The tree image

P: Lord, it has been a frustrating day. I have not written at all since my last journal, almost three weeks ago, and I still feel little inspiration. Would you just speak to me?

L: Yes, I will. Close your eyes, and look. Look into my eyes with the eyes of your heart, and I will speak to you.

P: Is this really who I am, Lord? I feel like the writing thing is contrived, not really me.

L: Look at this tree (shows me a tree in the vision behind where we are sitting). See how many branches are coming of the trunk? Which one of those branches is the main branch? They are all important, all reaching for light, and all feeding life into the tree. All the branches together make the tree, at least the visible part. There is a network of roots under the ground that you do not see.

You are like the tree, Patrick. Writing is a branch of who you are. It isn’t the sum of who you are, only a part. Yet it is one way you reach for light, and sustain the needed life that is contained by you. Don’t let the idea of writing take over your identity, because that is not how I see you, but when I look at you, one of your characteristics is writing.

Patrick, you are still pressuring yourself to find the golden ticket to becoming a writer. I say you already are a writer, and because of that, you will write. If you keep journaling, you will begin to see the source of your writing take shape. Creative exercises in writing would be another good way for you to practice. Buddy, you are wonderfully made, don’t doubt it, and I made you to be a pouring vessel. You can feel all the desire inside of you, all of me filling you up. You weren’t made just a leaky vessel, but a pouring vessel. I will use you to pour wine for others, you really have no idea. I know that this is what is really bothering you. You feel as if you are not serving a purpose for the kingdom, but I am filling you. You need to let that happen. Journaling is the way this will happen most for you. I will fill you up in our times together, in our heart to hearts, as you look into who I AM. You will see the process of the filling, you will feel it, and when you pour it is because you will be full, and you will feel your heart break open.

Don’t plan for this to happen, just expect it. In other words, it is not your responsibility to make it happen. I am the one who picks you up and pours out what I have put into you. Your reponsibility is merely to let me fill you, which you must continue with diligence. I am calling you to a higher level of responsibility in this. Get up early and be filled first. Addie can get a walk later. Patrick, start your day with me, it will make a huge difference for you.

Also, write something, anything, besides journaling. It will help you to practice the things which you read today. Your style will be clear and full, and as you mentioned about Orwell, it will demand attention. Do you not see how I have fashioned your life for words to be important? No need to agonize over them Patrick, but in order to not agonize, you must practice using them. The more you use a tool, the more comfortable with it you become. The more you practice drawing something, the more easily you can recreate it from your imagination. You must practice writing anything. Just pick something and write, even if only for yourself. Let the bad come out with the good. You can always go back and edit it, and you will see how good ideas flow out in the process.

I am watching with anxious excitement for the day you find your confidence in Me. You have proven diligent with your heart, and I know you love me. You have no idea how much you bless me. I love you Patrick, and I am very pleased with you. Don’t be deceived about that. I AM pleased with you.

Writing from the Spirit

P: OK, Lord, what am I supposed to be doing here.

L: What does the schedule you made say?

P: Well, it says that I am supposed to be writing, but I just threw that schedule together. I could write, I guess, but I am not sure what to write about.

L: You are writing right now, how are you doing it?

P: Well, but that is because I am talking to you, not writing.

L: Write from the same place. Why don’t you try it out before you finish today. Try freeflow writing about hunger, like you had already begun to write. What does hungry feel like? What does it cause you to do?

P: Well, I guess I could do that.

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P: I am not having much luck.

G: Patrick, you are distracted, and you are giving up after the first difficulty, and you are finding excuses to do something else.

P: Yes, I agree. I am. Why am I not motivated to write?

G: You are motivated to write. You are not motivated to practice. You are not motivated to face your failures and improve.

P: Well, why wouldn’t I be motivated to do that if that is part of the process of writing?

G: Good question. Let me ask you this, do you want a million dollars? Of course. Now, do you want to do the work it takes to earn that kind of money? It is easier when it is given to you, right? Of course, it IS easier to attain when it is given to you, but retaining is a different question. If I give you a truth with which you have no experiential knowledge, how can you identify the truth in it?

Patrick, you have a wealth of imagination within you, a wealth of resource for other men, those who want so badly to know me, and they don’t even know who they are looking for. You were created for this. When you write from who I AM in you, it is real. Otherwise it is merely fluff and as I have said before, clanging cymbals. People identify fluff easily, because they see no spirit in it. Those who you will reach will see the spirit in your writing, and they will respond to it. You are placing too much pressure on yourself to be the source. Tap into me, let me flow into you and through you.

Do you not see what I am doing? I have led you to several sources from which you will be learning to let me fill you up. From there, the result of being filled will be your overflowing and reaching those who need to drink from your life’s purpose. Your purpose is Me in you, and Me flowing from you. Failure, bah! Shake it off, and keep going. Don’t you know that my greatest men found ther greatest victories within their greatest failures? It’s what I do.

Patrick trust me. Trust the Spirit in you to do His work. You cannot go wrong with that formula, whether you write the most life changing book or whether you just find the key to knowing that I AM who I say I am. That is the point. Your part is to seek Me, and write from that search. That’s it.

Simple enough for you?

P: Yes. Not easy.

Finances

P: Lord, how should I focus my writing?

L: I think you have a good start. It isn’t what you set out to write about at this point, it is the fact that you are writing and the fact that you are searching me. In combination, these will lead to what you will end up writing. The devotional idea is good. Stick with that, but don’t focus on it. When you have small insights about Me that are important, write them down, or develop them with Me, and they will end up becoming the devotion of your life.

P: OK, easy enough. Lord, what would You like to say to me today?

L: Do you already feel yourself more at ease, knowing that what you are about is my business? Isn’t that what you wanted? I have already given you good places to start looking, and good avenues of searching my face. You will find me, and I will bless what you are doing. As for finances, yes, you may feel the strain at first. But you need to really learn to live within your budget, and learn to give from it, and when you are blessed, you will be able to bless yet more abundantly.

P: Well, what about your resource? Do I not have access to it?

L: That doesn’t mean to squander your wealth. Patrick, wealth is created by living well, living steadily and living generously with surplus. Purge yourself of having to satisfy fleshly apetites with spending money on them. Your kids depend on this. It is not wrong to have much. But having much requires being able to live with little. Only then do you begin to accumulate things with purpose. That is the point. Otherwise you begin to accumulate idol things that have no lasting purpose, other than to satisfy a hunger for distractions. I want you to focus your life on seeking me and blessing others. This doesn’t mean I want you poor. Absolutely not, because you will have much wealth, but it will be wealth to distribute. Think of Joseph. What wealth he had was only for a time to save my people from destruction. He was in jail with nothing before that, but he handled the affairs of the king with honor and the highest integrity. Learn this skill. Do not think about it in terms of denying yourself things, but focus on those things that are intentional to My purposes, and manage them wisely. Then when your abundance is in your hand, it will multiply instead of being spent.

P: My main concern, Lord is going into more debt. I am trying to get out of it, and taking less hours at work, and not making as much money as I ought to be able to make just seems counterproductive. Will you help me?

L: Remember that I am the Lord of cancelled debts. Your financial situation is nothing serious, not for me. You consider it with severity because you do not see the way out other than through many months and years of paychecks. Ah, but you do not see the plans I have for you. Pay your debts as you can and you will see me work in them. I love you Patrick.