Love at all costs

Passages marked in brackets {...} are edited from the original writing to protect personal information.

Me: Lord, what about all this business concerning {an accusation against me}? You know I am a mixed bag of emotions concerning it. What do You say about it?

God: I am not much concerned by it. Are you? Honor is not easy, but it is necessary. Remember, {when I spoke to you about it before} I told you that I love them. That has not changed, nor will it ever change. Can you take on a mantle of humility even when you are not in the wrong? Even when you are being treated unfairly, can you trust in My word over your life and NOT the circumstances against you?

Me: I can, but I don't like it.

God: Liking it is not an issue. This is also not about obedience, Patrick. This is about true love. How, in the middle of this, can you give an example of true love? That is the real question. Once you understand, love becomes something that you are, not an activity to like or dislike depending on the receiver of your love.

Do you remember? Love looks into the chaos, where there is nothing to love, and creates something to love. The real beauty of it is when the creation begins to emulate the same love that created it. But that is too much for now.

I am not telling you to do this for My sake, rather you need to do this for yourself, so that you can learn to love as I do.

Me: So, what shall I do? I don't feel love in this case. I feel a mixture of pity and disgust. Do I just simply {turn the other cheek for the sake of not entering conflict}?

God: Comply, open yourself to communication and offer yourself. Do not resist, but do not bind yourself to {anyone}. That was the original problem. Just be willing to communicate, do not enter into criticism and {be watchful of the real issue}. Be careful of sarcasm, it is a treacherous tool.

Me: Okay, Lord. Will You please, please, please be with me? I don't know that I can {hold in my emotions}. Just thinking about it makes me angry.

God: I am always with you. You are angry because you think it is an important instance in your life. It is only an opportunity for you to learn to love like Me. So thnk of it in those terms. Approach it with that desire, to display love at all costs.

Me: Sounds hard. But I will do it.

Lord, I don't feel like I have much else to write today. I am still worried about making something out of the time I have during the day, and the fact that I am not really making much money does not help me be at ease.

God: I have told you, trust Me. You have plenty in you. Your writing skills are not publishable yet, but there is plenty of content inside of you. The key for right now is to bury yourself in Me, and dig up the treasures in your heart, and the rest will come.

As for money, I have...{interrupted}

Me: No! Before I write that, Lord, please teach me and help me trust in You, over all things. Do not let me hear something just to put my heart at ease. Do not let me be like Balaam.

God: It is all right, Patrick. I have a job prepared for you. You will prosper and will enjoy it. The job is not for forever. But, you will be able to make money and continue writing and not feel overwhelmed by work. Trust Me. You are doing nothing wrong, and I am not appeasing your selfish desire or lack of trust in Me. This is My provision, I prepared this for you.

Me: How will I know what it is? When will I start?

God: It will find you. Be watchful thirty days from now.

Me: January 8th?

God: Yes.

Me: Are you laughing at me?

God: Yes, you are in for a ride with Me.

Me: This is not fair.

God: (laughing) But it is so much fun!