Changing Citizenship

Me: Lord, thank You for You. I know that You are good because it is who You are, and by being grateful, I am not adding to You or able to give You back anything that is not already from You to begin with, but I am grateful, because I am aware of Your goodness. I probably have very little idea of the depth of who You are, but I am glad that I am discovering it more and more. I don’t want that to end, ever. You amaze me, You mystify me, and You overwhelm me with excitement and wonder. I love You and I am so grateful that I am a part of Your life and love.

God: Ah...that feels good to Me. Your gratefulness does add to me, it excites Me and amplifies the Joy I take in you. Nothing would ever remove that joy, but when you and I are synced together, the joy has no end.

Me: Lord, what would you like to say today?

God: Lift up your head. See the things that I have made.

Me: ...Ok?

Lord: I gave man a canvas upon which to create a kingdom. Man has created a kingdom, but not Mine. I came and brought my kingdom and showed man how to carry it on. How will you carry it on?

Me: Well, I don’t know. I try to love people, I try to know You more, and let people in on our conversations. But I don’t know how I will carry on Your kingdom, because I don’t really know what it looks like.

Lord: Lift up your head and see the things I have made.

Me: Ok, so I am supposed to see the world differently than I do now?

Lord: Patrick, you get overwhelmed with worrying about money, about your job, a future, etc. All of these things are the kingdom of man. They are not evil, that is not the point. You have thought recently about Matthew 6 “Seek first the kingdom of God.” Lift up your head and take a look at My Kingdom. Find out what it looks like before you worry about your bills, about what your life is becoming, about any of these things that occupy your mind. Set your eyes on the things I have made. This will give you a different perspective on the things that are worrying you.

Me: Lord, as always, this is a good point, in theory. Can you help me do this practically? Can you give me an example that I can actually understand and emulate?

Lord: Gethsemane is a perfect example. I had a very hard time there, a very hard time. And I looked to the Father, saw what He has done, and the things before me became much less troubling. I was able to face the pain, the torture, the misery as long as I was looking at the Kingdom of God, and not the kingdom of man. My perspective was different. Do you stick needles in yourself for fun? Of course not. Will you get a shot when you are sick? Of course you will, because your perspective is that of seeing yourself as healed after the shot, and the shot does not bother you.

But I know you want an example with which you relate. The trouble is, the nature of looking at My kingdom vs. the kingdom of man, is that they do not relate. Your perspective must change. Do not “apply” the kingdom to the world around you. Look at the kingdom and know the truth. Your perception of the world around you will change, once the kingdom of God is the law in your heart. Lift up your head, and see the things I have made.

Me: Hmm...I am not sure I am getting this, Lord. I don’t like the example of the shot.

Lord: Patrick, the point is not getting the shot. The point is seeing past your circumstance and seeing the kingdom of God. At that point, your circumstance becomes secondary to the truth of the kingdom, and not only is it temporary, but endurable, because the truth of God’s kingdom is the law of love and everlasting life. This cannot be taken from you. Any battle has moods. The battle in your life will have ups and downs, but the final outcome has been declared. And that is that you have overcome through Me. Period, end of story.

Me: But what do I do with the circumstances in life? What do I do when I cannot make ends meet?

Lord: Look into My eyes and see My kingdom. Lift up your head, and see the things I have made. My kingdom is real. Your circumstance is temporary, and must surrender to My reign.

Me: So, I seek your kingdom, and my circumstance works itself out somehow.

Lord: No. You seek my kingdom, and your perspective changes. Then you see and react to your circumstance from a different mindset, and you carry out your life according to the law of My kingdom, and your circumstances change. Consider some of the miracles I performed, or even the apostles experienced. The boat in the storm made them afraid, yet I slept knowing the truth of the perspective I had vs. their perspective. After I had left, they were thrown into jail, and they worshiped me, because they knew that I was Lord. The jail crumbled around them. My kingdom is real, more powerful than any other, and every kingdom must bow before the King.

Me: I am starting to get it.

Lord: Yes, you are. But you need to stop looking at this as a solution to a problem. That is the reason I am telling you this. It is not a solution to your circumstance. It is changing your citizenship, and submitting your mind, senses and entire being to a different law structure. Lift up your head, see the things I have made. Seek first My kingdom, and everything else will be given to you. Now, how will you carry on the Kingdom?

Me: I guess first thing is to see it, then to use its resource to build a life in it.

Lord: Now you are starting to get it. Keep going with this idea.

Motivation: I has it.

Me: Lord, I feel like I have not been doing very well with all of this creativity stuff. You tell me just to write. I feel as if I have nothing worth saying. I have been having business ideas, but I feel like resources are lacking. What do I do with that?

Lord: First, what is your focus? What are you trying to create? Find a purpose in your creativity, and then each thing you do becomes a step towards the goal. In your writing, you have not set any goals. Therefore each time you sit down to write, you wander with words until a point comes out, and then you have to rewrite to support your point. It is like a baby taking its first steps. Every ounce of their energy and coordination is being consumed by taking one step. The key here is repetitive practice. A baby practices until stepping is second nature, then they can set destinations for their mobility. For you right now, setting a goal for your writing should motivate you to practice writing. If you reach the goal, great, if not, that is also fine, because you are practicing. When your writing becomes second nature, your goal setting will take on a different depth, because it will merely be setting a destination and taking the necessary steps. It will not be hard. So find something to motivate you to practice writing, and the rest will come.

As for business ideas, I have told you. Some of those are to be given away. Write them down, keep them in a safe place until you know to whom to give them. Also, if it is for you, I will let you know. When you perceive a lack of resource, I want you to stop and look at the creation story. Something out of nothing. Approach everything you create with that in mind. What is the source, where is the resource? This is important.

Me: Well, as usual, I understand reluctantly, because all of this sounds like really hard work for me to do.

Lord: I wouldn’t give you something that you couldn’t do. Patrick, the idea here is not to put you to work. I am not a task master trying to get you to use your time productively. You want to know who I Am. Spend your time discovering who I Am in you. This shouldn’t feel like work, it should be enjoyable. If you are not enjoying me, something is amiss. Remember that.

Me: Well, its not that I don’t enjoy you, but I am having a hard time with motivation right now. It is a relentless struggle. Every time I get motivated, it is so short lived, and I don’t know how to maintain a state of motivation. What I think motivates me ends up fizzling, and what I think should motivate me doesn’t for some reason. I have always had this problem. I really want to stay motivated.

Lord: You have not found the right goal yet. To find it, you really must take a good look into your own heart and find out what it wants. That is your biggest challenge. We are back to the beginning of your journaling, find out what’s in your heart. Once you do, everything else just follows almost effortlessly. This is good, Patrick. You are progressing more than you think.
Take the next half hour to explore this question. Don’t stop and get distracted. Don’t think about other things. Focus on this one question, what are the desires of your heart? I want you to list as many as you can think of, and then we will work on refining them into the true desire.

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30 minutes later
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Me: OK, Lord, here is what I came up with.

1. A full heart: to live a life full of love, not bound by fear.
2. A full spirit: to life life knowing You, and displaying your love, power and glory.
3. A full mind: to live in peace, knowing true purpose in life.

In other words, I want to live a full live. I came up with these three things as the basic components of what possessing true wisdom looks like. So, I guess the boiled down desire is to possess true wisdom. What do you think?

Lord: Not bad. Now the hard part is figuring out whether you are truly motivated by this or whether it is something you think you should be motivated by but aren’t.

Me: Well, I think I am motivated by this partially. I think a lot of negative motivation gets in the way of staying focused on this.

Lord: So, what are you going to do with this?

Me: I am going to use it to define a goal that will give me the motivation to start something that I don’t want to give up on a couple steps down the road.

Lord: What kind of goal?

Me: I guess I could make several goals and write them down. It seems that every aspect of my life is covered by the three major things. Also, I think I could expound upon all three of those desires to explore what they all really look like, practically speaking. So, I could have a goal in my work, I could have a goal in my writing, I could ahve a goal in my relationships, etc. Looks like setting goals are the next big thing for me.

Lord: Don’t confuse setting goals with obtaining your desires. The goals are defining steps toward your desires. Sometimes your goals will be unattainable, and sometimes they will be out of step with your desires. Don’t worry if they are, just readjust. Got it?

Me: Duly noted. Thank you Lord. I already feel more motivated.

Lord: It’s what I do.

Me: Lord, how?

God: What do you mean, buddy? How are you supposed to do it all? You’re not. I AM. Just go and do, that’s all.

Me: But where do I start? And what happens when I don’t know what to do next?

God: Start where you are, and when you don’t know what to do next, I will show you.

Me: Lord, I sure don’t feel creative. I feel like I get inspired to try, but then creativity just doesn’t flow. What do I do with that?

God: The truth is that I created you with My nature embedded within your being. Your feelings don’t matter. So, whether you feel it or not, you are creative.

Me: So, where am I now, and what do I start with?

God: That is up to you. I will keep you from going in the wrong direction.

Me: That isn’t what I wanted to hear. I want you to tell me what to do. I want you to tell me who I am. I want you to tell me the next step.

God: What is the fun in that?

Me: What is the fun in stressing over not knowing?

God: Stress isn’t fun. You are right. So stop stressing. Discovering is fun, however. Discovering Me in your life is the best adventure I can give you. It doesn’t matter what you do, I will show you who I AM in it. Just be creative, and I will be in it. I promise.

Me: Arrgh. This is hard.

God: I know. But it is good.

Productive vs. Creative

P: Morning Papa.

G: Hey buddy. What are you going to do today?

P: Funny, I was going to ask you that. What would you like to say to me today? What would you like me to do today?

G: Patrick, be creative. That is what I want you to do today. I have given you plenty to think about in order for you to use your time creatively. I don’t have a single specific task that I am going to tell you to do, because I want you to learn to be creative, in everything and at all times. This is extremely important. This is not about productivity, it is about creativity, the kind of creativity that reflects Me. It is not about My glory. I am glorious already. It is about you coming into a place where you reflect that glory in the earth, not for your benefit, not for my benefit, but for the benefit of those who do not know Me. How can you be hidden and display my glory?

P: Lord, I do understand what you are telling me. I have tried writing on a blog, I have tried writing in a book, and they both feel stale. I feel like I get started and stall out. I don’t know how to keep going and not hit a wall.

L: Don’t avoid the wall, break through it. Hit it full force and watch it crumble as you pound against it. That is creativity, to go beyond the possibility you perceive. Trusting in Me for your outcome, you will break through. Come on, Patrick, you CAN do this. You may not always want to do it, I understand. Feeling conflicted is natural, I understand that, I really do. But you must pass through it to the other side. If you let it stop you in your tracks, you will never be able to overcome the struggles that life will bring.

P: OK, so you want me to be creative in everything. Writing, living, working, talking, etc. that seems really hard and a lot to take on. We are creatures of habit. how do I break the habits that have become the structural framework of my lifestyle?

L: Little by little. Start somewhere and keep finding more habits to break, until approaching life creatively is your main habit. That’s what I am after. Change your perspective about your life, because your perspective right now is to see your life as inferior to one that you know is out there waiting for you. My perspective is that you have a life you are not fulfilling because you are looking at it upside down. Do not get me wrong, Patrick. You are not failing. You are learning. Just as a child is not born spouting Shakespeare, wisdom comes at the price of a long life of learning from mistakes. Be willing to allow them show you where there is room for correction.

P: What if I cannot see a situation creatively?

L: What do you think this whole conversation is? I see every situation with a creative eye. If you don’t see it, ask Me. That is the whole point. That is why you have learned the skill of journaling, to learn to actively come to Me and be able to get answers when you do not see them. Buddy, this is exciting! You have smelled the potential in your own life, and you are climbing to it. I will show you the next steps when you need it. Just keep climbing. If you don’t know how, I will show you, it is that simple.

P: Wow, I guess the whole habit of living independently is really strong. Ok, Lord, I get it. Thank you for showing me. So today’s goal is to be creative. I still don’t ...

L: Patrick, creativity is not a goal. It is a method. The goal is to display My love and glory in all that you do so that the world would know Me.

P: OK. Man, life seems hard.

L: Patrick, it is if you take this as an assignment to go be productive. It is when you are creative that this will change. Productivity and creativity are related but different. If you set out merely to be productive, it will be a task, a burden of labor. Being creative is not a task, it is a relationship with the creation that connects Me to it through your expression of Me. It is love, it is a conversation of hope, it is a story of grace and mercy and it is miraculous power. I did not ask you to be productive today, I asked you to be creative. OK?

P: Okay, Lord.

Going deeper

P: Good morning Lord.

J: Patrick, never hesitate to come simply as a friend. The Father is glorious, and the presence of Him is overwhelming and awesome. But you can always come to me (Jesus) as a friend comes to another friend. There will be a time for being overtaken by glory and power and light, but everyday I am here, and I want to spend time with you.

P: Jesus, I know you are all three the same, and different. But when do I go to the Father, and when do I go to the Holy Spirit? I don’t quite seem to understand any of this.

J: It is by the Holy Spirit that you come to me. It is by Him that you go to the Father or hear the Father’s voice, and by HIm that you heal, pray, prophesy. He knows your heart, and He knows your thoughts. When you pray in tongues, you go to him, and when you do any of this you are cooperating with Him. When you remember to do so, tell him whatever it is you would like to tell him, what you would like to do, just tell Him.

As for the Father, it is because of what I did, that you have direct access to Him. You can go to the foot of His throne anytime you want. Would you like to go now?

P: Yes, but I don’t know how.

J: Actually, you do. You present your friends and people you do not know to Me all the time, asking Me to show you something for them, or asking me to heal them. I do the same for you. Close your eyes, and allow your imagination to take you there. I am with you, let’s try it out.

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P: Lord, what do you have to say to me this morning?

J: Do you want to get in on some of the experimental faith stuff?

P: Yes, I do. There is nothing I want more than to have the heart like David, that sees a giant taunting Israel and He goes out with a sling and kills Him because He knows You are God. I am more of the kind of guy that sees a giant and thinks about the best way to kill him, and I look at all the weapons I have, try to figure out which has the most giant killing potential, how well I can use it, etc. I freeze up in analysis, and I don’t get stuff done all the time.

J: Patrick, you are indeed an analyst. But that does not mean that you do not get things done, and it definitely does not mean that you do not have faith. I want you to know that for an analyst you also step out from the heart more than you know. You have learned to go with gut feelings, sometimes to your benefit, sometimes not. When you turn that around and use your faith with it, I will not be proven a liar. Use your faith. I want you to come up with your own challenges. Find the things which are difficult for you, and we will work them out together. You pick the task, step out, and I will help you complete it.

P: Lord, that scares me a lot, actually.

J: Good, it should. Faith is powerful and it is dangerous. But used well, it is the most wonderful gift I have given you, because it really can move mountains.

P: Lord, how do I know when I do and do not have faith for something?

J: Patrick, if you can imagine it, you have faith for it. The father first imagined in His heart who you would be. Then he made you. The process of faith is similar. There is faith and trust, and they are connected. Go through the scripture and look at faith, see how it works and see how it is used. Take a close look at the way I walked in it, and whether it was different than the way the hall of famers walked in it.

P: OK, Lord. I am scared and excited and giddy, all at once.

J: Sounds like you are going on an adventure, doesn’t it.

P: Yes. Help me get to a place where I can rest in it.

J: Maybe later. Right now, lets get faith into you, and watch the other stuff come fleeing out.

P: Ugh. I don’t think I want to see that.

J: Maybe not, but I do. Patrick, you are looking for the next “level.” You are looking for the life changing things, the world changing walk. This is it, if you can stomach it. I know you really do want it, and I know you are willing, just stick with Me closely. I have not let you down yet, and I never will. Keep on stepping, son. I am with You.

P: Good morning, Jesus.

G: Hey there, my friend. Do you know why the birds are singing?

P: Um. Because they can? Is this a trick question?

G: My questions are always trick questions. Or had you not realized that yet.

P: Yes, I had noticed.

G: Patrick, the birds sing because I put a song in them.

P: Well, ok, then. That’s a weird answer, rather obvious, if you ask me. So why are you asking me that?

G: What did I put in you?

P: Sheesh. You are hard to track this morning, Lord. What did you put in me? Yourself? Life everlasting? I am not sure.

G: No, those are the right answers. What does that sound like?

P: I have no idea, Lord. You are going to have to help me out here. This sounds really weird.

G: Patrick, you just heard in church a few weeks ago that you have a “sound.” You also had a dream about this a few years back. What does it sound like?

P: No, I understand that, but it is hard to explain what something sounds like, especially when you start waxing metaphorical on me. I don’t know what my sound is, and I sure don’t know what it sounds like if I don’t know what it is. I am really uncomfortable with this.

G: That’s fine. Go get you guitar, and play for 10 minutes and come back.

P: Sigh. Ok.

----10 minutes later----

P: Well? I played for a while.

G: Had you ever played that before?

P: I had played the chords before, but not in that progression, and I had never heard that melody before.

G: The birds are singing again. Birds are not creative. You are. The song you just played was nice, and there was passion in it. Birds do not have that. What did your song sound like?

P: Well, it didn’t have words, but it sounded like a tune that someone would sing about wanting something.

G: And what do you want?

P: I was thinking about You, but I couldn’t come up with any words. All I could do was to “ba, ba, ba” the tune. I suppose thinking of You was what made it sound like that. So, I guess in my heart, I am wanting You.

G: Ok. You are starting to get the hang of this. So, let’s go back to the original questions. What did I put in you?

P: Yourself, life everlasting...

G: What does that sound like?

P: A song? I still don’t know.

G: You were thinking of me when you played just now, and you said it sounded like desire. So, when you allowed your heart to flow, desire came out. Whether I was the center or not is irrelevant. What is relevant is that creativity flows from the heart, through the medium of choice. Just now it was the guitar, other times through writing, and then again other times it is through relationship with people. Mankind is an instrument that makes a sound, and just like a guitar, man can be strummed. You can strum your own heart, and you can strum the hearts of other people. Are you following me now?

P: I don’t know, you confused me with the whole birds bit.

G: When birds sing, they call to each other. When a bird hears a song, it sing back. But birds do not create new songs. Man does. When man hears a tune that strums his heartstrings, it is in him to respond, just like a bird. The difference is that man can respond with a personal song, a new song. When a person comes to know me, what happens inside of them?

P: Like your word says, out of them flows a river of living water.

G: Right, so what do rivers of living water sound like?

P: Like a lot of things, how can I start to describe it? I would say that the obvious answer would be that it sounds like You, but who really knows what You sound like? All I can answer is that you are love, so, rivers of living water must sound like love. But then again, we are talking in metaphors, and none of this makes clear practical sense.

G: That’s because it doesn’t make sense to the flesh. The flesh is self serving, and love is not. That is why it flows from the heart, not the flesh. I have given you a new heart. Let it flow. You are second guessing it all the time, because you are making mistakes and saying or doing things that are not necessarily perfect. When you first picked up your guitar, you started by playing something that you had known how to play from practice, until your heart engaged in the process, and a song emerged on your lips. Do you think that I care that your flesh will want to get in the way of letting your heart flow? When you sit down to write, your flesh will do what it is trained to do: analyze, criticize, and theorize. There will come a time, when you can sit, and flow without the flesh being a part of your process. Your flesh is like the bird. It will sing uncreative sounds and people will respond with uncreative sounds. Your heart is like Me. It will sing, and strum the heartstrings of other people, and they will respond with a new creative song, that will in turn foment the creative song in other people. Have you understood?

P: Again, I think so. But it still seems like a new convoluted way of telling me what you have been telling me for a while now.

G: It is what I have been telling you, and I will tell you until it overtakes the part of you that doesn’t want to believe it. I will use every example on earth in which I have displayed this principle, if that is what it takes, but this is what you are to build upon. This is your foundation. I want you to start here.

P: OK. So love is something that causes a creative reaction in another person?

G: Bingo. That is what I wanted to hear you say. Just as when you thought of me when you played, you were flowing with desire, because I love you, and you want more of it, you want more of Me, and the song that came out was new. I love you, and that caused a reaction in you that was creative and new. The next part of the process is that your reaction to my love touches another person and causes a similarly creative reaction in them and so on.

P: Okay, Lord, I think I get it. I think what I have been forgetting is that my response to Your love is the source of me “flowing in the Spirit.” Am I right?

G: There you go, son. You got it. This is why I want you to start with Me before you do anything else. It makes the anything else part much more fluid. Ok, now get to work.

Wanting

Me: Good morning Lord.

God: Hey Patrick. It is good to hear from you.

Me: Well, it has been a very interesting couple weeks. I have to say that. Lord, what would you say to me today?

God: Patrick, you are going to burn out.

Me: Burn out?

God: You are going to burn out. And I can’t wait.

Me: I don’t understand.

God: You flicker now and again, but I am waiting for the time that you burn out for good. You are burning to have things, to do things, to see things of the world in your hands. It takes a lot of work for you to have those things you want. Is that really what your heart desires.

Me: Honestly, I guess it is what I want in the short term. I have not figured out yet how to just desire You and let everything else fall into place. I know I run myself into the ground time and time again, and I want to give up on wanting “things,” but the desire is still there. There are so many cool things out there. It is really hard not to want. I have lived wanting my whole life. What is the cure?

God: The cure to wanting is having.

Me: You lost me.

God: How many children have you seen get what they want, and then they lose interest? Having what you want is the cure. And sooner or later, you will get what you want, and you will stop wanting it, and your heart will seek something else to want, and so on and so forth. So the cure is also the cause.

P: Well, that really isn't what I was asking, I mean, what stops the cycle?

God: If you are looking for the sunday school answer, you won’t hear it from Me. I want you to figure this one out in your mind, that’s what I gave you a mind for, son. You tell me what the cure is.

Me: Well, Your word says seek first the kingdom, and all else will be given unto “me.” I suppose seeking hard after the kingdom. But I still have not figured out what the “kingdom” much less seeking it out looks like practically, on a day to day basis. Sure, I understand praying, meditating, talking to You is all part of it. But I still have a hard time figuring the “kingdom” into the equation. Furthermore, I don’t really understand what “all else” really is. I guess it covers the real deep desires of our hearts. But I don’t really get this scripture. I feel like I have been seeking You for the last several years, HARD, and sometimes the financial whole I get myself into seems never-ending, and that affects me practically every day. So, the evidence of both sides of this equation are not balanced. I am seeking you, but all else is not being “given” to me. I feel like I am supposed to work for it, at least that is what I have been taught or taught myself, and on the other hand, the more I work to get things, the bigger the whole I dig for myself. So, you tell me, what am I supposed to do to end this cycle?

God: Quite an impressive speech. Patrick, will new furniture, painted walls, a new floor, a new car for your wife, etc give you peace?

Me: It would be really nice to have, but I suppose it doesn’t give me the kind of peace You give me.

God: So why do you strive after it so much? Don’t you see the pattern of the little child wanting something new?

Me: I don’t know. I don’t know how to stop wanting things. I have lived for so long not having anything. I guess I have come to believe that I deserve to have all those things that I never got to have. I don’t know where I got that idea, but I can feel the anger inside of me that I don’t have anything, and I see all of the people I grew up with and went to school with, they all have good jobs and they all can support a family, and here I am trying to balance a budget with my wife’s income and a little extra I make working at a feed store. Is it really wrong for me to feel disappointed God? Because I sure feel like I have done nothing with my life sometimes. I wasted 10 years of it in a stupid pursuit and now I feel like I am just futzing around with a bag full of potential and nowhere to put it to good use.

God: Patrick, think about the lesson I taught you about creativity. What is the nature of it?

Me: Love, and where there is nothing to love, You create something lovely and an object of your affection.

God: Right. Take your “bag of potential” and apply it to those things where you see a lack of potential. That is the kingdom of God. When you do that, the kingdom comes, and all things are given to you, because all things are attracted to the kingdom. What is it right now that seems impossible to you?

Me: That I will ever make money enough for my wife to quit teaching and be the mother she wants to be, or that I will ever feel like I contribute anything worth your approval to this world. I just feel like a disappointing person, like a bet that lost. I guess wanting things is the shot in the arm that I use to keep going.

God: That is precisely what it is. A drug. Do not be a slave to that drug, son.
Patrick, I know it is sometimes hard for you to see the truth of who you are in the context of where you are and what your current circumstance is. But all things on the earth will pass away, so your current circumstance at its very worst, is temporary. I Am the truth of your life, and I Am the creator of your heart. I know the plans I have for you, which are beyond your cheapest lusts or your wildest dreams and imaginations. My son, keep seeking Me. Not so that you will get the things you want. Seek Me, because I am better than anything you could ever receive on earth. You have not begun to scratch the surface of the kingdom, and it is right at your fingertips. Keep seeking, boy, I created you to find it, to find Me.

Blogging and the Kingdom of God

P - Hey Papa.

L - Good morning Son. I am so glad you are here.

P - I am glad You are here. I would say you have no idea, but since you invented ideas, I guess you do.

L - Haha. But I like to see you get them. I like to see you run down a rabbit on its trail, you have no idea.

P - Funny, Lord. Lord, how can I come up with more ideas to write about on my blog? Here is the problem: I have called it The Better Good News. I can talk about how going to heaven when you die is not the real gospel, and that the real gospel is knowing you and being a part of the kingdom, which looks more like heaven on earth, etc. But it seems like a limited topic. How can I get ideas to keep writing about it?

L - Talking to me is a good place to start. This blog idea you had is a good one. Following other blogs on the same topic is good as well. You will find ways to create your blog, don’t worry. Patrick, you are exercising creativity, which is the most important part of the process. If you think the end of all this is to have things written which you can point at when someone asks you what you have done with your life, that is the wrong motivation. What you want to point at when you are asked the question is at the lives of people you have affected with the creative love inside of you. That is the real goal. Besides, what better way to get to know the kingdom than to raise questions and let me talk them through with you and/or write through them. Writing, for you, is a learning process, you know that. You are a writer because it is your process.

P - God, I love you. I am so peaceful right now, so happy, so in awe of how good you are to me, and despite all my circumstance, I am at ease. Thank you for bringing me here, and getting me through so much difficulty.

L - I love you, Patrick. It is My pleasure.

P - What about scripture? I haven’t really been reading it much lately, and I feel bad about that. How should I study it or read it so that I can get to know it better?

L - Do you want to get to know it, or get to know the Author?

P - Well, both really. I know the goal of scripture is to reveal You. But I would like to know scripture better.

L - Patrick, do not feel compelled by some religious idea that you must read it every day. However, it is important to know Me, and when you speak with me, scripture will confirm my words. That is one reason it is important to know it. Another reason is that it will give you understanding of who I AM and the kingdom, a path on which you are already walking. As you need, search the scriptures to ponder them and to have knowledge. I will reveal things to you in scripture, and you will have more wisdom and understanding. But this isn’t a race, and you have time. Continue coming to Me. I wrote the book, and if I want you to read something specifically, I will tell you. I am not discouraging you from reading it, but you are putting a religious pressure on yourself. It is good to read the scripture and think on it. Just do it when you can or want. It does not have to be every day if you cannot afford the time. There will come a time when you will read it every day for different reasons, but now is not that time yet. Just do what you can when you feel like I want you to, or when you want to. It’s ok.

P - Lord, lately I have been thinking about the parables and about Your words on earth about the Kingdom. You always talked about the kingdom to your followers. Your words were that the kingdom was at hand, the kingdom is near, the kingdom is like this. Then you said “Those who have ears to hear...” as if the message were lost on some people, and not on others. I feel like the truth has been lost on people. But When I really look at everything, I am afraid I don’t understand what the kingdom really is.

L - What is a kingdom in general? It is the dominion of a king. That’s all. When I spoke this way to My people, I was calling to something in them that has always looked for their King. They misidentified that desire, and asked me for a man to rule them. During my time on earth, they were ruled by Herod and by the Romans, and they wanted to see a powerful king. But they always looked for the political king to make their lives better and more prosperous. They were not looking for prosperous hearts, because they had become so blind to who I AM. By saying the kingdom of God was near, I was calling to that desire in their hearts, essentially a good desire. They just had no idea what to look for in their King. They were looking for power and might on the earth, and I showed them humility and meekness. They could not fathom this.

It will do you good to keep working on the parables. You can write on your blog about them as well, because they really contain the power of the better good news of who I AM. You are dooing really well, my Son. Keep going. I AM with you.

P - Thanks, Lord. I love you. Thank you so much for filling my heart up with all this stuff to say and do. It feels so much better than beating my head against the wall trying to figure out what I want from life and who I am trying to become. It is so much easier just to talk to you and be full of life, and have stuff come out of me naturally.

Eternal love

P - Good morning Lord.

L - Good morning Son.

P - What would you like to tell me this morning?

L - I am in the mood to hear what you have to say to me.

P - Ok, Mr. Contrary. I enjoy You so much. Your love is the best thing I have ever experienced. It is the most refreshing drink I have ever had, and it is interesting how happy I am now, compared to where I was not too long ago. I remember laying in my bed several nights crying in agony, feeling as if you were such a far off idea, and now, You are here, you are now. I talk to you, I listen to You, you teach me things I never imagined and I am peaceful.

L - Is that it?

P - What do you mean is that it? I think that is a lot, considering where I have been. Isn’t it all about enjoying You anyway?

L - Yes, that’s what it is about, and My enjoyment of you. Consider your dog, and stay with me, here, because I don’t think of you like a dog. But why do you have a pet?

P - Because pets are funny, they can be good company, they can be good companions, things like that.

L - So are people. Why an animal?

P - I am not sure, really. Probably because they can’t talk back.

L - Ha! Well, I created you for the same reasons you gave, but I enjoy talking to you. Do you want to have children?

P - Of course. You know I do, I have always loved kids, and always wanted them.

L - Children are different though, aren’t they?

P - Yes, they are. I think kids have more to do with passing on a legacy, loving them and seeing them become unique expressions of yourself and seeing their identities take on their own uniqueness and that identity becoming a part of who you are as a parent.

L - Ah, that’s it right there. And you don’t even have children yet. Pets are mere companions. You contribute to the world with your children and they contribute to your world, your life is in them, and they in yours. That is the real deal.

P - Yes, I see the difference. But why?

L - Patrick, if love is creative, it must always be fresh and new. How else could this happen without engendering new expressions of itself? Children are that expression. That is why it is important that children grow well and into the image of the love that their parents have for one another and for their children, so that they can produce likewise. Go read Genesis about how I created all things again...I will wait for you.

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P - What is all the “after its kind” business?

L - I am just reiterating to you the nature of creative love. I created things to reproduce and fill the earth, fill the waters. They reproduced things like themselves, in their own nature, they did not stray from their nature. Likewise, I made you in my image, in my nature. What you reproduce will be like me also, because that is the way I create and express my love, time upon time again, until I fill the earth.

P - Why are you telling me this? I understand this.

L - How does this apply to what you do with your time? Listen, time is not the important question, because I don’t have a deadline. But what about you and your expression? What story are you writing with your life and what is the expression that you are reproducing? That is the important question.

P - Well, I think I am doing what you are talking about. But it isn’t always easy.

L - Easy? That isn’t the question either. Why is this important?

P - I think, because it is not just my own expression, but Yours, or at least it should be.

L - Of course, but why is that important?

P - I would have to say, although I may be wrong, that because of the joy it brings to you, to me and to anyone who has an encounter with my life’s expression.

L - That is good. That is true. That is what life is about. Abounding joy, but eternally exponential love is the road to that. You have successfully described paradise.

P - That is cool. Now, how does that apply to me today. I mean, not to belittle what you have just shown me, but why are you showing me this?

L - Patrick, what you do with your writing is not just for you to make money, it isn’t just something for you to do. It is a brick in the pavement of the road to paradise. No brick is enough by itself, but all are essential. What you do with your time is not pointless, nor is it useless. It is essential for you, for Me, for anyone who reads your words. Do you think that your life is just for you and Me? No, son. Your work is important, and I am not just building you up to encourage you to keep going. I am giving you a key insight into your life. You are a builder, an architect, to express the love I AM to the world with your words, your life and your children’s children’s lives. This is what I came to do on the earth.

P - This all seems a little weighty to absorb right now, Lord. I feel like I understand it with my head, but I don’t feel it bursting in my heart yet.

L - Patrick, because you are still doubting that this applies to your writing. Whether or not you become a well known author, you will pave the way for many to come behind you, until the earth is filled with My glory. I need for you to do this, I have chosen you to do this, it is who you are, because it is who I AM. Do not get frustrated or put pressure on yourself to do something that is not after your kind. If you do, you will fail, because it is not how I have made you. You cannot give away what you do not have, and you can not create what is not inside you.

Patrick, you are doing well. Take these words as encouragement and confirmation of what you know. That you are my son, my pride and glory. Live like it, and stop doubting your creativity.

P - OK, Lord.

Praying for Cancer

Me - Good morning Lord. Do you care if I get a cup of coffee while we talk?

JC - Not at all. It will taste wonderful this morning.

Me - Lord, what can you tell me about cancer?

JC - Patrick, cancer is indeed ugly. It is just like any disease, the flesh succumbs to the attack of the enemy on the world. The world is full of evil agents warring against man, and eventually man begins to erode. You have authority over these agents, and you can battle them.

Me - How do I war against what I don’t know, and what I don’t see? I can see cancer taking its toll on (name omitted), but I can’t see the enemy behind it.

JC - Can you see me?

Me - Only in my mind’s eye. I want to see you differently sometimes.

JC - Just as you see me, you can see the enemy. Most people fear the enemy and refuse to look. Do not fear, only I have overcome him.

Me - Yeah, Lord, it scares me a little bit. Like Fear, the first time I saw him, he was so frightening, and he turned out to be so small.

JC - The enemy is a deceiver, and will do everything he can to keep you from stepping into the role of sonship I have given you. But you are my son, my friend, and my ambassador on earth. Use your authority. Demand righteousness in the earth, and you will see it.

Me - How do I do that?

JC - Love.

Me - Can you please explain that, Lord?

JC - You are already understanding it in your mind. Yes, you have two different examples of me in the earth demanding righteousness. Once in the temple, and once on the cross.

Me - Lord, what enraged you so much in the temple?

JC - It had become a center of greed and corruption. The Father’s heart for His people has never been legalism, but He gave them the law to set a standard of what righteousness looks like, and not only had they rejected the law with their deeds, they had completely rebelled against righteousness, and turned the center of their worship into a den of thieves, which was completely contrary to who I AM.

On the cross, you see a different picture. I learned in the temple, that no matter how much I fought the unrighteousness in the earth, there was only one way to defeat it. The Father had planned it from the beginning. Righteousness only comes from the creative act of love. There is nothing else that can spread it. Compassion in my heart drove me to the cross, compassion for the very ones that killed me. That kind of love changes hearts.

Me - I understand that Lord. But how does this apply to warring against sickness and disease and the enemy?

JC - Patrick, what I did, is done. The enemy of this world is defeated, and in confidence you must demand his total surrender. Any emissary that goes rogue from his king eventually loses authority, once the world knows that he is not representing the word of his king. But, if he aligns himself with his king wholeheartedly, nobody questions his authority. Are you wholeheartedly aligned with Me?

Me - Lord, you know my heart better than I. You answer.

JC - Patrick, I know of few people who can boast of a heart more desirous than yours to know Me and love Me. But you are thinking in the wrong terms. If I tell you that you have authority, if I tell you that you are a writer, if I tell you that you will have a book by fall, when you stop typing my words, what happens in your mind?

Me - I doubt most of it.

JC - “Most of it” is a little harsh. But, yes, you doubt. You have been trained to doubt. You have had to live from doubt, so it is the only way you know. Now, I tell you, stop doubting and take command of the authority I have given you. Align your being with my heart, and live from that. Do as I do, go where I go, and say as I say.

Confront your enemy, and prevail in the power of my blood and in the authority given you by my Name. David did not see a “giant” to fight. He saw an unrighteous philistine taunting, cursing and demoralizing the people of God, who were supposed to be the authority and representative of the prevailing righteousness in the earth. David was the only one who saw this, and he took his tools and it only took one shot.

Me - Please help me to see with your eyes, Lord, to see the spiritual things that I cannot understand right now. Give me strategy and wisdom to walk in the power of Your might. I want to be able look at cancer and act as David, confidently confronting it like he did Goliath. Not just cancer, but anything.

JC - Patrick, but cancer is just another malady, no malady is any different. It doesn’t matter if it is a headache or tuberculosis or cancer. It is the same enemy taunting the people of God.

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Me - Lord, I need help with creativity. I know this and spiritual battle are related, but I am having a hard time with finding creative and original ideas about writing.

JC - That is good Patrick. Don’t give up. You are not flowing, however. Try an exercise. I want you to free-write about the characters in what you are writing, and look back over it. DO NOT use the delete button for anything. Just write and write and write and do just as you do with me. Write with your minds eye focused on the one about whom you are writing. Try it. You will be amazed.

Me - OK. I can do that. That should be interesting. Lord, I want the story to accurately reflect You. And although I can see the principle of repentance in the story, I “feel” something deeper in it, but I can’t put my finger on it.

JC - Ah, I love you Patrick. You are so much more spiritually attuned than you know. Yes, of course there is more to it. And I know you see the Father’s heart to “forgive and forget.” But I really like your title for the book, “A Kingdom like this.” I could not have said it better myself. My bride is the prodigal. You are the prodigal, the kingdom is the father’s house, and the celebration is eternity. Who is the fattened calf?

Me - Are you the fattened calf, really? That doesn’t seem right.

JC - A feast is impossible without food. Just as eternity is impossible without eating My broken flesh. The Father saw YOU, so long ago, and He ordered that I be slaughtered for your homecoming, because you are so dear to Him. Is it starting to make sense?

Me - Wow. yes, but I have never heard that little snippet. OK, I will freewrite today, and I will look harder at the story. Please help me out. Jesus, I am so in love with You. You truly are such a wonderful friend. Thank you Papa. I am so overcome by Your love for me, that I cannot stand up under its weight. Holy Spirit, you are beautiful. Please break off the crust in my heart that is holding You inside of me, and flow freely into me and from me. God, you are wonderful.

Rewriting parables/Worship

P: Lord, where are you?

L: Here, as always.

P: Talk to me, please.

L: Hey buddy. I have been waiting for you to come to me. I miss these talks when we do not have them.

P: Well, I feel like I run out of questions to ask you, as absurd as that sounds.

L: That’s ok. But you need to learn to ask them, that is where the creativity you are wanting will flow. I know you hate asking questions over and over again, and if you don’t understand, you feel like you are just getting more confused, or less clarity. But, don’t lose heart. The trick is, that you must ask. How will you understand with no questions to clarify? How will you stretch and grow with no thinking about My words? My words will work your brain out. You need to practice questioning me. Some answers I will give you straight out, some I will prompt you to answer yourself.

P: Lord, how am I supposed to have a book by fall, or before Christmas? What should I write about?

L: We have hit this topic already, and I want you to understand, that I AM more than enough to fill a book within a very short time. You have started writing about your complications with christianity, and how you worked out your own relationship with Me. That has been good, for you. What is the passion in your writing, working out your own good? Or working out the common good? I have been written about by so many people, but few have the advantage of being able to interview me as you do. I know you think of writing fictional books. Look into my parables. Do you think you could help those parables become more real to people today? In them are the keys of life, and they often are passed over as stories that point to a principle. But they are complete aspects of the kingdom of the Father. They are applicable right now. You can modernize them and create new insights that have not been seen or heard yet.

P: Lord, that is a really cool idea. Turn the parables into stories of modern day living. Is this what you want me to do for a book?

L: Patrick, it is a book you can write. But I want you to do what you want. I am giving you an example of something that you could write, should write. Two things will happen, you will be plunged into scripture, and you will be plunged into the understanding of the kingdom that you never had before. Try it out. Start with the prodigal son.

P: OK Lord. Lord, why is worship difficult for me?

L: What do you mean?

P: I don’t engage in it very often, and I don’t always feel as if it were very heartfelt when I do.

L: Patrick, do you love Me?

P: Of course I do.

L: Why?

P: Oh, boy. I set myself up, didn’t I?

L: Yes, but is this a hard question for you to answer?

P: Lord, I look around this earth, and I see the depths of your creativity in everything, the trees, the grasses, the insects, and of course, people. I cannot fathom it. I cannot imagine your thoughts, and I cannot even begin to understand how magnificent You must be, if this earth is your invention. An artist can paint a wonder, or an architect like Gaudi can create amazing and beautiful buildings, but the way everything in this earth functions in unison and unity, though sometimes tearing at itself, it is absolutely a mind-blow to think that you thought all of this up, just as an artist does a work of art.

L: Now, examine your heart. Is it full?

P: Fuller than before I started writing.

L: Then you have worshipped Me well. That is your barometer, when you think of me and your heart fills, when you think of my creation, and you wonder and awe, tell me. That is worship. It is not that I want you to worship me because I Am worthy of it. It is because when your heart is full of awe and wonder at this beautiful creation or the ability of a song to bring tears to your eyes, or at the person who gave themselves in love to another, when these things are on your heart, and fill it, my heart is filled with your enjoyment of my gift to you. I am fulfilled when you worship in truth, and when your spirit leaps out to thank Me or tell Me how wonderful it all is. And you haven’t seen much, yet.

P: Thank you Lord. Thank you for helping me. Thank you for stretching and building me. Thank you so much for loving me.

L: Ah, my son, I do love you. And it really is My good pleasure to do so.

-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

P: Lord, do you have a word for anyone in the chat room tonight that I could share?

L: Yes.

P: Who? and what shall I tell them?

L: You will know. You have a gift of praying and counseling. Use them. As for who, “Cracken St.”

P: What does that mean?

L: Overcoming superstitions. There are some barriers that are merely in our minds because we allow superstitions to give us fear.

A Million Jesi?

P: Lord, in your word I read things like You killing the rebellious and punishing the unrighteous. What is that about, and how can that be a part of You if You are Love?

L: Patrick, you can pour oil and water together into any sort of container, and no matter what you do, if you let the container alone, the two will separate. So it is with those who love Me and those who reject Me. It isn’t a question of whether I am slaying them or bringing down the hammer of punishment on their heads. It is the fact that they are separate from me, and they have no part in My kingdom. That in itself is death, because eternal life is knowing Me. You often hear fire and brimstone preached. Fire and brimstone are not Me, they are the absolute absence of Me. Passing into a place where I am absent is absolute torture and misery. You cannot imagine it, because nothing on earth is like it. Fire and brimstone are imagery of the torture.

Think of dark and light. Darkness is the absence of light, simply. Darkness cannot emanate or reflect, it has no source, it only exists in contrast to light, because the absence of light creates the darkness. So, when there is no light in something, and it is exposed to light, what would happen?

P: It would be forced to ether reflect light or they would cease to exist?

L: That is the torture. It could exist in the light, but only by becoming something that reflects it. This is the process of being born again. Anything that is not of light will be “burned up” by its intensity. The point is, the source of the pain and the torture in the soul comes from the absence of Me, not from my active seeking to destroy. My will is to fill the heavens and the earth, and by nature, those that are not of me either are born again into light, or they will be destroyed by the purity, Holiness and intensity of My presence. What is not born of Me cannot exist in Me.

P: What are the new heavens and the new earth You talk about in your word?

L: When I come in all my glory, darkness will pass away. Without darkness, the heavens and the earth will pass away. In other words, right now, in the earth and in the heavens exist darkness, because of the rebellion of the host of Satan, and the existence of sin in man. When the heavens and the earth are full of Me, neither demon nor sin can exist. Lucifer will no longer have any dominion and the Earth will be spotless and perfect. Not even a memory of them will exist, because I AM will fill both heaven and the earth. I am waiting for my bride, my people, my love. When my bride and I are one together will this happen.

P: Lord, what does it look like for your people to become one with you? How many people does it take until You are united with people? Is it quantity? Is it quality of our oneness? What does it look like?

L: Patrick, you are asking a good question, but it is not an easy one to answer. Look at your marriage. You and your wife have been made “one.” But the most intimate place of oneness is a moment. Can you maintain that moment? Can you maintain that moment in quantity or quality? Oneness with Me has only been seen in Jesus’s life on Earth. There is your answer. Oneness is displayed in perfectly revealing who I AM. What would it look like if a billion Jesus’s were running around the Earth? You should imagine an answer to that question. It is a good topic for you.

What would it look like?

P: I cannot imagine it. I can try, but I would fail miserably. But it seems that it would be a matter of time before evil could not exist on the earth if all people lived in the same manner as Jesus. But how could a million, billion or trillion Jesus people take place? It seems to me that the reason He existed was to pay the penalty for the evil of man.

L: Yes, that was His purpose. So why then does man continue in their folly? Man does not believe in Me. Man has turned Christianity into a lifestyle, and turned away from adoption into a heavenly kingdom. Man will turn to me, but only when my kingdom is the first thing they seek. When people seek comfort in my goodness and food for their spiritual hunger, they seek an inferior kingdom. My kingdom is knowing Me, as you are coming to know Me. Only then is there true comfort and true food. As I have told you, this question is a little beyond reason, and a little beyond faith, even. It is a deep truth of the kingdom. But as people sought Jesus on the earth because He fed them and He healed them, only those who seek Him for Him will come to the truth. Jesus was never a solution to life’s problems, but a new birth for mankind, and a restoration of life to it. Remember, however, that Jesus lived before He died and was resurrected. What did His life look like? What was important about it, and how does it perfectly reveal Me?

P: That is a difficult teaching, Lord. Will I be able to understand this?

L: Of course. I AM telling you this so that you can discover the depth of it. Right now, it is hard, but it will become a deep truth for you in your life. It is part of the revival of your heart, and the revival you will spread to the hearts of others. Do not forget to imagine what it would be like for all of mankind to look like Me. That is your road to discovery. The church in Acts is a good section to read, but not for the answer, only for a contrast to your present reality in the church.

Praying for Richane

P: Lord, thank you for such a wonderful wife. I really enjoy her friendship and her love. Thank you for helping us find each other.

L: You are welcome. You two will be friends for a good long time. It is a wonderful thing to have a close companion with whom you can do anything.

P: Lord, how can I pray for her and bless her?

L: Empower her. Show her the potential inside her, and help her to use it.

P: Lord, sometimes she seems a little reticent about having a more personal relationship with You. Is there anything I can do?

L: Not in any active sense. However, she is vigilant of the relationship you have with Me. She knows there is something deeper. Did you want anything deeper when you were younger, or were you afraid of me?

P: Yes and yes. I did want something deeper, but I was convinced it was not possible, and even then I was afraid that something deeper would be some sort of religious prison. What can I do Lord? I want her to know you, as I know you. I want her to more in love with you than she is with me.

L: First, know that by loving her, you are loving Me, and by her loving you she is loving me. What do you think she sees in you?

P: My rugged good looks?

L: I love you Patrick. Yes, there is that, but she sees me in you. I AM what she first saw in you, whether she realized it or not. Patrick, you have become more and more like me, whether you always believe it or not. People are attracted to real love. You have always been a lover, but recently, you have become a lover of me, and a lover like me. That is the attraction. So, even though your desire is for her to really know and love me in the way you do, don’t confuse who I made you to be and who I made her to be. She is not the same kind of person that you are, and the ways she loves are not the same. But, she is in love with me. She has yet to express it in ways that you understand, because you seek my voice and you seek the deep, because you want the rich juice of who I AM. You are further along than she, and you are also a person who wants the rich juice out of everyone you meet.

P: Ok, Lord. I understand. But, I still want her to know your voice, to know your peace, to know your love, and to be totally in love with you.

L: It’s only your first year Patrick. Not even you loved me as little as five years ago. Give her time and let her soak in my love. It usually does the trick.

P: Ok, Lord. Thanks for her. She is such a blessing.

Book by fall

P: Lord, I have no question to ask you that I have not asked before. So, I do not know how to start.

L: How about “Hello!” Do you think that I get tired of your questions? If you asked me the question “What would you say to me today?” a million times, I would have a new answer for you, every time.

As for today, I want you to know that I love you. Let’s look at what that means. Close your eyes and look into my eyes. My entire being pulses with desire to be with you and to see you become the king that I have crowned.

P: Lord, I can feel your love. I love you, too. What do you do with that desire?

L: I seek man. I set traps of goodness, and I try to capture man’s attention.That is the beginning.

P: Lord, what would you like to say to me this morning?

L: Patrick when fall comes, you will have a book.

P: That is not very far away, Lord. Are you saying that I will have written a book, or that I will know what the book is about and will be writing it?

L: You will have finished writing. I want you to know that I am about to unlock many things to you, and you must write them in a book, and you must be diligent to work on this regularly. Keep your computer with you at all times, and write when you hear my voice. I will be speaking to you. You need to keep your ears open.

P: But, Lord, its only two months away.

L: Imagine writing 4 hours a day. How much can you write in 60 days? How much can you write in 240 hours? You used to be able to write 12 page papers in one night, when you sat down and concentrated. Consider that as about 8 hours. 30 times 12 is 360 pages. You don’t think you can do that? You don’t think that I can make the process easier? I know, I am setting you up, but it is because the book you will write is one I have been waiting to read for a very long time. I am excited to see you come out on the other side of this.

P: Lord, where do I start? What am I writing?

L: You have already started. The book is about what love is. The book is about Me. This is the book, but it will become more than you have imagined yet. I am going to unlock some new things to you.

Finding my voice

P: Lord, what woul you like to say to me this morning?

L: Go with the flow.

P: What does that mean?

L: Flow with me, Patrick. What is flow?

P: Motion, I guess. Like a river, but never ceasing. So, you want me to get carried away by the flow? I still don’t understand what that looks like.

L: You are holding on to something, so that you can feel some sort of safety, and keep yourself under control. Patrick, do you know that most people that die in a river drown while they are holding on to a log or something while the current continually pushes on them? Let go and let the current take you.

P: Well, what am I holding on to, and what is the current? I need some concrete understanding for these images.

L: You are holding on to your idea of what your life should look like. I am telling you to let go. Would you rather have a life that comes from your own design or my design? I understand you feel like you have become nothing in your life. That is not how I see you. I see you as someone great, someone who loves me, and about whom I am absolutely crazy. What s more true, what I see, or what you see?

P: I understand, Lord. But in the meantime, I am here trying to pay bills, trying to be a good husband and managing my house well, and I am failing. What do you say about that?

L: That you are not thinking creatively. I fed the 5000 with a few loaves and fish. I paid for our taxes with money from our morning catch.

P: Lord, how does that help me? Sure, I know in theory we are to do these things. But I have never seen it done, even by greater men in faith than myself. How can I expect to see these things? Besides, is not the thing I am holding on to much more selfish than feeding the hungry? I am worried about paying my own bills, and I am in debt for overspending in the past. How does all that help me?

L: Patrick, you can rely on yourself, or you can let go. Go with the flow and find out what is in store for you down the river. I tell you that my heart for you is good. How then can you be worried about what is to come?

P: Because what is has always been a mess, and if it isnt a mess, I seem to mess it up somehow. I want to let go and I want to trust You, but I do not know how to trust you and let go and let You take me down the river, because I am unclear on whether that means that I need to take my hands off my own life, or whether I need to listen and do only what you tell me, or whether I am missing the entire point.

L: Patrick, I have given you instructions for now. You have not done it. Write. Write anything. You will find your voice. I am with you, and I will show you many things. But you need to do it. Is it not coincidental that your inheritance in the house was a typewriter? This is a writing season for you, so write! Trust me to make the other connections for you. I asked you to trust me with your finances, and I will keep my word. If I can feed so many with a few loaves, what do you think I can do with your words? But you need to be faithful to write. These are my instructions: WRITE! You have more to say than you think.

P: OK, fine. How am I supposed to get started writing and what am I supposed to write?

L: Anything, any way it comes. You will find your voice, but you need to explore the options.

The tree image

P: Lord, it has been a frustrating day. I have not written at all since my last journal, almost three weeks ago, and I still feel little inspiration. Would you just speak to me?

L: Yes, I will. Close your eyes, and look. Look into my eyes with the eyes of your heart, and I will speak to you.

P: Is this really who I am, Lord? I feel like the writing thing is contrived, not really me.

L: Look at this tree (shows me a tree in the vision behind where we are sitting). See how many branches are coming of the trunk? Which one of those branches is the main branch? They are all important, all reaching for light, and all feeding life into the tree. All the branches together make the tree, at least the visible part. There is a network of roots under the ground that you do not see.

You are like the tree, Patrick. Writing is a branch of who you are. It isn’t the sum of who you are, only a part. Yet it is one way you reach for light, and sustain the needed life that is contained by you. Don’t let the idea of writing take over your identity, because that is not how I see you, but when I look at you, one of your characteristics is writing.

Patrick, you are still pressuring yourself to find the golden ticket to becoming a writer. I say you already are a writer, and because of that, you will write. If you keep journaling, you will begin to see the source of your writing take shape. Creative exercises in writing would be another good way for you to practice. Buddy, you are wonderfully made, don’t doubt it, and I made you to be a pouring vessel. You can feel all the desire inside of you, all of me filling you up. You weren’t made just a leaky vessel, but a pouring vessel. I will use you to pour wine for others, you really have no idea. I know that this is what is really bothering you. You feel as if you are not serving a purpose for the kingdom, but I am filling you. You need to let that happen. Journaling is the way this will happen most for you. I will fill you up in our times together, in our heart to hearts, as you look into who I AM. You will see the process of the filling, you will feel it, and when you pour it is because you will be full, and you will feel your heart break open.

Don’t plan for this to happen, just expect it. In other words, it is not your responsibility to make it happen. I am the one who picks you up and pours out what I have put into you. Your reponsibility is merely to let me fill you, which you must continue with diligence. I am calling you to a higher level of responsibility in this. Get up early and be filled first. Addie can get a walk later. Patrick, start your day with me, it will make a huge difference for you.

Also, write something, anything, besides journaling. It will help you to practice the things which you read today. Your style will be clear and full, and as you mentioned about Orwell, it will demand attention. Do you not see how I have fashioned your life for words to be important? No need to agonize over them Patrick, but in order to not agonize, you must practice using them. The more you use a tool, the more comfortable with it you become. The more you practice drawing something, the more easily you can recreate it from your imagination. You must practice writing anything. Just pick something and write, even if only for yourself. Let the bad come out with the good. You can always go back and edit it, and you will see how good ideas flow out in the process.

I am watching with anxious excitement for the day you find your confidence in Me. You have proven diligent with your heart, and I know you love me. You have no idea how much you bless me. I love you Patrick, and I am very pleased with you. Don’t be deceived about that. I AM pleased with you.

Writing from the Spirit

P: OK, Lord, what am I supposed to be doing here.

L: What does the schedule you made say?

P: Well, it says that I am supposed to be writing, but I just threw that schedule together. I could write, I guess, but I am not sure what to write about.

L: You are writing right now, how are you doing it?

P: Well, but that is because I am talking to you, not writing.

L: Write from the same place. Why don’t you try it out before you finish today. Try freeflow writing about hunger, like you had already begun to write. What does hungry feel like? What does it cause you to do?

P: Well, I guess I could do that.

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P: I am not having much luck.

G: Patrick, you are distracted, and you are giving up after the first difficulty, and you are finding excuses to do something else.

P: Yes, I agree. I am. Why am I not motivated to write?

G: You are motivated to write. You are not motivated to practice. You are not motivated to face your failures and improve.

P: Well, why wouldn’t I be motivated to do that if that is part of the process of writing?

G: Good question. Let me ask you this, do you want a million dollars? Of course. Now, do you want to do the work it takes to earn that kind of money? It is easier when it is given to you, right? Of course, it IS easier to attain when it is given to you, but retaining is a different question. If I give you a truth with which you have no experiential knowledge, how can you identify the truth in it?

Patrick, you have a wealth of imagination within you, a wealth of resource for other men, those who want so badly to know me, and they don’t even know who they are looking for. You were created for this. When you write from who I AM in you, it is real. Otherwise it is merely fluff and as I have said before, clanging cymbals. People identify fluff easily, because they see no spirit in it. Those who you will reach will see the spirit in your writing, and they will respond to it. You are placing too much pressure on yourself to be the source. Tap into me, let me flow into you and through you.

Do you not see what I am doing? I have led you to several sources from which you will be learning to let me fill you up. From there, the result of being filled will be your overflowing and reaching those who need to drink from your life’s purpose. Your purpose is Me in you, and Me flowing from you. Failure, bah! Shake it off, and keep going. Don’t you know that my greatest men found ther greatest victories within their greatest failures? It’s what I do.

Patrick trust me. Trust the Spirit in you to do His work. You cannot go wrong with that formula, whether you write the most life changing book or whether you just find the key to knowing that I AM who I say I am. That is the point. Your part is to seek Me, and write from that search. That’s it.

Simple enough for you?

P: Yes. Not easy.

Finances

P: Lord, how should I focus my writing?

L: I think you have a good start. It isn’t what you set out to write about at this point, it is the fact that you are writing and the fact that you are searching me. In combination, these will lead to what you will end up writing. The devotional idea is good. Stick with that, but don’t focus on it. When you have small insights about Me that are important, write them down, or develop them with Me, and they will end up becoming the devotion of your life.

P: OK, easy enough. Lord, what would You like to say to me today?

L: Do you already feel yourself more at ease, knowing that what you are about is my business? Isn’t that what you wanted? I have already given you good places to start looking, and good avenues of searching my face. You will find me, and I will bless what you are doing. As for finances, yes, you may feel the strain at first. But you need to really learn to live within your budget, and learn to give from it, and when you are blessed, you will be able to bless yet more abundantly.

P: Well, what about your resource? Do I not have access to it?

L: That doesn’t mean to squander your wealth. Patrick, wealth is created by living well, living steadily and living generously with surplus. Purge yourself of having to satisfy fleshly apetites with spending money on them. Your kids depend on this. It is not wrong to have much. But having much requires being able to live with little. Only then do you begin to accumulate things with purpose. That is the point. Otherwise you begin to accumulate idol things that have no lasting purpose, other than to satisfy a hunger for distractions. I want you to focus your life on seeking me and blessing others. This doesn’t mean I want you poor. Absolutely not, because you will have much wealth, but it will be wealth to distribute. Think of Joseph. What wealth he had was only for a time to save my people from destruction. He was in jail with nothing before that, but he handled the affairs of the king with honor and the highest integrity. Learn this skill. Do not think about it in terms of denying yourself things, but focus on those things that are intentional to My purposes, and manage them wisely. Then when your abundance is in your hand, it will multiply instead of being spent.

P: My main concern, Lord is going into more debt. I am trying to get out of it, and taking less hours at work, and not making as much money as I ought to be able to make just seems counterproductive. Will you help me?

L: Remember that I am the Lord of cancelled debts. Your financial situation is nothing serious, not for me. You consider it with severity because you do not see the way out other than through many months and years of paychecks. Ah, but you do not see the plans I have for you. Pay your debts as you can and you will see me work in them. I love you Patrick.

New Universe?

P: Morning Lord. What is on your mind today? What would You like to say to me?

L: How long are you going to wait?

P: Wait for what?

L: To do what you want. Go ahead. I am with you. Hear me. I AM with you. I love you. What does my love do?

P: It creates lovely things where there is nothing lovely.

L: Right. Now, what does that mean for you in your life?

P: It means that by faith, I can do the thing you have placed in my heart, because it is an expression of your love.

L: That is only a small part of it. Patrick, one word created the heavens and the earth. You want to write. Make a new universe with your words. You can do it, because it is in you. Time to go to church. We’ll talk later.

Unloading

P: Papa. Would you please talk to me? I miss your voice. I need to hear you.

G: Hi buddy. I have been longing to talk with you as well. Don’t you know that I am always available? Yes, and even when you are working, you can talk to me, if you can’t write it down, don’t worry. You can talk to me. I will talk back, and you can write it down later. And you know what, I don’t have a problem repeating myself. I love you Patrick, and I want the best for you, and I am waiting for you to come alongside Me in your walk. Really, you are doing well.

These longings in your heart are being magnified by the activities in your life that do not fulfill your heart. You are getting definition to the things you want. Did you not ask for this? I know the process is not always a cakewalk, but these longings have been buried for a while. You are digging them up, and nobody likes to dig. But the treasure you find is always well worth the labor. Don’t you think? Can you imagine yet what your life would be like living it to the potential in you? Yes, Christ is the potential, and you will see miracles, signs and wonders in your life, I promise. Do not worry about how to manufacture them. That is not the point, the point is engaging in love, because real love manufactures these things with no effort.

You are worried about employment. Why do you insist on coming to me about this? I have told you Patrick to do what you want. I provided you with employment and you are paying your bills. And yet you are dissatisfied. So, ask yourself, what is it you are looking for? Are you looking for power? Are you looking for money? Are you looking for free time to spend on mindless activities? Or are you looking for me in whatever it is in which your hands are engaged? Patrick, wherever you are, LOOK INTO MY EYES.

P: Well, I understand that I am constantly dissatisfied. And you tell me that it is what is magnifying and clarifying the things in my heart that I want. Honestly, Lord, I say I want to know You more, and I really do, but the things that get in the way are these very same things that dissatisfy me, and yet they almost seem necessary to balance out something else in my life that I need to stay satisfied. I want to work to pay bills, because when I am broke, I am not satisfied. So I asked for a job. Yet the job I got works me 50 hours a week, and I don’t have much time to rest with all the other things going on like being with my wife, taking care of the dog, yardwork, house stuff, general life issues. What am I supposed to do? What do I really want? I want to do something that I love to do, and I want to be able to make a living with it. What do I love to do? I’ll let you know when I figure it out, but so far, writing is one of them. At least I give an outlet to all the thoughts in my head. I need to do a better job at being creative with it, but again, there is not a whole lot of time. I have thought about the church, and I don’t know what to think about that. I want to teach, I want to lead people to You, I want to see peoples’ lives changed by coming to really know You, and then I get no time or help from people I know to prepare for that. So, You tell me, am I far off in all of this? Am I deceiving myself? Am I missing something? And what should I do in order to find the convergence of these things? Help me, Lord. You see the end of things, I do not, and forgive me for distrusting my heart, but it hasn’t been completely right in the past.

G: Patrick, love me. From there flows the fulfillment of your heart. Your job will eventually become tedious without it, your marriage will eventually see hard times without it, everything you think you have wanted you whole life, all of these things without loving me becomes another thing adding to the crust on your heart. Loving Me looks like this: when you awaken, the first thing you do is find me, because you don’t want to spend the day without me. During the day, talk to me about what is going on around you. I will talk to you as well, this conversation we are having never has to end. Had you thought of that? Just because you quit writing doesn’t mean I go back into my heavenly cave until you come knocking again. I am with you always. Even when you sleep. Every night you ask me to come be with you. I am there. Open your heart and your eyes and your ears to Me. Don’t let your head tell you that your imagination is running wild, because I am found in the wild things. I am the impossible things, I am a “mind blow” of a God.

So, practically, love me, trust me, I will not see you fail. I will be with you in all things, through all things, and you will see the wonders of who I am. Concerning your job, you are free to leave any time you desire. Do not seek another job, however. If you leave the store, do it to pursue your dreams and not a paycheck. I am your paycheck. Trust Me on this.

Write, as much as you can, whenever and wherever you can. John will not hold this from you at work, but be diligent to complete any tasks that need doing, and steward his business well. You are a blessing to him, and do not deliberately withhold that from him. When you are blessing him, you are doing those very things that you say you want to see, you are blessing your own family. Do not forsake that.

Patrick, Richane is right. You do not see the big dreams, because you are bogged down in the day to day, and you tend to deny yourself the pleasure of dreaming, because you don’t see a way out of the day to day. Writing is a calling I have placed on your life. It is not the main calling, but it is one of them. You will bless many. My word will fill you up and you will change things with the word I deposit in you. I call you a great man, and you are made as I have fashioned you, do not despise my handiwork, because no greater craftsman is there. I take great pleasure in the way you are made. Don’t deny the way I have made you, dream-chaser. Step away from your dissatisfactions and step toward those things for which I have made you. I will be with you just as I am now. I am telling you this, because it is true. So do not doubt anymore. You are great in my sight. Mighty, and strong and full of the life that I have given to the world. Go do something with it.

P: Lord, what is my main calling?

L: Patrick, writing is one of the pieces to the puzzle. Your main calling is to be my conduit of love on this earth. That is every man’s calling. But you are a word man. You love words and you use words well, because you know the power in them. You think about them, you use them with intent and you like to see the outcome of your intent. You main calling includes writing. Writing is one expression of the love I am filling you with. There is more opportunity for you than just writing.

P: OK, Lord. There is a lot here to swallow. I feel like a whiner. All I have ever wanted was to be happy with a family, and a job I like, and never have had the definition of what that looks like. All I know is what people have told me my whole life.

G: You know I have told you through them so that you would know who you were. Your lack of ambition is not a bad thing, Patrick. Ambition doesn’t always lead men to the right thing. You are a man of love, that is your ambition. You have always wanted to love people. That is why the camp was the best job you have ever had. You poured out on kids and enjoyed it. You will find that place where you are able to love people, make a living with it and be in the place I have called you all at once.

Don’t worry about that. How much better can you love as one who has overcome pain? Wasn’t that my formula? Your job at camp engaged your creativity in many ways: you had to overcome the physical impossibilities for these kids and teach them how to do the same thing for themselves. That is an empowering thing for them. You taught them to see the possibilities in the impossible situation, and you taught them to engage in the possible and deny the impossible. That is the miracle. Why can’t you do it in your own life?

I love you, son. I know you are tired and frustrated. But do not give in to that feeling. Instead, find a way to do what it is you want, and tap into the possibilities, denying the impossibilities their power to keep you bound. Does that make sense? Through me, all things are possible. I am possibility.