Empty Hands

Me: Lord, when You were tempted in the desert, were You very tempted?

Jesus: Patrick, I know the Father. Why would I ever want to be separated from Him? Nothing on this earth could make Me want that.

Me: So, in other words, no.

Jesus: Patrick, you ask because of the struggle in your own past with sin. But now, is there anything that you would take over the relationship we have?

Me: No, but that is something that many great spiritual men would have answered, and even they have fallen away.

Jesus: That is precisely why your tunic (intimacy: see this post) is so crucial to your armament. Much of the church has neglected intimacy with Me. Many have searched for it, some have found it, but many more have had an experience similar to yours. They become disheartened and jaded by the lack of hearing My voice.

Power from on high is no substitute for the intimacy you and I share. It is merely an addition to it. Ministering to a great multitude becomes a burden without intimacy with Me.

Me: Lord, why have they not been able to find it?

Jesus: Why didn't you find it for so long? Would you have treasured it as much if you had found it after asking Me the first time?

Me: I don't know. Maybe, but maybe not.

Jesus: My gift is free, available to all. But it is a gift that requires empty hands to receive it. Not many can empty their hands fully. But now is a time when people are recognizing the hunger that does not abate in their souls. They jump from one thing to another and find no comfort. Soon, they will become desperate for the truth, and will let go of everything to embrace Me. You are equipped to show them the way.

Me: I see, Lord.

What about the job offer I received? Should I accept it? Is this the thing You mentioned?

Jesus: Did it find you?

Me: Yes, but much sooner than you mentioned.

Jesus: Wait and see on that day. The offer is still very young, but it is my provision. Do you want something other than that job?

Me: Honestly, I don't want anything specifically, other than to be able to make some money, and this seems like a perfectly viable way to do it. Thank You, Lord.

Jesus: You are welcome. Be creative.

Me: Okay.

Practicality vs. Super-abundance

Me: Lord, the whole idea of using my imagination or the "eyes of my heart" to visualize You is a bit intimidating to me. But I see the value in using it. How do You want me to use the eyes of my heart?

God: Why does it intimidate you? How do you think I created? I had to "imagine" the creation before I set it into motion. I had to create from my innermost self. I created man in Our image and likeness. Why would man be any different?

I want you to explore your imagination. The Holy Spirit will help you. He will take you through your own imagination and reveal the hidden power of your heart. Those things in your heart are the blueprint of the works will do in you and through you. That is why using it often is good. The more you engage it, the more you can present to Me to do. Imagine, visualize, ask and see what I will do. I will even surpass the things which you ask and imagine. This is the nature of My reign and your stewardship. Do not hide your imagination for fear of mis-using it. Rather go, and invest it and invest in it, multiply it and see it grow in your heart and see the fruit of it multiply.


I began to picture Jesus, I was sitting next to Him on a high, rocky overlook. We were looking over a large valley. I leaned in and rested my head on Him, and He put His arms around me.


Me: Holy Spirit, would You take over this vision?


As soon as I said these words, Jesus turned to me and looked at me with an expression of joyous excitement, a smile on His face that communicated to me that He had been waiting for me to say exactly those words. He jumped and began flying, with Me holding His hand, we began gliding over the valley.


Jesus: Patrick, what about flying? It is in your heart, and it is in your blood.

Me: Lord, I have always wanted to fly. Right now, it just does not seem practical.

Jesus: Practical is good, Patrick, but a super-abundant blessing is never practical. Don't reduce your life to a boundary of practicality. Let Me fill your life with super-abundance.

Me: I am not stopping You, Lord. Do as You wish.

Jesus: But you ARE stopping Me by dwelling in the realm of practicality. Again, being practical is good, but should never be the end of your means.

Take the fishes and the loaves. What I did with them was super-abundant, not practical. The disciples' idea to send people away or to go to town and buy more food or to sell something to buy the food...any of those solutions were practical, viable solutions. But I AM super-abundance, more than anything you can ask or imagine.

Me: Then, will You teach me to fly?

Jesus: What would you like to fly?

Me: I want to fly myself. I would like to hang-glide over the Grand Canyon or something. I want to do barrel-rolls in a plane. I want to see the earth from way up and fall towards it, watching it get bigger as I get closer. Then I want to do it again.

Jesus: Now, there is a vision. That is what using your imagination looks like. Do you see how easy it is? Why in the world would that intimidate you or anyone else?

Me: I don't know, Lord. Now what?

Jesus: Now, anything! Look and see what you want, and come to Me. Don't discount anything as impractical.

Learning to Play

Me: Father, how do I draw from "the well" when it comes to writing something other than a journal?

God: The same way you approach writing a journal works from writing something else. Focus on what you are writing, tune your heart to the flow of My Spirit, and write. Don't feel like you have to get it all right the first time. Just let the flow guide you to the treasure. My Holy Spirit will take you to it.

Me: I guess I just need to try it out a few times. Lord, I have not been writing much lately, because I feel like it is not focused, not intentional and contrived or forced. I hate doing things that way.

God: That's okay. Yet still write, because it is giving you practice putting ideas on paper. Just as a debater sometimes must give arguments to support an opinion contrary to his own, you should not give up even if you do not have a strong feeling behind what you are writing. I can tell you, I have an opinion about everything, and I am usually right (smiling). Ask Me, and I will tell you what I think.

Me: Okay, Father. I think the problem is that I feel like my heart is absent from the process.

God: That is right. You are writing too much from your mind. Don't do that. Write from the heart. Patrick, when you were a child, you played from your heart. Your mind was consumed by the adventure that came from your heart. Play. Let go with your mind. Writing about Me is wonderful, but I want what is in your heart to consume people, not what is in your mind. The passion in your heart is what led you to Me, not your mind. When you speak, the tears in your eyes are tokens of the fire in your heart, not the understanding in your mind. That is what consumes people. Deep calls to deep, your heart speaks the language of the hearts of other people. That is your connection to Me and your connection to My people.

Me: Wow. I see, Lord. I am sorry for not engaging my heart.

God: Oh, Patrick. You are engaging it right now. That is the most important thing. You really have no clue as to the power resident within you. very few people today do. I want you to start engaging that power, and I will take you deep into it. It's time to wake up that power in My creation. How exciting this is!

Me: I am a little uncomfortable with that last statement. How do I engage whatever it is You are talking about?

God: Patrick, play. Find a way to remember what that means. I cannot do that for you, unless it were to become meaningless for you. You must find a way, and finding it is not necessarily easy. But when you find a way to play, your heart will be like an unlocked door that you can open and close at your will. Do you understand?

Me: Yes and no. I am a bit overwhelmed.

God: I see you taking steps, now one closer. It makes Me shake with excitement to see you stepping into your destiny. It is not wrong for you to feel overwhelmed. Your mind will become overwhelmed by the heart and by the Spirit. the mind cannot fully contain what lies ahead of you. Don't worry. You are doing well, and you are going the right way. Keep stepping.

Love and Imagination

God: Patrick, it would be helpful to you to think of creativity and creation as a process and not an instance. You are searching the idea of creativity for a supernatural element that makes it happen in an instant. You are focused on the wrong thing.

Love creates. Love is the element you are looking for, not some supernatural essence you can breathe magically into what you create. It is love.

Me: Lord, how do I love the way You talk about it? It seems like something so powerful the way You talk about it, yet in my understanding, it is something conditioned by circumstance, reciprocity or the lack thereof, so many things. How can it be as You say?

God: You think of it as a feeling and sometimes as an action. I think of it as truth. Love is. All things were created by and with it. It is what I AM. The more you become like Me, the more you will become like love. You must see Me to truly see the power of love.

Me: But what is love, Father? How do I take steps toward it, and not dwell in anger towards things against me and/or apathy toward things I don't know, etc.?

God: Look into My eyes. What you see in them is what you are looking for.

Me: Father, how can I look into Your eyes when I can only imagine Your face?

God: Who said that imagination was not a way? Start by imagining, see where I can take you with it.

Me: Okay, Father.

Trucking

Me: Good morning, Father. I missed You. How can I commune like this with You when I am not sitting and writing at my desk?

God: You already do to an extent. You are learning to trust My voice, and your are beginning to flow on a more continual basis. It will continue to grow into your way of being, just as it was a part of Jesus's way of life.

Me: Well, what do You want to say to me this morning?

God: Patrick, keep trucking. You are almost there.

Me: Almost where?

God: Almost done with your preparation for the next thing.

Me: That sounds vague. How am I being prepared?

God: You are more dependent on Me now than ever before. Not only that, you are coming to terms with the things in your heart that you buried years ago. How can you go forward into your destiny without My voice and without a dream in your heart? I have been getting you into shape to move forward in a different way. Does that make sense?

Me: Yes. Thank You for Your goodness. I forget all too often that in You I can't really go wrong. This has been an interesting time for me.

So, what is the next phase of my life? Another job?

God: Learning to do in My strength. You have learned to hear Me. You have learned that My way never stops creating. AS when Jesus came out of the desert, He went around "doing," You will learn to do what you see Me doing.

God, the Father

Me: Good morning, Lord. This weekend, I spoke about how I had coveted other peoples' relationships with You. I am sorry, Lord. I am so thankful for this intimacy that we have now.

God: I told you, talking with you is the best part of My day.

Patrick, do you know Me as Father?

Me: That is a strange question, but I think I have to say I only know the concept of Father.

God: Do you want to know Me as Father?

Me: Yes, of course I do. How do I relate to You right now?

God: You call Me "Lord," and do so while picturing Jesus. This is good. It is right. But, I am more than a king. You can have intimacy with a king as a good servant. But the intimacy between a Father and son is deeper and different.

Me: Yes, Father. I want the deeper intimacy. Show me that part of You. How do I approach you, then?

God: As a son. How does a son approach his father? He approaches with confident joy in the love he knows his flows from his father, and he knows that the thoughts of the father are inherently benevolent and beneficial to the son. Revisit the idea that we had about dressing in your father's clothes.

Me: What should I do with it?

God: Why not write something for fathers to read to their sons?

Me: What an idea! Thank you, Lord.

What are You like as my Father?

God: I am proud. I am proud of My children, and I love to show them off. I love to shower them with blessings and honor them at My table. I love to teach them goodness and righteousness, and I love it when they try to be like Me, even when they fail. My children are My prize possession.

Me: How can I relate to You as my Father?

God: Start with the only way you know how. Call Me "Father," and I will answer from the heart of a father. Call Me "Lord," and I will be your King. Call me "Friend," and I will be closer than a brother. It is good to know Me in all these ways and more. But now is a time for you to spend getting to know Me as My son.

Love at all costs

Passages marked in brackets {...} are edited from the original writing to protect personal information.

Me: Lord, what about all this business concerning {an accusation against me}? You know I am a mixed bag of emotions concerning it. What do You say about it?

God: I am not much concerned by it. Are you? Honor is not easy, but it is necessary. Remember, {when I spoke to you about it before} I told you that I love them. That has not changed, nor will it ever change. Can you take on a mantle of humility even when you are not in the wrong? Even when you are being treated unfairly, can you trust in My word over your life and NOT the circumstances against you?

Me: I can, but I don't like it.

God: Liking it is not an issue. This is also not about obedience, Patrick. This is about true love. How, in the middle of this, can you give an example of true love? That is the real question. Once you understand, love becomes something that you are, not an activity to like or dislike depending on the receiver of your love.

Do you remember? Love looks into the chaos, where there is nothing to love, and creates something to love. The real beauty of it is when the creation begins to emulate the same love that created it. But that is too much for now.

I am not telling you to do this for My sake, rather you need to do this for yourself, so that you can learn to love as I do.

Me: So, what shall I do? I don't feel love in this case. I feel a mixture of pity and disgust. Do I just simply {turn the other cheek for the sake of not entering conflict}?

God: Comply, open yourself to communication and offer yourself. Do not resist, but do not bind yourself to {anyone}. That was the original problem. Just be willing to communicate, do not enter into criticism and {be watchful of the real issue}. Be careful of sarcasm, it is a treacherous tool.

Me: Okay, Lord. Will You please, please, please be with me? I don't know that I can {hold in my emotions}. Just thinking about it makes me angry.

God: I am always with you. You are angry because you think it is an important instance in your life. It is only an opportunity for you to learn to love like Me. So thnk of it in those terms. Approach it with that desire, to display love at all costs.

Me: Sounds hard. But I will do it.

Lord, I don't feel like I have much else to write today. I am still worried about making something out of the time I have during the day, and the fact that I am not really making much money does not help me be at ease.

God: I have told you, trust Me. You have plenty in you. Your writing skills are not publishable yet, but there is plenty of content inside of you. The key for right now is to bury yourself in Me, and dig up the treasures in your heart, and the rest will come.

As for money, I have...{interrupted}

Me: No! Before I write that, Lord, please teach me and help me trust in You, over all things. Do not let me hear something just to put my heart at ease. Do not let me be like Balaam.

God: It is all right, Patrick. I have a job prepared for you. You will prosper and will enjoy it. The job is not for forever. But, you will be able to make money and continue writing and not feel overwhelmed by work. Trust Me. You are doing nothing wrong, and I am not appeasing your selfish desire or lack of trust in Me. This is My provision, I prepared this for you.

Me: How will I know what it is? When will I start?

God: It will find you. Be watchful thirty days from now.

Me: January 8th?

God: Yes.

Me: Are you laughing at me?

God: Yes, you are in for a ride with Me.

Me: This is not fair.

God: (laughing) But it is so much fun!

Deep waters

Me: Good morning, Lord. I don't really have a main question to ask You today. But, I do want to say something. I love You. these past few months have been terrifying and wonderful all at the same time. Thank You for showing me a way to be in Your presence and the confidence to enter it. Thank You for the gift of intimacy with You. Lord, I want to be a good steward of this gift. Please show me how to keep going and to go even deeper into our relationship.

God: Patrick, you know you don't have to come to Me with a question. I just want to be with you, too. I love you, as well. I am so overwhelmed with joy to see and hear you seeking Me every morning. It's the best part of My day. Patrick, keep coming. Some times will be harder than others to enter in to My presence, but that is because some days you will be dealing with more stuff than others. Just keep coming. I AM here. You will never be denied My presence or My voice.

I will take you into the deep things. I created you to be a deep sea diver. You can handle the deep waters. Not every one is able to handle the pressure. I created you for this.

Just be patient and let me take you when you are ready. That time will come, and even now, you are testing the waters and becoming acclimated.

Me: Lord, I will wait. You know I am usually impatient, but I feel comfortable letting You lead me in this. I think, it is because all of this is so new to me, that I feel like I really don't know how to go deeper. Help me stay focused on You.

God: I want you to do those things that I have told you in your journal to do. When I give you a suggestion or a task, it would be good for you to do it. What I tell you is really for your benefit, and not just to fill up your journal.

Find structure for your days, and try to work within that structure. If during your day, you do not know what to do, apply what I have shown you about creativity. Ask Me, and I will show you.

Me: Lord, what about the idea that my wife and I were kicking around?

God: I thnk it is a good idea. You need to develop it and see how it could grow itself and create income at the same time. Do some research. It is a good idea.

Two generations

This morning I awoke from a dream. This is the dream:

I was at some sort of ministry school or center at which there were many students and volunteers. I was not a student, so I must have been a volunteer. As I was helping set up for some sort of event, I was with a girl, and it was unclear whether we were involved relationally or not, but we were working together and were enjoying conversation with each other. She was pretty, and I liked her, but I could tell that there was something about her that was wild and rebellious.

As we finished up something we were working on, we started walking and talking toward the main building. As we were walking, I began talking to her about how people try to be different for the sake of non-conformity, and end up looking just like the other non-conformists. At the entrance, a very large woman, seven or eight feet tall grabbed the girl by the arm and yanked her aside. The large woman began telling the girl to be expecting to face the disciplinary actions being taken against her (the girl) by this woman, and that the girl would probably be kicked out for what she had done (it was not said what the girl had done).

The large woman was furious and left, and I followed her to a type of service window where she waited in line in order to fill out paperwork against the girl. I confronted her at the window. At the same time, there was also a small balding man who was a nervous and fearful type, and he also wanted to take disciplinary action against my friend, the young girl.

As I confronted them, I told the woman (sarcastically in order to exemplify the behavior she was displaying) that I was going to recommend that she not be allowed into heaven for her use of violence against the younger girl by yanking her arm off.

The small man seemed to understand my point much better than the large woman, and I moved away from the woman, and began reasoning with the man about what was going on.

At this point I woke up from the dream.

Me: Lord what was that dream all about?

God: There are many undesireables out there who want to know Me. the religious and the fearful try to change them from who they are, in order to fit them into a mold, and when they will not change, the fearful and the religious would have them kicked out.

Will you go to bat for them? Will you not only show the religious the violence in their behavior, but counsel the rebellious? Can you make peace from generation to generation? This is My church.

Me: Are you asking me, Lord?

God: Patrick, among those who followed Me were Pharisees, tax collectors and prostitutes. There was peace and unity among them. Do you know why?

Me: You say there was peace, but they quarreled over who was going to sit next to You in heaven. But, since You say there was peace, I would imagine it was because You were there with them.

God: They quarreled when they only saw themselves. But, when they had learned that to lead takes a position of servanthood, their example inspired like humility in those around them, and it exposed those people whose motives were evil. Paul reasoned with the religious, and although they heard reason, the jealousy in them often got the better of them. Don't expect reason to work all the time. religion makes people unreasonable.

Me: I don't understand. Lord, why are You showing me this?

God:The present dynamic of the Church is one of disparity between an old guard religion who are afraid of the young rebellious generation entering the church in large quantities. How can they be reconciled? Who can bring them together?

Me: I don't know, Lord. I was doing so in the dream, but it seemed more like I was defending the younger girl because I liked her and she was pretty. But it was clear to me that she probably had been in the wrong at some point. The older woman's reaction, however, was also inappropriate. So, I don't know what You want me to glean or to say about all of this.

God: The point is, Patrick, I have placed you in a position generationally to be a link between these two. You see both sides, and you can pull them together. Learn to serve both groups, and they will learn to cooperate as they see Me in you, and they will learn to become more like Me. But they MUST see Me.

Me: Okay, Lord. I understand that. But how do I do that? My reasoning was ineffective.

God: Patrick, reason is ineffective against the unreasonable, but it is effective with those who would listen. It is not your effort or your wisdom or your ability that unifies. It is My Spirit. The Spirit is with you and in you.

God with Us

Me: Lord, tell me about Immanuel.

God: Tell Me, what has it meant to you to have two-way communication with Me?

Me: It has meant that I now can come to You for understanding when I am frustrated or discouraged. In the middle of a struggle, I have peace. The tunic You gave me, it was something I never expected. It is a real relationship. Before, I was constantly struggling with whether You would ever answer me or not, whether You really cared, whether I would ever be accepted/acceptable.

God: Yes, you are accepted and even promoted. I am with you, but not only did I humble myself to take on human form, I did so in order to take man from mere humanity to true godliness, which is to learn to love as I do. But, without Me, it is impossible.

That is why the name Immanuel is so powerful. Because with Me, all things are possible. All things. All things.

With Me, as you learn to love as I do, you learn to do as I did, and humble yourself in order to promote the lowly. You learn to see people from My perspective and call out the destiny you see in them, you learn to speak the words of life to a broken body and you learn to have authority over the powers of the Earth. All things are possible.

Me: Lord, why is this such a process? Why do we have to struggle so much with the unseen things? If you exposed them, people would be able to resist and believe.

God: People only believe what makes them comfortable. Real faith comes from knowing Me, not believing in Me. Knowing Me requires time with Me.

Me: Lord it took me losing my job before I really dedicated a lot of time alone with You.

God: Yes, a small price to pay, don't you think?

Me: Actually, yes. You are right. So, how should I approach tomorrow's message? What do they need to hear?

God: They need to hear that I am available, and that I have time for them. They need to hear that there is absolutely nothing in their life that is not paid for in full, and nothing that can keep them from Me. They need to hear that in Me and with Me, peace hope and life are on the menu. Tell them your story, tell them about your Friend. You know how to do this.

Closet doors

Me: Lord, this thing about creativity, it's not really new. There are all sorts of technologies taking advantage of the concept. Nanotechnology for example, fractals are something like this idea, that sort of thing. What do you want me to do with it?

God: I want you to understand it. I want you to take the concept and apply it to your life. Most important, I want you to apply it to kingdom purposes. For now, just explore the idea, see where it takes you.

Me: Lord, on a different note, what means have I used effectively to still myself in order to hear You?

God: Praying in tongues has been your most effective method. Open the eyes of your spirit and see Me. You are getting better at this. Use your imagination, it is okay to do so. You will knoe that I am near when you call on Me. So far, so good. Soon this will all be second nature for you.

Me: What other methods would You like me to work on?

God: You have been very intuitive and creative in exploring the possibilities of "imagining" or visualizing when you pray. Just as you have imagined bringing the sick to Me or the people for whom you pray, you can do the same for your own needs. Imagine the need you have as an object you are presenting to Me, and watch what I will do.

Also, your guitar is dusty. You should pull it out more often. If you want to still your mind or quiet yourself, playing (not listening) will help you. You don't need to play anything specifically. Just play as you often do, just trying new combinations and repeating old ones.

Me: Lord, this feels like a business meeting this morning.

God: There is a time for instruction and a time for intimacy. Both are good when they come from Me, don't you think? What would you like to talk about?

Me: I am not much of a conversationalist. I never know how to stimulate an interesting personal conversation from zero.

God: Patrick, that just is not true. You do know how. You just don't do it, because other people reserve their hearts for what feels safe. You go right for the heart and that makes people feel uncertain. It is okay to beat around the bush, as long as you are doing it intentionally to draw a person out of their shell of conventional social behavior. It would be good for you to strategize your approach to people. Write a list of questions that will reveal potential points of entry for you into a person's heart. The truth is that everyone is wounded and, to some extent, guards their hearts. But everyone wants their heart to be touched.

Me: I just don't want to be one of those people that makes a room scatter when I walk in.

God: Don't worry. That is not how people react to Me then they really see Me. They either attack Me with affection or with envy. You will see both.

Exponential creativity

(walking down a street in an old city)

Me: Lord, where are we?

God: Toledo (Spain).

Me: What are we doing here?

God: Toledo has a famous arms factory. Good steel here.

Me: Here we go again. Lord, help me with all of this. I just wrote about Ephesians 6 and I have armor on the brain. What are we doing here?

God: Lets go sit in the plaza by City Hall. At one time, this was one of your favorite places to sit.

Me: There is a lot of history here, and the cathedral is beautiful.

God: Men are always trying to build Me a house. What they don't understand is that I don't want a house of brick. Man builds and builds and does not realize that it is one of those activities that comes from Me. But man takes clay and bricks and manipulates them to form buildings to occupy. I took clay and breathed life into it, in order to take up my dwelling in man. Do you know why it was not good for man to be alone? The creative power I AM is self propagating, and to stop at Adam would have been to deny that creative power.

Me: Lord, why are you telling me this? It seems like a very deep, philosophical idea that doesn't have much of a practical application.

God: Is it practical to know why you are restless? The power of the Holy Spirit is in you, and the nature of that power is self-propagating. It needs an outlet. It must flow out. You are perceiving a need for activity, as if you must be doing something. You are right. But if you will engage in activity that releases the self-propagating creativity in you, if you let that flow out of you, you will release My kingdom. Man builds and does not realize that he is engaged in a counterfeit of My kingdom.

Me: Lord, how can I do what you are talking about? What kinds of things should I engage in?

God: Writing, of course, is one way, and you are doing well to do it. But I tell you all of this so that you can focus your writing. You say you want to write about Me, which is fine. But whether man builds a factory or a church, the building is still just a building. Just so, whether you write a novel or a book about Me, it is still just a book.

The power in you needs to create, but the creation should also create. When you draw from the well of living water in you, this will happen.

Me: So, again, what does that lookk like practically in my life? What can I write that will be, as You say, self-propagating? What other activities are there in which I can engage this "principle?"

God: Think outside of the box of traditional creativity. I cannot be contained in a cathedral, but to many that cathedral is beautiful. It falls under the heading of a traditionally creative work.

Can you imagine a building that builds upon itself? Or a building that builds other buildings capable of building other buildings...and so forth? Yes, it seems an absurd example, but that is the nature of My kingdom.

As far as writing is concerned, you already have ideas swimming around in your heart and head; begin to explore them in light of this idea. Write them down, develop them. Apply this idea to business, finances, your relationship with your wife, etc.

As for other activities, you need to engage people. The power in you craves a dwelling in people, and wants to touch other people. What activity does that sound like to you? Apply your ideas to that as well.

Me: The exponential power of creativity.

God: There you go. You officially have another rabbit trail to follow. But this one is a big one. Do not give up on it, it is what I want you to engage in your life.

Me: Okay, Lord.

Small stuff, big stuff

Me: Lord, the other night, my wife and I made a list of thing for which to ask You. I had a really hard time making my part of the list. It all seemed like "stuff." None of it was very important. Why do I have a hard time asking You for "stuff?" Is this a bad thing? I don't know how to feel about it. It seems very easy for other people; they all seem to know what they want. I don't.

God: Big dreamers have a hard time with small stuff. There is nothing wrong with you. However, you can ask Me for small things as well, and I want you to do so. Am I limited in the goodness of my nature? Yes, there is a difference between needs and wants, but wants are important, as well. As long as you are guarded against selfish desire, fleshly mindsets and greed, wants will flow from the good heart I have given you. You are well practiced in wanting, but you have no expectation to receive. Therein lies your issue. You cast out wants as "selfishness" because you know that they are not necessary to live. Yet, your heart becomes sick from the lack of hope of receiving.

Me: My hope is in You, not in stuff.

God: Rightly so. But by not expecting to receive small things, how can you hope for the impossible? I don't care how small, begin asking Me for anything and everything, and expect to receive those things. As you begin to receive them, you will see how your perspective is changed.

Me: How do I guard against selfishness and materialism?

God: By seeking Me first. Then, all else will be given to you. When you seek Me first, you see material wealth in the right context, and as you receive it, you are also much more willing to give it away and invest it as seed to bless others. Do you understand? When you see money in the context of My kingdom, money's value is not so much what makes the world go 'round, but becomes a tool for spreading the kingdom.

Me: Okay, Lord. That helps. I have another question. How should I approach my daily activity? I am feeling a bit restless at home...

God: Revise your goals. I want you to spend time with Me first, before anything else. After your time with Me, you are free to do what needs doing, but spend time with Me first.

Me: What needs revision in my goals?

God: You need to set goals that are focused on training. Focus on Me first, focus on school, focus on writing, and yes, you need to get some exercise. Reorganize your time around these things.

Me: What about employment? Don't I need a job? The main thing on my list of wants was that I want an income.

God: And you will have it. But right now, you are asking Me how to organize your day, and you have My answer.

Me: That doesn't work for me, Lord. You are giving me a lot of leeway to get nothing done.

God: Trust Me. There is plenty for you to do. If you will do as I tell you, and trust My voice, you will be busier sooner than later.

Me: Can I still look for a job?

God: Is that what you want? A job? Or do you want to step into the life that I have called you to?

Me: What is that life, Lord? When is my hire date? I'm sorry, I am having a hard time with seemingly doing nothing with my time other than thinking, reading, praying and writing it all down.

God: Patrick, will you trust Me?

Me: Yes, but will you please help me understand what You are doing in all this?

God: Patrick, learning to trust comes before understanding. You are looking for My hand on the bicycle you are learning to ride. Just keep pedaling, and learn balance, and trust that I know when to hold you up and when to let you go.

Me: Okay, I will trust You.