Small stuff, big stuff

Me: Lord, the other night, my wife and I made a list of thing for which to ask You. I had a really hard time making my part of the list. It all seemed like "stuff." None of it was very important. Why do I have a hard time asking You for "stuff?" Is this a bad thing? I don't know how to feel about it. It seems very easy for other people; they all seem to know what they want. I don't.

God: Big dreamers have a hard time with small stuff. There is nothing wrong with you. However, you can ask Me for small things as well, and I want you to do so. Am I limited in the goodness of my nature? Yes, there is a difference between needs and wants, but wants are important, as well. As long as you are guarded against selfish desire, fleshly mindsets and greed, wants will flow from the good heart I have given you. You are well practiced in wanting, but you have no expectation to receive. Therein lies your issue. You cast out wants as "selfishness" because you know that they are not necessary to live. Yet, your heart becomes sick from the lack of hope of receiving.

Me: My hope is in You, not in stuff.

God: Rightly so. But by not expecting to receive small things, how can you hope for the impossible? I don't care how small, begin asking Me for anything and everything, and expect to receive those things. As you begin to receive them, you will see how your perspective is changed.

Me: How do I guard against selfishness and materialism?

God: By seeking Me first. Then, all else will be given to you. When you seek Me first, you see material wealth in the right context, and as you receive it, you are also much more willing to give it away and invest it as seed to bless others. Do you understand? When you see money in the context of My kingdom, money's value is not so much what makes the world go 'round, but becomes a tool for spreading the kingdom.

Me: Okay, Lord. That helps. I have another question. How should I approach my daily activity? I am feeling a bit restless at home...

God: Revise your goals. I want you to spend time with Me first, before anything else. After your time with Me, you are free to do what needs doing, but spend time with Me first.

Me: What needs revision in my goals?

God: You need to set goals that are focused on training. Focus on Me first, focus on school, focus on writing, and yes, you need to get some exercise. Reorganize your time around these things.

Me: What about employment? Don't I need a job? The main thing on my list of wants was that I want an income.

God: And you will have it. But right now, you are asking Me how to organize your day, and you have My answer.

Me: That doesn't work for me, Lord. You are giving me a lot of leeway to get nothing done.

God: Trust Me. There is plenty for you to do. If you will do as I tell you, and trust My voice, you will be busier sooner than later.

Me: Can I still look for a job?

God: Is that what you want? A job? Or do you want to step into the life that I have called you to?

Me: What is that life, Lord? When is my hire date? I'm sorry, I am having a hard time with seemingly doing nothing with my time other than thinking, reading, praying and writing it all down.

God: Patrick, will you trust Me?

Me: Yes, but will you please help me understand what You are doing in all this?

God: Patrick, learning to trust comes before understanding. You are looking for My hand on the bicycle you are learning to ride. Just keep pedaling, and learn balance, and trust that I know when to hold you up and when to let you go.

Me: Okay, I will trust You.