so grateful that I am a part of Your life and love.

God: Ah...that feels good to Me. Your gratefulness does add to me, it excites Me and amplifies the Joy I take in you. Nothing would ever remove that joy, but when you and I are synced together, the joy has no end.

Me: Lord, what would you like to say today?

God: Lift up your head. See the things that I have made.

Me: ...Ok?

Lord: I gave man a canvas upon which to create a kingdom. Man has created a kingdom, but not Mine. I came and brought my kingdom and showed man how to carry it on. How will you carry it on?

Me: Well, I don’t know. I try to love people, I try to know You more, and let people in on our conversations. But I don’t know how I will carry on Your kingdom, because I don’t really know what it looks like.

Lord: Lift up your head and see the things I have made.

Me: Ok, so I am supposed to see the world differently than I do now?

Lord: Patrick, you get overwhelmed with worrying about money, about your job, a future, etc. All of these things are the kingdom of man. They are not evil, that is not the point. You have thought recently about Matthew 6 “Seek first the kingdom of God.” Lift up your head and take a look at My Kingdom. Find out what it looks like before you worry about your bills, about what your life is becoming, about any of these things that occupy your mind. Set your eyes on the things I have made. This will give you a different perspective on the things that are worrying you.

Me: Lord, as always, this is a good point, in theory. Can you help me do this practically? Can you give me an example that I can actually understand and emulate?

Lord: Gethsemane is a perfect example. I had a very hard time there, a very hard time. And I looked to the Father, saw what He has done, and the things before me became much less troubling. I was able to face the pain, the torture, the misery as long as I was looking at the Kingdom of God, and not the kingdom of man. My perspective was different. Do you stick needles in yourself for fun? Of course not. Will you get a shot when you are sick? Of course you will, because your perspective is that of seeing yourself as healed after the shot, and the shot does not bother you.

But I know you want an example with which you relate. The trouble is, the nature of looking at My kingdom vs. the kingdom of man, is that they do not relate. Your perspective must change. Do not “apply” the kingdom to the world around you. Look at the kingdom and know the truth. Your perception of the world around you will change, once the kingdom of God is the law in your heart. Lift up your head, and see the things I have made.

Me: Hmm...I am not sure I am getting this, Lord. I don’t like the example of the shot.

Lord: Patrick, the point is not getting the shot. The point is seeing past your circumstance and seeing the kingdom of God. At that point, your circumstance becomes secondary to the truth of the kingdom, and not only is it temporary, but endurable, because the truth of God’s kingdom is the law of love and everlasting life. This cannot be taken from you. Any battle has moods. The battle in your life will have ups and downs, but the final outcome has been declared. And that is that you have overcome through Me. Period, end of story.

Me: But what do I do with the circumstances in life? What do I do when I cannot make ends meet?

Lord: Look into My eyes and see My kingdom. Lift up your head, and see the things I have made. My kingdom is real. Your circumstance is temporary, and must surrender to My reign.

Me: So, I seek your kingdom, and my circumstance works itself out somehow.

Lord: No. You seek my kingdom, and your perspective changes. Then you see and react to your circumstance from a different mindset, and you carry out your life according to the law of My kingdom, and your circumstances change. Consider some of the miracles I performed, or even the apostles experienced. The boat in the storm made them afraid, yet I slept knowing the truth of the perspective I had vs. their perspective. After I had left, they were thrown into jail, and they worshiped me, because they knew that I was Lord. The jail crumbled around them. My kingdom is real, more powerful than any other, and every kingdom must bow before the King.

Me: I am starting to get it.

Lord: Yes, you are. But you need to stop looking at this as a solution to a problem. That is the reason I am telling you this. It is not a solution to your circumstance. It is changing your citizenship, and submitting your mind, senses and entire being to a different law structure. Lift up your head, see the things I have made. Seek first My kingdom, and everything else will be given to you. Now, how will you carry on the Kingdom?

Me: I guess first thing is to see it, then to use its resource to build a life in it.

Lord: Now you are starting to get it. Keep going with this idea.

Motivation: I has it.

Me: Lord, I feel like I have not been doing very well with all of this creativity stuff. You tell me just to write. I feel as if I have nothing worth saying. I have been having business ideas, but I feel like resources are lacking. What do I do with that?

Lord: First, what is your focus? What are you trying to create? Find a purpose in your creativity, and then each thing you do becomes a step towards the goal. In your writing, you have not set any goals. Therefore each time you sit down to write, you wander with words until a point comes out, and then you have to rewrite to support your point. It is like a baby taking its first steps. Every ounce of their energy and coordination is being consumed by taking one step. The key here is repetitive practice. A baby practices until stepping is second nature, then they can set destinations for their mobility. For you right now, setting a goal for your writing should motivate you to practice writing. If you reach the goal, great, if not, that is also fine, because you are practicing. When your writing becomes second nature, your goal setting will take on a different depth, because it will merely be setting a destination and taking the necessary steps. It will not be hard. So find something to motivate you to practice writing, and the rest will come.

As for business ideas, I have told you. Some of those are to be given away. Write them down, keep them in a safe place until you know to whom to give them. Also, if it is for you, I will let you know. When you perceive a lack of resource, I want you to stop and look at the creation story. Something out of nothing. Approach everything you create with that in mind. What is the source, where is the resource? This is important.

Me: Well, as usual, I understand reluctantly, because all of this sounds like really hard work for me to do.

Lord: I wouldn’t give you something that you couldn’t do. Patrick, the idea here is not to put you to work. I am not a task master trying to get you to use your time productively. You want to know who I Am. Spend your time discovering who I Am in you. This shouldn’t feel like work, it should be enjoyable. If you are not enjoying me, something is amiss. Remember that.

Me: Well, its not that I don’t enjoy you, but I am having a hard time with motivation right now. It is a relentless struggle. Every time I get motivated, it is so short lived, and I don’t know how to maintain a state of motivation. What I think motivates me ends up fizzling, and what I think should motivate me doesn’t for some reason. I have always had this problem. I really want to stay motivated.

Lord: You have not found the right goal yet. To find it, you really must take a good look into your own heart and find out what it wants. That is your biggest challenge. We are back to the beginning of your journaling, find out what’s in your heart. Once you do, everything else just follows almost effortlessly. This is good, Patrick. You are progressing more than you think.
Take the next half hour to explore this question. Don’t stop and get distracted. Don’t think about other things. Focus on this one question, what are the desires of your heart? I want you to list as many as you can think of, and then we will work on refining them into the true desire.

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30 minutes later
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Me: OK, Lord, here is what I came up with.

1. A full heart: to live a life full of love, not bound by fear.
2. A full spirit: to life life knowing You, and displaying your love, power and glory.
3. A full mind: to live in peace, knowing true purpose in life.

In other words, I want to live a full live. I came up with these three things as the basic components of what possessing true wisdom looks like. So, I guess the boiled down desire is to possess true wisdom. What do you think?

Lord: Not bad. Now the hard part is figuring out whether you are truly motivated by this or whether it is something you think you should be motivated by but aren’t.

Me: Well, I think I am motivated by this partially. I think a lot of negative motivation gets in the way of staying focused on this.

Lord: So, what are you going to do with this?

Me: I am going to use it to define a goal that will give me the motivation to start something that I don’t want to give up on a couple steps down the road.

Lord: What kind of goal?

Me: I guess I could make several goals and write them down. It seems that every aspect of my life is covered by the three major things. Also, I think I could expound upon all three of those desires to explore what they all really look like, practically speaking. So, I could have a goal in my work, I could have a goal in my writing, I could ahve a goal in my relationships, etc. Looks like setting goals are the next big thing for me.

Lord: Don’t confuse setting goals with obtaining your desires. The goals are defining steps toward your desires. Sometimes your goals will be unattainable, and sometimes they will be out of step with your desires. Don’t worry if they are, just readjust. Got it?

Me: Duly noted. Thank you Lord. I already feel more motivated.

Lord: It’s what I do.

Me: Lord, how?

God: What do you mean, buddy? How are you supposed to do it all? You’re not. I AM. Just go and do, that’s all.

Me: But where do I start? And what happens when I don’t know what to do next?

God: Start where you are, and when you don’t know what to do next, I will show you.

Me: Lord, I sure don’t feel creative. I feel like I get inspired to try, but then creativity just doesn’t flow. What do I do with that?

God: The truth is that I created you with My nature embedded within your being. Your feelings don’t matter. So, whether you feel it or not, you are creative.

Me: So, where am I now, and what do I start with?

God: That is up to you. I will keep you from going in the wrong direction.

Me: That isn’t what I wanted to hear. I want you to tell me what to do. I want you to tell me who I am. I want you to tell me the next step.

God: What is the fun in that?

Me: What is the fun in stressing over not knowing?

God: Stress isn’t fun. You are right. So stop stressing. Discovering is fun, however. Discovering Me in your life is the best adventure I can give you. It doesn’t matter what you do, I will show you who I AM in it. Just be creative, and I will be in it. I promise.

Me: Arrgh. This is hard.

God: I know. But it is good.

Productive vs. Creative

P: Morning Papa.

G: Hey buddy. What are you going to do today?

P: Funny, I was going to ask you that. What would you like to say to me today? What would you like me to do today?

G: Patrick, be creative. That is what I want you to do today. I have given you plenty to think about in order for you to use your time creatively. I don’t have a single specific task that I am going to tell you to do, because I want you to learn to be creative, in everything and at all times. This is extremely important. This is not about productivity, it is about creativity, the kind of creativity that reflects Me. It is not about My glory. I am glorious already. It is about you coming into a place where you reflect that glory in the earth, not for your benefit, not for my benefit, but for the benefit of those who do not know Me. How can you be hidden and display my glory?

P: Lord, I do understand what you are telling me. I have tried writing on a blog, I have tried writing in a book, and they both feel stale. I feel like I get started and stall out. I don’t know how to keep going and not hit a wall.

L: Don’t avoid the wall, break through it. Hit it full force and watch it crumble as you pound against it. That is creativity, to go beyond the possibility you perceive. Trusting in Me for your outcome, you will break through. Come on, Patrick, you CAN do this. You may not always want to do it, I understand. Feeling conflicted is natural, I understand that, I really do. But you must pass through it to the other side. If you let it stop you in your tracks, you will never be able to overcome the struggles that life will bring.

P: OK, so you want me to be creative in everything. Writing, living, working, talking, etc. that seems really hard and a lot to take on. We are creatures of habit. how do I break the habits that have become the structural framework of my lifestyle?

L: Little by little. Start somewhere and keep finding more habits to break, until approaching life creatively is your main habit. That’s what I am after. Change your perspective about your life, because your perspective right now is to see your life as inferior to one that you know is out there waiting for you. My perspective is that you have a life you are not fulfilling because you are looking at it upside down. Do not get me wrong, Patrick. You are not failing. You are learning. Just as a child is not born spouting Shakespeare, wisdom comes at the price of a long life of learning from mistakes. Be willing to allow them show you where there is room for correction.

P: What if I cannot see a situation creatively?

L: What do you think this whole conversation is? I see every situation with a creative eye. If you don’t see it, ask Me. That is the whole point. That is why you have learned the skill of journaling, to learn to actively come to Me and be able to get answers when you do not see them. Buddy, this is exciting! You have smelled the potential in your own life, and you are climbing to it. I will show you the next steps when you need it. Just keep climbing. If you don’t know how, I will show you, it is that simple.

P: Wow, I guess the whole habit of living independently is really strong. Ok, Lord, I get it. Thank you for showing me. So today’s goal is to be creative. I still don’t ...

L: Patrick, creativity is not a goal. It is a method. The goal is to display My love and glory in all that you do so that the world would know Me.

P: OK. Man, life seems hard.

L: Patrick, it is if you take this as an assignment to go be productive. It is when you are creative that this will change. Productivity and creativity are related but different. If you set out merely to be productive, it will be a task, a burden of labor. Being creative is not a task, it is a relationship with the creation that connects Me to it through your expression of Me. It is love, it is a conversation of hope, it is a story of grace and mercy and it is miraculous power. I did not ask you to be productive today, I asked you to be creative. OK?

P: Okay, Lord.