Me: Hello Father. I have never seen you before. My picture is always of Jesus.
God the Father: I know, son. I hope you are not disappointed.
Me: Of course, not. It is just a surprise. And I don’t even know what to ask you, other than why I have never spontaneously seen you before today?
God the Father: Because you are a father now, and you have been asking questions in your heart of Me, and I am here to answer you as your Father.
Me: But why not before? I still needed a Father.
God the Father: Yes, but you were not ready to listen to Me. You are and were angry with Me. You did not understand the desire of a Father for his children, so you could not see past your own blame. Now you see differently, because you look at your son, and you realize that there is nothing that could make you want to separate yourself from him. You know I feel the same about you, and you are willing to look at me without blaming me for the things in your life that have made you hurt, because you are beginning to be able to relate to Me.
Me: Well, I still don’t understand Lord, the progress of my life. Such promise as a kid, given promises that fill up my heart and my head with delusions of grandeur, and then I waste the majority of my life scraping by. And whether or not I am to blame for my misadventures, which I am sure I am, I feel like I had no help, no direction, no provision, none of the psalmists’ words to describe Your name showing up in my life to get me back on track.
God the Father: Do you know which track that is, Patrick? As far as I understand, you don’t, by your own admission. Let me tell you something about who you are. You are MY SON, bearing a striking resemblance to me, but different. The nature of Me in you is this: that from nothing, something is brought forth. You may consider your life of no account, and that is fine. I see your life, I look at your past, I hear everything you have ever said to Me, and I know what lies ahead, good and bad. Your so called “no account” life is the canvas upon which My nature wreaks holy havoc. But it is not for Me to do it, it is for you to find My nature in yourself and allow it to be released upon the world. Only now are you beginning to understand My creative essence. Yes, I told you about creative Love and how it is the essence of creativity, but you still are a novice to Love. Love is both an emotion and a decision, which are countercyclical. The emotion reinforces the decision, and the decision drives the emotion to exist in adverse conditions.
Me: I think I am getting off track in hearing you, because this sounds too much like my own rambling intellect.
God the Father: No! Do not stop thinking about this. Patrick, your life is not really very different from the environment in which I created life, the universe, and everything. Because I am God is no excuse to think that you are any less able to see holiness, goodness and beauty emerge in your life despite this environment. But it truly must be you who moves. I looked and I saw the void. I filled it with the wonder and glory that I AM. You have seen your life, you see the voids, the pains, the things that are not. Obviously you have a choice to fill these things on your own, or as My son. There is a difference in the approach. As My son, you have the ability to fill your life with whatever you desire or imagine, limitless resource with which to do it, and limitless heights that you can reach. But you must engage My nature in the process, because apart from Me, your creative ability is bound to earthly laws and limits.
Me: Well, ok Father. Thanks for the lecture and all, and I really do not mean to sound disrespectful, but this does not sound new to me, and I guess I am just not understanding how I am supposed to actually put any of this into practice. It sounds like work, and that is fine, except that my work ethic is crap for the last few years because diligence never got me anywhere, and my heart was never in any of my diligence to begin with, and I am just straight burned out on trying hard or doing better, because it all seems for naught. I sound like a jerk, I know, but I am just trying to be honest with myself about the outlook of me “engaging.” All I can picture is me having to roll up my sleeves and strive to engage your nature in my life. Maybe that’s because I don’t understand things yet. Maybe it’s because I am lazy, maybe it’s because I am worthless, I don’t know. But if you tell me to engage Your nature, without telling me how and without fueling the flickering flame in my heart, I just can’t make any promises. Right now, I am really enjoying my son, but in the back of my mind is the constant “What in the crap am I supposed to do?” question about what I have to offer him and how am I, in my own mind, a “no account,” supposed to raise him to be a man. I guess I have a lot of issues to work through, but again, unless you give me something to go on other than idealogical understanding of creativity, I am at a loss for ideas of how to do anything with this life.
God the Father: That’s not true. Much of what you just said is merely the result of failing on your own strength. And, your definition of what your life should look like is very limited to the world view of the times: wealth and accomplishment. And that is because you have no other definition of what a holy and good life should look like. You are ignoring Jesus’s life, because by most accounts, he was “poor,” beaten up, wandering from place to place, and spoke in parables, which drives your intellect crazy. But what he had was the limitless ability to see a void and fill it with goodness and wonder. That is true wealth. Money can buy things, fill voids in your home, in your time, in your belly. My wealth fills the voids in hearts, souls and minds of all those around you, and also does what money can do. Which would you prefer? One which will make your pocket heavy, or one that will make your life heavy upon everyone you meet? It really is your choice, Patrick. The world is full of strife to achieve, because that is the law of the earth. You can toil outside of the garden all of your life to feed yourself and your family, or you can walk with me in the garden to see the things we have planted are planting and will plant together, and eat the fruit as we walk in days and years to come.
Me: Father, of course, I want to do and be like what you are saying. But I don’t understand how. Daily writing sessions like this one that have used up much of the time I “am supposed” be working? Fervent prayer, which I still don’t understand how to do? Lord, the only relationship I know how to have is one on one, not a distance relationship that relies on sending a message and waiting for a reply, if it comes and vice versa. And I am not even always good at the ones I have up close and personal. With You, more than half the time, I am thinking that that I am just making up an inner dialogue, and I am not confident in the relationship. So, we’ve a long way to go to reach the walking in the garden bit, much less the living from Your nature. It just all sounds theoretical to me, and the practicality is what I need to live.
God the Father: Theory leads to practice. Newton didn’t get hit in the head with and apple and immediately write down the laws of physics. He had to theorize first, experiment and observe, and then his observations were turned into a law which can be used in all sorts of calculations including breaking the earth’s atmosphere. Theory is a foundation upon which laws are established. Laws are constants that become the framework of truth. Just as in earthly science, the heavenly realm is founded on truths and laws. Theory will take you into deeper understanding of the truths that reveal who I AM. But the laws of the earth and the laws of heaven are not the same. Heavenly laws are founded on Love, the limitless and creative exponential power of love and my affection for my creation. Can you imagine, then, how different Earth and heaven are? Why would Jesus pray and teach you to pray the way he did. “On earth as it is in Heaven” is an outrageous request by any earthly standard, even yours, who knows me a little.
Now to change. You have to set up a “lab.” I want you to experiment with the laws of heaven. You have prayed for people and seen little result. You have prayed for yourself and seen little, not because you are doing anything wrong. Not because you are not trying hard enough. Nothing has been withheld from you. But you now know the affection of a father, and you can see past your anger at Me, and learn to trust that the things you pray for reach My ears, and penetrate My heart for you. You will see now, that when you pray, when you ask, that the things I show and offer you are indeed for you and not against you. When you don’t believe that I am really good, the results that you see of what you ask are usually tainted by that perception. Don’t you know that you have asked me all along to show you your path, and you are finding it? Can you see my answers in the words that have been given to you, in the things you are experiencing? Patrick you are prepared to be mighty in Me, because you know better than most how futile living without me can be, and even though you try to blame your discontent on me, you will not let go of the burning in your heart to know me more. That, my son, is diligence. That, my son, is the righteousness of Job. That, my son, pleases me to no end. How on earth can I ignore that?
The frustration is not over for you. But it is diminishing. Trust my affection for you. I am sorry you have had little reference thus far in your life, but it is not too late for you, because it is never too late for Me. Focus on the way you feel about your son, the affection for him that is incomprehensibly overwhelming, despite the lack of a “real” relationship based on verbal communication. The welling of your heart when you look at him, the joy of a father, it is the same with Me. Just imagine the power in that, and try to tap into it. See what happens.
And of course, don’t forget that I am here. Son, you have no idea how proud of you I Am. Not because of what you do or say to me, how well you react to adversity or how you deny temptation, etc. That is not what makes me proud of you. What makes me proud of you is when your eyes turn and look up at me, and I see how beautiful you are to behold. You will see that when I smile back, and we “bond” more and more, that wonderful adventures together will present themselves, your questions will be answered, you will learn new questions, you will grow truly wealthy and wise and become the son you have always wanted to be to a father you have always wanted.
Me: Well, as usual, I am overwhelmed, in a good way. I guess I just have to keep plodding along despite being handed down these heavy truths. Could you please help me desire our interactions? Sometimes I feel so completely burned out, and these are usually rather refreshing. But somehow, I feel like they add to the burnout. It’s not that they are burdensome, but they are hard to chew on.
God the Father: Feel free to veg out and think about them. Writing them down will be good for you. I think your vlog/blog idea from last night is a good one, it will be ok to make money at it, but if that is your purpose behind it, then you will lose sight of the real goal, which is you in Me and Me in you. Got it?
Me: I got it. We’ll see. There is no way I could do anything like that without You. I am just not that creative.
God the Father: Oh, yes you are. I made you that way, so I know exactly how creative you are. You just aren’t using the creativity in you. I would suggest instead of working at this, you try and brainstorm fun things you would like to do, with me. As a matter of practice, once a week, let’s have a Father/Son outing. You get to choose what we do. How does that sound.
Me: Sounds like a setup. Which makes me wonder why I am so suspicious of You.
God the Father: Haha! It is a setup. I am setting you up to discover who you are. You can’t know unless you know Me, right? Afraid of looking silly?
Me: I think I am afraid of being set up for more disappointment and frustration.
God the Father: Ok, I promise I will not disappoint you, son.
Me: God, that’s a dangerous promise for a son who is afraid you will disappoint him.
God the Father: I know. But I do not lie, and I Am more than you can ever imagine. I have no reason to be cautious with the promise I make to you, because I know who I Am. You do not. But you will see. Trust Me.
Me: Father, thanks for being here today.
God the Father: You are welcome, boy. I love you very much. I am glad that you would see me.
