P: Papa. Would you please talk to me? I miss your voice. I need to hear you.
G: Hi buddy. I have been longing to talk with you as well. Don’t you know that I am always available? Yes, and even when you are working, you can talk to me, if you can’t write it down, don’t worry. You can talk to me. I will talk back, and you can write it down later. And you know what, I don’t have a problem repeating myself. I love you Patrick, and I want the best for you, and I am waiting for you to come alongside Me in your walk. Really, you are doing well.
These longings in your heart are being magnified by the activities in your life that do not fulfill your heart. You are getting definition to the things you want. Did you not ask for this? I know the process is not always a cakewalk, but these longings have been buried for a while. You are digging them up, and nobody likes to dig. But the treasure you find is always well worth the labor. Don’t you think? Can you imagine yet what your life would be like living it to the potential in you? Yes, Christ is the potential, and you will see miracles, signs and wonders in your life, I promise. Do not worry about how to manufacture them. That is not the point, the point is engaging in love, because real love manufactures these things with no effort.
You are worried about employment. Why do you insist on coming to me about this? I have told you Patrick to do what you want. I provided you with employment and you are paying your bills. And yet you are dissatisfied. So, ask yourself, what is it you are looking for? Are you looking for power? Are you looking for money? Are you looking for free time to spend on mindless activities? Or are you looking for me in whatever it is in which your hands are engaged? Patrick, wherever you are, LOOK INTO MY EYES.
P: Well, I understand that I am constantly dissatisfied. And you tell me that it is what is magnifying and clarifying the things in my heart that I want. Honestly, Lord, I say I want to know You more, and I really do, but the things that get in the way are these very same things that dissatisfy me, and yet they almost seem necessary to balance out something else in my life that I need to stay satisfied. I want to work to pay bills, because when I am broke, I am not satisfied. So I asked for a job. Yet the job I got works me 50 hours a week, and I don’t have much time to rest with all the other things going on like being with my wife, taking care of the dog, yardwork, house stuff, general life issues. What am I supposed to do? What do I really want? I want to do something that I love to do, and I want to be able to make a living with it. What do I love to do? I’ll let you know when I figure it out, but so far, writing is one of them. At least I give an outlet to all the thoughts in my head. I need to do a better job at being creative with it, but again, there is not a whole lot of time. I have thought about the church, and I don’t know what to think about that. I want to teach, I want to lead people to You, I want to see peoples’ lives changed by coming to really know You, and then I get no time or help from people I know to prepare for that. So, You tell me, am I far off in all of this? Am I deceiving myself? Am I missing something? And what should I do in order to find the convergence of these things? Help me, Lord. You see the end of things, I do not, and forgive me for distrusting my heart, but it hasn’t been completely right in the past.
G: Patrick, love me. From there flows the fulfillment of your heart. Your job will eventually become tedious without it, your marriage will eventually see hard times without it, everything you think you have wanted you whole life, all of these things without loving me becomes another thing adding to the crust on your heart. Loving Me looks like this: when you awaken, the first thing you do is find me, because you don’t want to spend the day without me. During the day, talk to me about what is going on around you. I will talk to you as well, this conversation we are having never has to end. Had you thought of that? Just because you quit writing doesn’t mean I go back into my heavenly cave until you come knocking again. I am with you always. Even when you sleep. Every night you ask me to come be with you. I am there. Open your heart and your eyes and your ears to Me. Don’t let your head tell you that your imagination is running wild, because I am found in the wild things. I am the impossible things, I am a “mind blow” of a God.
So, practically, love me, trust me, I will not see you fail. I will be with you in all things, through all things, and you will see the wonders of who I am. Concerning your job, you are free to leave any time you desire. Do not seek another job, however. If you leave the store, do it to pursue your dreams and not a paycheck. I am your paycheck. Trust Me on this.
Write, as much as you can, whenever and wherever you can. John will not hold this from you at work, but be diligent to complete any tasks that need doing, and steward his business well. You are a blessing to him, and do not deliberately withhold that from him. When you are blessing him, you are doing those very things that you say you want to see, you are blessing your own family. Do not forsake that.
Patrick, Richane is right. You do not see the big dreams, because you are bogged down in the day to day, and you tend to deny yourself the pleasure of dreaming, because you don’t see a way out of the day to day. Writing is a calling I have placed on your life. It is not the main calling, but it is one of them. You will bless many. My word will fill you up and you will change things with the word I deposit in you. I call you a great man, and you are made as I have fashioned you, do not despise my handiwork, because no greater craftsman is there. I take great pleasure in the way you are made. Don’t deny the way I have made you, dream-chaser. Step away from your dissatisfactions and step toward those things for which I have made you. I will be with you just as I am now. I am telling you this, because it is true. So do not doubt anymore. You are great in my sight. Mighty, and strong and full of the life that I have given to the world. Go do something with it.
P: Lord, what is my main calling?
L: Patrick, writing is one of the pieces to the puzzle. Your main calling is to be my conduit of love on this earth. That is every man’s calling. But you are a word man. You love words and you use words well, because you know the power in them. You think about them, you use them with intent and you like to see the outcome of your intent. You main calling includes writing. Writing is one expression of the love I am filling you with. There is more opportunity for you than just writing.
P: OK, Lord. There is a lot here to swallow. I feel like a whiner. All I have ever wanted was to be happy with a family, and a job I like, and never have had the definition of what that looks like. All I know is what people have told me my whole life.
G: You know I have told you through them so that you would know who you were. Your lack of ambition is not a bad thing, Patrick. Ambition doesn’t always lead men to the right thing. You are a man of love, that is your ambition. You have always wanted to love people. That is why the camp was the best job you have ever had. You poured out on kids and enjoyed it. You will find that place where you are able to love people, make a living with it and be in the place I have called you all at once.
Don’t worry about that. How much better can you love as one who has overcome pain? Wasn’t that my formula? Your job at camp engaged your creativity in many ways: you had to overcome the physical impossibilities for these kids and teach them how to do the same thing for themselves. That is an empowering thing for them. You taught them to see the possibilities in the impossible situation, and you taught them to engage in the possible and deny the impossible. That is the miracle. Why can’t you do it in your own life?
I love you, son. I know you are tired and frustrated. But do not give in to that feeling. Instead, find a way to do what it is you want, and tap into the possibilities, denying the impossibilities their power to keep you bound. Does that make sense? Through me, all things are possible. I am possibility.
