Empty Hands

Me: Lord, when You were tempted in the desert, were You very tempted?

Jesus: Patrick, I know the Father. Why would I ever want to be separated from Him? Nothing on this earth could make Me want that.

Me: So, in other words, no.

Jesus: Patrick, you ask because of the struggle in your own past with sin. But now, is there anything that you would take over the relationship we have?

Me: No, but that is something that many great spiritual men would have answered, and even they have fallen away.

Jesus: That is precisely why your tunic (intimacy: see this post) is so crucial to your armament. Much of the church has neglected intimacy with Me. Many have searched for it, some have found it, but many more have had an experience similar to yours. They become disheartened and jaded by the lack of hearing My voice.

Power from on high is no substitute for the intimacy you and I share. It is merely an addition to it. Ministering to a great multitude becomes a burden without intimacy with Me.

Me: Lord, why have they not been able to find it?

Jesus: Why didn't you find it for so long? Would you have treasured it as much if you had found it after asking Me the first time?

Me: I don't know. Maybe, but maybe not.

Jesus: My gift is free, available to all. But it is a gift that requires empty hands to receive it. Not many can empty their hands fully. But now is a time when people are recognizing the hunger that does not abate in their souls. They jump from one thing to another and find no comfort. Soon, they will become desperate for the truth, and will let go of everything to embrace Me. You are equipped to show them the way.

Me: I see, Lord.

What about the job offer I received? Should I accept it? Is this the thing You mentioned?

Jesus: Did it find you?

Me: Yes, but much sooner than you mentioned.

Jesus: Wait and see on that day. The offer is still very young, but it is my provision. Do you want something other than that job?

Me: Honestly, I don't want anything specifically, other than to be able to make some money, and this seems like a perfectly viable way to do it. Thank You, Lord.

Jesus: You are welcome. Be creative.

Me: Okay.

Practicality vs. Super-abundance

Me: Lord, the whole idea of using my imagination or the "eyes of my heart" to visualize You is a bit intimidating to me. But I see the value in using it. How do You want me to use the eyes of my heart?

God: Why does it intimidate you? How do you think I created? I had to "imagine" the creation before I set it into motion. I had to create from my innermost self. I created man in Our image and likeness. Why would man be any different?

I want you to explore your imagination. The Holy Spirit will help you. He will take you through your own imagination and reveal the hidden power of your heart. Those things in your heart are the blueprint of the works will do in you and through you. That is why using it often is good. The more you engage it, the more you can present to Me to do. Imagine, visualize, ask and see what I will do. I will even surpass the things which you ask and imagine. This is the nature of My reign and your stewardship. Do not hide your imagination for fear of mis-using it. Rather go, and invest it and invest in it, multiply it and see it grow in your heart and see the fruit of it multiply.


I began to picture Jesus, I was sitting next to Him on a high, rocky overlook. We were looking over a large valley. I leaned in and rested my head on Him, and He put His arms around me.


Me: Holy Spirit, would You take over this vision?


As soon as I said these words, Jesus turned to me and looked at me with an expression of joyous excitement, a smile on His face that communicated to me that He had been waiting for me to say exactly those words. He jumped and began flying, with Me holding His hand, we began gliding over the valley.


Jesus: Patrick, what about flying? It is in your heart, and it is in your blood.

Me: Lord, I have always wanted to fly. Right now, it just does not seem practical.

Jesus: Practical is good, Patrick, but a super-abundant blessing is never practical. Don't reduce your life to a boundary of practicality. Let Me fill your life with super-abundance.

Me: I am not stopping You, Lord. Do as You wish.

Jesus: But you ARE stopping Me by dwelling in the realm of practicality. Again, being practical is good, but should never be the end of your means.

Take the fishes and the loaves. What I did with them was super-abundant, not practical. The disciples' idea to send people away or to go to town and buy more food or to sell something to buy the food...any of those solutions were practical, viable solutions. But I AM super-abundance, more than anything you can ask or imagine.

Me: Then, will You teach me to fly?

Jesus: What would you like to fly?

Me: I want to fly myself. I would like to hang-glide over the Grand Canyon or something. I want to do barrel-rolls in a plane. I want to see the earth from way up and fall towards it, watching it get bigger as I get closer. Then I want to do it again.

Jesus: Now, there is a vision. That is what using your imagination looks like. Do you see how easy it is? Why in the world would that intimidate you or anyone else?

Me: I don't know, Lord. Now what?

Jesus: Now, anything! Look and see what you want, and come to Me. Don't discount anything as impractical.

Learning to Play

Me: Father, how do I draw from "the well" when it comes to writing something other than a journal?

God: The same way you approach writing a journal works from writing something else. Focus on what you are writing, tune your heart to the flow of My Spirit, and write. Don't feel like you have to get it all right the first time. Just let the flow guide you to the treasure. My Holy Spirit will take you to it.

Me: I guess I just need to try it out a few times. Lord, I have not been writing much lately, because I feel like it is not focused, not intentional and contrived or forced. I hate doing things that way.

God: That's okay. Yet still write, because it is giving you practice putting ideas on paper. Just as a debater sometimes must give arguments to support an opinion contrary to his own, you should not give up even if you do not have a strong feeling behind what you are writing. I can tell you, I have an opinion about everything, and I am usually right (smiling). Ask Me, and I will tell you what I think.

Me: Okay, Father. I think the problem is that I feel like my heart is absent from the process.

God: That is right. You are writing too much from your mind. Don't do that. Write from the heart. Patrick, when you were a child, you played from your heart. Your mind was consumed by the adventure that came from your heart. Play. Let go with your mind. Writing about Me is wonderful, but I want what is in your heart to consume people, not what is in your mind. The passion in your heart is what led you to Me, not your mind. When you speak, the tears in your eyes are tokens of the fire in your heart, not the understanding in your mind. That is what consumes people. Deep calls to deep, your heart speaks the language of the hearts of other people. That is your connection to Me and your connection to My people.

Me: Wow. I see, Lord. I am sorry for not engaging my heart.

God: Oh, Patrick. You are engaging it right now. That is the most important thing. You really have no clue as to the power resident within you. very few people today do. I want you to start engaging that power, and I will take you deep into it. It's time to wake up that power in My creation. How exciting this is!

Me: I am a little uncomfortable with that last statement. How do I engage whatever it is You are talking about?

God: Patrick, play. Find a way to remember what that means. I cannot do that for you, unless it were to become meaningless for you. You must find a way, and finding it is not necessarily easy. But when you find a way to play, your heart will be like an unlocked door that you can open and close at your will. Do you understand?

Me: Yes and no. I am a bit overwhelmed.

God: I see you taking steps, now one closer. It makes Me shake with excitement to see you stepping into your destiny. It is not wrong for you to feel overwhelmed. Your mind will become overwhelmed by the heart and by the Spirit. the mind cannot fully contain what lies ahead of you. Don't worry. You are doing well, and you are going the right way. Keep stepping.

Love and Imagination

God: Patrick, it would be helpful to you to think of creativity and creation as a process and not an instance. You are searching the idea of creativity for a supernatural element that makes it happen in an instant. You are focused on the wrong thing.

Love creates. Love is the element you are looking for, not some supernatural essence you can breathe magically into what you create. It is love.

Me: Lord, how do I love the way You talk about it? It seems like something so powerful the way You talk about it, yet in my understanding, it is something conditioned by circumstance, reciprocity or the lack thereof, so many things. How can it be as You say?

God: You think of it as a feeling and sometimes as an action. I think of it as truth. Love is. All things were created by and with it. It is what I AM. The more you become like Me, the more you will become like love. You must see Me to truly see the power of love.

Me: But what is love, Father? How do I take steps toward it, and not dwell in anger towards things against me and/or apathy toward things I don't know, etc.?

God: Look into My eyes. What you see in them is what you are looking for.

Me: Father, how can I look into Your eyes when I can only imagine Your face?

God: Who said that imagination was not a way? Start by imagining, see where I can take you with it.

Me: Okay, Father.

Trucking

Me: Good morning, Father. I missed You. How can I commune like this with You when I am not sitting and writing at my desk?

God: You already do to an extent. You are learning to trust My voice, and your are beginning to flow on a more continual basis. It will continue to grow into your way of being, just as it was a part of Jesus's way of life.

Me: Well, what do You want to say to me this morning?

God: Patrick, keep trucking. You are almost there.

Me: Almost where?

God: Almost done with your preparation for the next thing.

Me: That sounds vague. How am I being prepared?

God: You are more dependent on Me now than ever before. Not only that, you are coming to terms with the things in your heart that you buried years ago. How can you go forward into your destiny without My voice and without a dream in your heart? I have been getting you into shape to move forward in a different way. Does that make sense?

Me: Yes. Thank You for Your goodness. I forget all too often that in You I can't really go wrong. This has been an interesting time for me.

So, what is the next phase of my life? Another job?

God: Learning to do in My strength. You have learned to hear Me. You have learned that My way never stops creating. AS when Jesus came out of the desert, He went around "doing," You will learn to do what you see Me doing.

God, the Father

Me: Good morning, Lord. This weekend, I spoke about how I had coveted other peoples' relationships with You. I am sorry, Lord. I am so thankful for this intimacy that we have now.

God: I told you, talking with you is the best part of My day.

Patrick, do you know Me as Father?

Me: That is a strange question, but I think I have to say I only know the concept of Father.

God: Do you want to know Me as Father?

Me: Yes, of course I do. How do I relate to You right now?

God: You call Me "Lord," and do so while picturing Jesus. This is good. It is right. But, I am more than a king. You can have intimacy with a king as a good servant. But the intimacy between a Father and son is deeper and different.

Me: Yes, Father. I want the deeper intimacy. Show me that part of You. How do I approach you, then?

God: As a son. How does a son approach his father? He approaches with confident joy in the love he knows his flows from his father, and he knows that the thoughts of the father are inherently benevolent and beneficial to the son. Revisit the idea that we had about dressing in your father's clothes.

Me: What should I do with it?

God: Why not write something for fathers to read to their sons?

Me: What an idea! Thank you, Lord.

What are You like as my Father?

God: I am proud. I am proud of My children, and I love to show them off. I love to shower them with blessings and honor them at My table. I love to teach them goodness and righteousness, and I love it when they try to be like Me, even when they fail. My children are My prize possession.

Me: How can I relate to You as my Father?

God: Start with the only way you know how. Call Me "Father," and I will answer from the heart of a father. Call Me "Lord," and I will be your King. Call me "Friend," and I will be closer than a brother. It is good to know Me in all these ways and more. But now is a time for you to spend getting to know Me as My son.

Love at all costs

Passages marked in brackets {...} are edited from the original writing to protect personal information.

Me: Lord, what about all this business concerning {an accusation against me}? You know I am a mixed bag of emotions concerning it. What do You say about it?

God: I am not much concerned by it. Are you? Honor is not easy, but it is necessary. Remember, {when I spoke to you about it before} I told you that I love them. That has not changed, nor will it ever change. Can you take on a mantle of humility even when you are not in the wrong? Even when you are being treated unfairly, can you trust in My word over your life and NOT the circumstances against you?

Me: I can, but I don't like it.

God: Liking it is not an issue. This is also not about obedience, Patrick. This is about true love. How, in the middle of this, can you give an example of true love? That is the real question. Once you understand, love becomes something that you are, not an activity to like or dislike depending on the receiver of your love.

Do you remember? Love looks into the chaos, where there is nothing to love, and creates something to love. The real beauty of it is when the creation begins to emulate the same love that created it. But that is too much for now.

I am not telling you to do this for My sake, rather you need to do this for yourself, so that you can learn to love as I do.

Me: So, what shall I do? I don't feel love in this case. I feel a mixture of pity and disgust. Do I just simply {turn the other cheek for the sake of not entering conflict}?

God: Comply, open yourself to communication and offer yourself. Do not resist, but do not bind yourself to {anyone}. That was the original problem. Just be willing to communicate, do not enter into criticism and {be watchful of the real issue}. Be careful of sarcasm, it is a treacherous tool.

Me: Okay, Lord. Will You please, please, please be with me? I don't know that I can {hold in my emotions}. Just thinking about it makes me angry.

God: I am always with you. You are angry because you think it is an important instance in your life. It is only an opportunity for you to learn to love like Me. So thnk of it in those terms. Approach it with that desire, to display love at all costs.

Me: Sounds hard. But I will do it.

Lord, I don't feel like I have much else to write today. I am still worried about making something out of the time I have during the day, and the fact that I am not really making much money does not help me be at ease.

God: I have told you, trust Me. You have plenty in you. Your writing skills are not publishable yet, but there is plenty of content inside of you. The key for right now is to bury yourself in Me, and dig up the treasures in your heart, and the rest will come.

As for money, I have...{interrupted}

Me: No! Before I write that, Lord, please teach me and help me trust in You, over all things. Do not let me hear something just to put my heart at ease. Do not let me be like Balaam.

God: It is all right, Patrick. I have a job prepared for you. You will prosper and will enjoy it. The job is not for forever. But, you will be able to make money and continue writing and not feel overwhelmed by work. Trust Me. You are doing nothing wrong, and I am not appeasing your selfish desire or lack of trust in Me. This is My provision, I prepared this for you.

Me: How will I know what it is? When will I start?

God: It will find you. Be watchful thirty days from now.

Me: January 8th?

God: Yes.

Me: Are you laughing at me?

God: Yes, you are in for a ride with Me.

Me: This is not fair.

God: (laughing) But it is so much fun!

Deep waters

Me: Good morning, Lord. I don't really have a main question to ask You today. But, I do want to say something. I love You. these past few months have been terrifying and wonderful all at the same time. Thank You for showing me a way to be in Your presence and the confidence to enter it. Thank You for the gift of intimacy with You. Lord, I want to be a good steward of this gift. Please show me how to keep going and to go even deeper into our relationship.

God: Patrick, you know you don't have to come to Me with a question. I just want to be with you, too. I love you, as well. I am so overwhelmed with joy to see and hear you seeking Me every morning. It's the best part of My day. Patrick, keep coming. Some times will be harder than others to enter in to My presence, but that is because some days you will be dealing with more stuff than others. Just keep coming. I AM here. You will never be denied My presence or My voice.

I will take you into the deep things. I created you to be a deep sea diver. You can handle the deep waters. Not every one is able to handle the pressure. I created you for this.

Just be patient and let me take you when you are ready. That time will come, and even now, you are testing the waters and becoming acclimated.

Me: Lord, I will wait. You know I am usually impatient, but I feel comfortable letting You lead me in this. I think, it is because all of this is so new to me, that I feel like I really don't know how to go deeper. Help me stay focused on You.

God: I want you to do those things that I have told you in your journal to do. When I give you a suggestion or a task, it would be good for you to do it. What I tell you is really for your benefit, and not just to fill up your journal.

Find structure for your days, and try to work within that structure. If during your day, you do not know what to do, apply what I have shown you about creativity. Ask Me, and I will show you.

Me: Lord, what about the idea that my wife and I were kicking around?

God: I thnk it is a good idea. You need to develop it and see how it could grow itself and create income at the same time. Do some research. It is a good idea.

Two generations

This morning I awoke from a dream. This is the dream:

I was at some sort of ministry school or center at which there were many students and volunteers. I was not a student, so I must have been a volunteer. As I was helping set up for some sort of event, I was with a girl, and it was unclear whether we were involved relationally or not, but we were working together and were enjoying conversation with each other. She was pretty, and I liked her, but I could tell that there was something about her that was wild and rebellious.

As we finished up something we were working on, we started walking and talking toward the main building. As we were walking, I began talking to her about how people try to be different for the sake of non-conformity, and end up looking just like the other non-conformists. At the entrance, a very large woman, seven or eight feet tall grabbed the girl by the arm and yanked her aside. The large woman began telling the girl to be expecting to face the disciplinary actions being taken against her (the girl) by this woman, and that the girl would probably be kicked out for what she had done (it was not said what the girl had done).

The large woman was furious and left, and I followed her to a type of service window where she waited in line in order to fill out paperwork against the girl. I confronted her at the window. At the same time, there was also a small balding man who was a nervous and fearful type, and he also wanted to take disciplinary action against my friend, the young girl.

As I confronted them, I told the woman (sarcastically in order to exemplify the behavior she was displaying) that I was going to recommend that she not be allowed into heaven for her use of violence against the younger girl by yanking her arm off.

The small man seemed to understand my point much better than the large woman, and I moved away from the woman, and began reasoning with the man about what was going on.

At this point I woke up from the dream.

Me: Lord what was that dream all about?

God: There are many undesireables out there who want to know Me. the religious and the fearful try to change them from who they are, in order to fit them into a mold, and when they will not change, the fearful and the religious would have them kicked out.

Will you go to bat for them? Will you not only show the religious the violence in their behavior, but counsel the rebellious? Can you make peace from generation to generation? This is My church.

Me: Are you asking me, Lord?

God: Patrick, among those who followed Me were Pharisees, tax collectors and prostitutes. There was peace and unity among them. Do you know why?

Me: You say there was peace, but they quarreled over who was going to sit next to You in heaven. But, since You say there was peace, I would imagine it was because You were there with them.

God: They quarreled when they only saw themselves. But, when they had learned that to lead takes a position of servanthood, their example inspired like humility in those around them, and it exposed those people whose motives were evil. Paul reasoned with the religious, and although they heard reason, the jealousy in them often got the better of them. Don't expect reason to work all the time. religion makes people unreasonable.

Me: I don't understand. Lord, why are You showing me this?

God:The present dynamic of the Church is one of disparity between an old guard religion who are afraid of the young rebellious generation entering the church in large quantities. How can they be reconciled? Who can bring them together?

Me: I don't know, Lord. I was doing so in the dream, but it seemed more like I was defending the younger girl because I liked her and she was pretty. But it was clear to me that she probably had been in the wrong at some point. The older woman's reaction, however, was also inappropriate. So, I don't know what You want me to glean or to say about all of this.

God: The point is, Patrick, I have placed you in a position generationally to be a link between these two. You see both sides, and you can pull them together. Learn to serve both groups, and they will learn to cooperate as they see Me in you, and they will learn to become more like Me. But they MUST see Me.

Me: Okay, Lord. I understand that. But how do I do that? My reasoning was ineffective.

God: Patrick, reason is ineffective against the unreasonable, but it is effective with those who would listen. It is not your effort or your wisdom or your ability that unifies. It is My Spirit. The Spirit is with you and in you.

God with Us

Me: Lord, tell me about Immanuel.

God: Tell Me, what has it meant to you to have two-way communication with Me?

Me: It has meant that I now can come to You for understanding when I am frustrated or discouraged. In the middle of a struggle, I have peace. The tunic You gave me, it was something I never expected. It is a real relationship. Before, I was constantly struggling with whether You would ever answer me or not, whether You really cared, whether I would ever be accepted/acceptable.

God: Yes, you are accepted and even promoted. I am with you, but not only did I humble myself to take on human form, I did so in order to take man from mere humanity to true godliness, which is to learn to love as I do. But, without Me, it is impossible.

That is why the name Immanuel is so powerful. Because with Me, all things are possible. All things. All things.

With Me, as you learn to love as I do, you learn to do as I did, and humble yourself in order to promote the lowly. You learn to see people from My perspective and call out the destiny you see in them, you learn to speak the words of life to a broken body and you learn to have authority over the powers of the Earth. All things are possible.

Me: Lord, why is this such a process? Why do we have to struggle so much with the unseen things? If you exposed them, people would be able to resist and believe.

God: People only believe what makes them comfortable. Real faith comes from knowing Me, not believing in Me. Knowing Me requires time with Me.

Me: Lord it took me losing my job before I really dedicated a lot of time alone with You.

God: Yes, a small price to pay, don't you think?

Me: Actually, yes. You are right. So, how should I approach tomorrow's message? What do they need to hear?

God: They need to hear that I am available, and that I have time for them. They need to hear that there is absolutely nothing in their life that is not paid for in full, and nothing that can keep them from Me. They need to hear that in Me and with Me, peace hope and life are on the menu. Tell them your story, tell them about your Friend. You know how to do this.

Closet doors

Me: Lord, this thing about creativity, it's not really new. There are all sorts of technologies taking advantage of the concept. Nanotechnology for example, fractals are something like this idea, that sort of thing. What do you want me to do with it?

God: I want you to understand it. I want you to take the concept and apply it to your life. Most important, I want you to apply it to kingdom purposes. For now, just explore the idea, see where it takes you.

Me: Lord, on a different note, what means have I used effectively to still myself in order to hear You?

God: Praying in tongues has been your most effective method. Open the eyes of your spirit and see Me. You are getting better at this. Use your imagination, it is okay to do so. You will knoe that I am near when you call on Me. So far, so good. Soon this will all be second nature for you.

Me: What other methods would You like me to work on?

God: You have been very intuitive and creative in exploring the possibilities of "imagining" or visualizing when you pray. Just as you have imagined bringing the sick to Me or the people for whom you pray, you can do the same for your own needs. Imagine the need you have as an object you are presenting to Me, and watch what I will do.

Also, your guitar is dusty. You should pull it out more often. If you want to still your mind or quiet yourself, playing (not listening) will help you. You don't need to play anything specifically. Just play as you often do, just trying new combinations and repeating old ones.

Me: Lord, this feels like a business meeting this morning.

God: There is a time for instruction and a time for intimacy. Both are good when they come from Me, don't you think? What would you like to talk about?

Me: I am not much of a conversationalist. I never know how to stimulate an interesting personal conversation from zero.

God: Patrick, that just is not true. You do know how. You just don't do it, because other people reserve their hearts for what feels safe. You go right for the heart and that makes people feel uncertain. It is okay to beat around the bush, as long as you are doing it intentionally to draw a person out of their shell of conventional social behavior. It would be good for you to strategize your approach to people. Write a list of questions that will reveal potential points of entry for you into a person's heart. The truth is that everyone is wounded and, to some extent, guards their hearts. But everyone wants their heart to be touched.

Me: I just don't want to be one of those people that makes a room scatter when I walk in.

God: Don't worry. That is not how people react to Me then they really see Me. They either attack Me with affection or with envy. You will see both.

Exponential creativity

(walking down a street in an old city)

Me: Lord, where are we?

God: Toledo (Spain).

Me: What are we doing here?

God: Toledo has a famous arms factory. Good steel here.

Me: Here we go again. Lord, help me with all of this. I just wrote about Ephesians 6 and I have armor on the brain. What are we doing here?

God: Lets go sit in the plaza by City Hall. At one time, this was one of your favorite places to sit.

Me: There is a lot of history here, and the cathedral is beautiful.

God: Men are always trying to build Me a house. What they don't understand is that I don't want a house of brick. Man builds and builds and does not realize that it is one of those activities that comes from Me. But man takes clay and bricks and manipulates them to form buildings to occupy. I took clay and breathed life into it, in order to take up my dwelling in man. Do you know why it was not good for man to be alone? The creative power I AM is self propagating, and to stop at Adam would have been to deny that creative power.

Me: Lord, why are you telling me this? It seems like a very deep, philosophical idea that doesn't have much of a practical application.

God: Is it practical to know why you are restless? The power of the Holy Spirit is in you, and the nature of that power is self-propagating. It needs an outlet. It must flow out. You are perceiving a need for activity, as if you must be doing something. You are right. But if you will engage in activity that releases the self-propagating creativity in you, if you let that flow out of you, you will release My kingdom. Man builds and does not realize that he is engaged in a counterfeit of My kingdom.

Me: Lord, how can I do what you are talking about? What kinds of things should I engage in?

God: Writing, of course, is one way, and you are doing well to do it. But I tell you all of this so that you can focus your writing. You say you want to write about Me, which is fine. But whether man builds a factory or a church, the building is still just a building. Just so, whether you write a novel or a book about Me, it is still just a book.

The power in you needs to create, but the creation should also create. When you draw from the well of living water in you, this will happen.

Me: So, again, what does that lookk like practically in my life? What can I write that will be, as You say, self-propagating? What other activities are there in which I can engage this "principle?"

God: Think outside of the box of traditional creativity. I cannot be contained in a cathedral, but to many that cathedral is beautiful. It falls under the heading of a traditionally creative work.

Can you imagine a building that builds upon itself? Or a building that builds other buildings capable of building other buildings...and so forth? Yes, it seems an absurd example, but that is the nature of My kingdom.

As far as writing is concerned, you already have ideas swimming around in your heart and head; begin to explore them in light of this idea. Write them down, develop them. Apply this idea to business, finances, your relationship with your wife, etc.

As for other activities, you need to engage people. The power in you craves a dwelling in people, and wants to touch other people. What activity does that sound like to you? Apply your ideas to that as well.

Me: The exponential power of creativity.

God: There you go. You officially have another rabbit trail to follow. But this one is a big one. Do not give up on it, it is what I want you to engage in your life.

Me: Okay, Lord.

Small stuff, big stuff

Me: Lord, the other night, my wife and I made a list of thing for which to ask You. I had a really hard time making my part of the list. It all seemed like "stuff." None of it was very important. Why do I have a hard time asking You for "stuff?" Is this a bad thing? I don't know how to feel about it. It seems very easy for other people; they all seem to know what they want. I don't.

God: Big dreamers have a hard time with small stuff. There is nothing wrong with you. However, you can ask Me for small things as well, and I want you to do so. Am I limited in the goodness of my nature? Yes, there is a difference between needs and wants, but wants are important, as well. As long as you are guarded against selfish desire, fleshly mindsets and greed, wants will flow from the good heart I have given you. You are well practiced in wanting, but you have no expectation to receive. Therein lies your issue. You cast out wants as "selfishness" because you know that they are not necessary to live. Yet, your heart becomes sick from the lack of hope of receiving.

Me: My hope is in You, not in stuff.

God: Rightly so. But by not expecting to receive small things, how can you hope for the impossible? I don't care how small, begin asking Me for anything and everything, and expect to receive those things. As you begin to receive them, you will see how your perspective is changed.

Me: How do I guard against selfishness and materialism?

God: By seeking Me first. Then, all else will be given to you. When you seek Me first, you see material wealth in the right context, and as you receive it, you are also much more willing to give it away and invest it as seed to bless others. Do you understand? When you see money in the context of My kingdom, money's value is not so much what makes the world go 'round, but becomes a tool for spreading the kingdom.

Me: Okay, Lord. That helps. I have another question. How should I approach my daily activity? I am feeling a bit restless at home...

God: Revise your goals. I want you to spend time with Me first, before anything else. After your time with Me, you are free to do what needs doing, but spend time with Me first.

Me: What needs revision in my goals?

God: You need to set goals that are focused on training. Focus on Me first, focus on school, focus on writing, and yes, you need to get some exercise. Reorganize your time around these things.

Me: What about employment? Don't I need a job? The main thing on my list of wants was that I want an income.

God: And you will have it. But right now, you are asking Me how to organize your day, and you have My answer.

Me: That doesn't work for me, Lord. You are giving me a lot of leeway to get nothing done.

God: Trust Me. There is plenty for you to do. If you will do as I tell you, and trust My voice, you will be busier sooner than later.

Me: Can I still look for a job?

God: Is that what you want? A job? Or do you want to step into the life that I have called you to?

Me: What is that life, Lord? When is my hire date? I'm sorry, I am having a hard time with seemingly doing nothing with my time other than thinking, reading, praying and writing it all down.

God: Patrick, will you trust Me?

Me: Yes, but will you please help me understand what You are doing in all this?

God: Patrick, learning to trust comes before understanding. You are looking for My hand on the bicycle you are learning to ride. Just keep pedaling, and learn balance, and trust that I know when to hold you up and when to let you go.

Me: Okay, I will trust You.

Holy Underwear

(seeing Jesus, sitting on a a rock, turning something over in His hands)

Me: Hi Lord, what are you doing?

God: I am making a garment for you.

Me: What kind of garment?

God: It's a tunic. (holds it up for me to see. I see two broad red stripes running down the front.)

Me: What is it for?

God: It is for you to put on. Why am I making it for you? It is an undergarment, a foundation of sorts.

Me: Lord, what does it mean?

God: Well, since you have already googled it, you already know what tunics were for and who wore them. Almost everyone back in My day wore them, I wore one. Yours has red on the front, and is a legionnaire's tunic. I am fitting you for battle, and yes it is spiritual battle.

Me: Who will I be fighting?

God: There is only one enemy, the enemy is he who sets himself against Me, and although he has several parts, he is the only enemy.

Me: Okay, but to what end must I fight? I don't really understand what is going on or what You are saying is about to happen.

God: Patrick, kings and priests have the same role, just on different fronts. You are both, as I have shown you in the past. I am fitting you for the role you will be given in My kingdom. that role requires you to battle against the enemy whether on a fleshly or spiritual front. This tunic is the beginning of the garments, the first to be put on, and worn closest to your body. Without this foundation, no other armor can be worn. The tunic is intimacy and is the essential garment. Without it, everything else you put on will become uncomfortable and an annoyance to you. Do you understand?

Me: I think so, but I will have to keep thinking about it. The foundation for everything You have for me comes from our intimacy, right?

God: Yes, and intimacy with Me makes your battle array comfortable and bearable.

Me: Lord, what about skill? I really don't know anything about doing battle.

God: Intimacy is the key for your ability to be armed and stand against the enemy, but I AM the Lord of Hosts and I will go before you in battle.

Me: Okay. Lord, this all seems strange to me, but I will trust You. Is there something else You want to say to me?

God: Be free.

Me: Free from what?

God: Free from the mindsets that keep you captive to the flesh. I have set you free, be free. How can you go about My business being bound to other things? Stop looking behind you thinking that the past will catch up to you and bind you again. I have all authority, and I have set you free.

Me: Lord, when will I put on the tunic?

God: When you are ready.

Me: I am ready, Lord. Intimacy is what I have always wanted, but I never thought I could have it with You.

God: Patrick, it's okay. Nothing is lost. In all this time, I have been preparing you for this garment, and you will wear it for the rest of your life. Patrick, you are My friend, with whom I will share My secrets, to whom I will give gifts, and in whom I take great pleasure. Stand up, receive your tunic. I will never keep My voice from you. Remember always, through Me you will always be granted access.

A great commission...

Me: Lord, what is on Your mind today?

God: Get up, go back into the house.

Me: Why? It's so pretty out.

God: There is something I want to show you there.

- - - - - travel time - - - - -

Me: Okay, Lord. What do you want to show me?

God: Look to your right. (I see my Bible) Open it to Psalm 13, and read it.

 ¹ How long, O LORD? Will You forget me forever?
         How long will You hide Your face from me?
 ² How long shall I take counsel in my soul,
         Having sorrow in my heart daily?
         How long will my enemy be exalted over me?
        
 ³ Consider and hear me, O LORD my God;
         Enlighten my eyes,
         Lest I sleep the sleep of death;
 ⁴ Lest my enemy say,
         “I have prevailed against him”;
         Lest those who trouble me rejoice when I am moved.
        
 ⁵ But I have trusted in Your mercy;
         My heart shall rejoice in Your salvation.
 ⁶ I will sing to the LORD,
         Because He has dealt bountifully with me. (Psalm 13, New King James Version)

God: Did you see it?

Me: You mean the last line? That is what jumped out.

God: Write me a song.

Me: What do you want it to be about?

God: Patrick, if I tell you what I want it to be about, it takes all the enjoyment out of it for Me. Make it up. Draw from the well inside of you.

Me: Do You just want lyrics, or do You want the music as well?

God: Start with the lyrics, the music will flow from them. Go get your song journal that you never use.

Me: Ha! Okay, Lord.

You saw me in the crowd
You singled me out
How could I be
The apple of your eye
But when I catch your gaze
I come alive

You seem so far away
Like I cannot find the way
How could you want
to be with me
But when you come near
I lose all fear

And I will look into Your eyes
And know you've paid the price
I will sing to You
'Cause you've been good to me

Our fathers' garments

Me: Good morning, Lord. What's the topic for today?

God: Why do I have to do all the talking? What do you have to say to Me?

Me: As if You didn't know...

Lord, show me something new about You. Show me how to "look into Your eyes." I can't imagine what Your face looks like, and it's hard to visualize looking into Your eyes.

God: Go to a mirror. Look into your own and tell Me what you see.

Me: I see myself. At first I see just my own face. But then, the image of me with a crown popped into my head. I was crowned, but hanging my head. Then I saw myself again, still crowned, but this time with a robe. I was looking at the stains on it, and wondering how I came to be wearing it, and about the stains themselves.

I looked like a kid dressed up in his father's clothes. Everything was way too big for me. What does it mean, Lord?

God: Patrick, boys will often go into their fathers' things and pull out their old uniforms, put them on and look into the mirror. What do they look at? They look for some resemblance between themselves and their the hero in their house, their father. Boys dress up like their fathers and look into mirrors so that they can see their fathers in themselves, wanting to believe that they are as brave, as strong, as worthy of honor that their fathers were.

They look at military medals, tour ribbons, and all sorts of brass to find out more about the father they know, what he went through, the things he saw, the friends he made and lost, the sacrifices they all made. When a boy begins to discover these things, he appreciates and loves his father even more, wanting even more to become like him.

You did this with your fathers, and now is the time when you will do the same with Me. You will put on My garments and look for Me in yourself, and you will discover more about Me, the price I paid, the things I did, and you will fall in love with Me again and again as you see who I AM.

I give you permission to use your imagination to do this. Ask Me what you want to know about.

Field of Dreams

Me: Lord, what do You have to say to me today?

God: Patrick, you are like a mixed metaphor.

Me: What do You mean?

God: Double-minded. You start out after Me, and get sidetracked by doing things outside of Me, and you end up in conflict.

Me: Like what, Lord?

God: Like writing. It is okay for you to write to make money. But don't forget the Spirit inside of You is the well of living water. Draw from that well. You must come to Me and drink, seek Me first, and all else will be given to you.

Me: So, Lord, how should I approach writing, and what would You like me to write about?

God: Start with Me. Spend time with Me, and you will have plenty to ponder. The Spirit will reveal things for you to write in your meditation.

Me: What about writing for money?

God: If you write it, people will read it. But if you focus on trying to make money by writing, you will end up in conflict, because you will be focused on the wrong thing. In Field of Dreams, Ray did not build the field to make money. He built it in obedience to the Voice, and because he had the vision to see it. His vision was good, and people were drawn to the final product, some because the product was good, others did not know what drew them to it. Either way, they came. His investment of obedience fed the hope of those drawn as well as fed Ray's family and saved the farm. Go watch the movie and write your reflections.

Me: Lord, what about paying my bills? What about getting back into selling office furniture? How should I approach that?

God: That will not last long.

Me: Lord, can You please confirm that to me?

God: Patrick, your passion confirms it. Where your treasure is, there is your heart. Are you a furniture salesman or a seeker of My face? Again, seek Me first. I know to the penny how much you need and if you trust Me with your finances, you will see miracles. Be encouraged by your faith and stop doubting. Your time to invest in the kingdom is now and if you sew sparingly, you will reap sparingly.

Patrick, you will not stop hearing Me say this: LOOK INTO MY EYES

Have I not brought you here? Have I not been faithful to tend to your needs despite yourself? When will you taste and see that I AM good? You will profit more from your time with Me than with any business idea or striving to make money. Go out and seek Me. Change your mind and look through spiritual eyes at the people and places around you. Ask Me, and I will reveal the mysteries of the Kingdom to you. I have chosen you for this, because this is what delights you. You are My son, and I am charging you to do My business. You are in training. Hold on to Me, I will not disappoint you, and the things I give you are better than money. Go out, find Field of Dreams and ask Me about it. Then, write.



Me: Well, Lord...I watched it.

God: Tell me what you thought.

Me: I found myself crying throughout the movie, and I didn't know what exactly I was crying about. I love that movie. I love the fact that it starts out with Ray saying that he had never done anything "crazy" until he heard the Voice. I loved the way his wife encouraged him, even though she did not know what was going on. She believed in him, and had faith in him. I love the way he got angry with the ambiguity in the Voice. It forced him to act by faith in what he felt in his heart. I loved the fact that deep down, he was hiding the question "What's in it for me?"

I identified a lot with Ray. I feel like I am embarking on a crazy journey that is threatening to impair us financially. It makes no sense to me, but it seems like despite the threat, the journey is necessary to finding the wholeness of soul that I want so badly...it sheds light on the question I asked you about the scripture "My burden is light" being translated as "wholesome." So, now what?

God: Go and write.

Handling Rejection

God: Read Acts 13.

Me: What am I looking for?

God: It will find you. Just go read it.

Click here to read Acts 13

Me: Ok Lord, I have read it.

God: Tell me what you noticed in the story.

Me: I noticed that as Paul was teaching, the Jews in authority did not necessarily reject the message at first, but when they saw the crowds of people hungry for more, they were jealous. They were jealous of the attention Paul and Barnabus received. They did not begin contradicting the message until after Paul had the people's attention.

I also thought the words "continually filled" with the Holy Spirit in the last verse were interesting.

God: Will you be able to handle rejection like Paul? He "shook off" the dust from his feet and moved on and kept preaching.

Me: I would like to say yes, Lord. But, I really don't know. I tend to take things fairly personally, and shaking it off isn't always easy for me, even when I know that it isn't something on which I should dwell or that the source of rejection is unimportant to me. Why do I do that?

God: Paul knew what he was meant for, I sent him, and he went confidently knowing that he would face hardship. He was confident because he knew Me. The strength he displayed in trials was from knowing Me. He had found My approval, My favor, My grace, and he accepted it as truth. To him, this truth was more real than gravity.

Patrick, do not seek approval from men. Men can become jealous, envious or covetous very quickly without fully knowing it, when they themselves seek the favor and approval from men.

Me: Lord, why do we need approval?

God: Men's approval is a substitute for the salvation found in the depths of My love. Men seek fame and popularity to find worth, but it is a treacherous place to invest self-esteem, because the opinions of men are so easily swayed. The price I paid for you is the only value that will never change.

Me: How do I put my trust in the value you have declared? Why do I continue looking to others for approval?

God: Look into My eyes.

What is Good?

God: Patrick, what if I told you that I am good?

Me: Lord, I know You are good.

God: But what if I told you that I REALLY AM good, the source of all good.

Me: Well, what is "good?"

God: That's a good question.

Me: Funny, Lord.

God: Good is what gives and sustains true life. Patrick, I love that you ask questions. Be sure that you do not let your questions hinder you.

Me: How do they hinder me?

God: If you do not receive an answer to your question, do not stop there. Keep seeking Me for Me, not for answers to your questions. Remember, I AM the prize. I AM good. The truth you want will be revealed in due course as you get to know and become more like Me. Be careful that your questions do not become the seeds of doubt. Trust in My goodness, my nature to give and sustain true life founded in love.

Me: Lord, why are You telling me this now?

God: Patrick, I am good. There are questions that can be asked which shed doubt on the truth of My goodness. Look instead at the evidence of Me. Remember, even My physical death is good, necessary to sustain life, to preserve relationship with the Father. I am good, but not always do I make sense according to what is generally thought of as good. Change your perspective about our life according to this. I do not work all things for your comfort, but for your good. I promise to be the source of life, to sustain your life, to be a good father to you. I love you.

Me: I love You Lord. Thank you.

Strength vs. Authority

Me: Hi, Lord.

God: Patrick, I am proud of you.

Me: (incredulous) Why?

God: I love to watch your progress. Every father is proud when he sees his son trying to be like him.

Me: Well, I am trying. I feel like some times are more successful than others. Lord, I have been looking over some of my journaling, and I don't feel confident that they are from You. Take the one about You not being able to live without Your creation. That concerns and perplexes me, and I do not want to go any further in any kind of deception. Can You show me the truth?

God: Yes, Patrick, I can. Of course, I am the beginning and the end, and I created and was, therefore, before all things. But My nature is creative, just as I once showed you. My love is null without you and all creation. Just as I was before all things, I had to create out of love, because there was only Me.

Unless you can nullify time and see all eternity, you will not fully grasp this. You think linearly and cannot see the entirety of I AM. You will come to know Me, but today you only know what you can see of Me. There is no end to Me and that is impossible for you. Do not dwell on this, only know that I love you, and without My creation, I AM not.

Me: OK, I don't understand that at all, and it still bothers me, especially in the light of the new heaven and earth idea, everything passing away, etc. But it does not seem important for today, so I will try not to dwell on it.

What about the whole thing with Adam and Eve?

God: Patrick, a blind man does not know he is blind until he can see. Adam and Eve sinned, and were able to see themselves for the first time outside of My vision. They could discern their condition on their own.

Unless you care that you are naked, why do you need clothes? Adam and Eve were able to see themselves and their condition, having disobeyed Me. Until then, they had no reason to evaluate themselves. When they saw their own condition, they were ashamed of the condition that left them exposed to My wrath. Naked bodies are merely a metaphor for having left My covering. Notice who made clothing for them. I did. I covered them again in a way in which their new eyes could see.

Patrick, do not give up. I am here. Look into My eyes, and focus on My voice.

Me: I just keep getting the feeling that I am coming up with all of this myself. The last thing the world needs is another "christian" with so-called revelation. Lead me not into temptation, deliver me from evil. I want Your kingdom, Your truth, Your will, Your heaven on Earth.

God: Patrick, I am in you, you are on Earth. My kingdom, My truth, My will, My heaven are present within you. Don't forget that. Just hear what I say, and the truth will be according to My word, and you will not be led astray.

Me: OK, Lord. Help me focus.

I have a question. What does it mean for you to be perfectly strong when I am perfectly weak?

God: A man's strength often comes from his determination to perform a thing, or, having received results from an action, a man will trust in his ability to repeat and/or improve upon those results.

Man's strength is a counterfeit for what I created him for, which was to have dominion on the Earth in relationship with Me. The truth is, before sin entered the Earth, man had no need to exert his own strength. He simply had authority from Me, and all creation bowed to his authority. Adam handed over his authority to the enemy when he sinned, and man began moving in his own strength when he tried to re-exert his authority.

So, now, in your flesh, you want to exert strength to accomplish or perform, whereas by My Spirit you have been given authority. However, wielding My authority requires full submission to My Spirit. My Spirit does not respond to strength, but meekness and humility.

My authority was re-established on Earth by an act of humility and submission. Sin entered as an act of acquiring "strength" outside of God. My authority is contradictory to man's self-will.

In the Old Testament, My prophets were killed because of this. Those warriors on whom My Spirit rested were mighty in battle. My authority requires submission to My Spirit, otherwise a man is rebelling against Me, even if his objective aligns with Mine. But, in Me, a man can do all things, so why do so out of Me?

Mistakes vs. Sin

Me: Jesus, I am not sure what to think about You saying "I love you." Can you help me?

God: Patrick, this is not a test. I merely want to get you to a point of understanding what My love does in a person.

Me: Well, I know that Your love is life, that it is the source of all good things, that without it, I would be dead by now, physically and/or spiritually.

God: Don't forget that it is not a tap that you can turn on and off. I love you, always and forever from the beginning to the end.. Yes, it is the source, I AM. So, why do you harbor doubt in your heart? Do you need more convincing about who I AM? I know you believe that I am good, but you doubt that I will be a good father to you, you doubt My goodness in your own life. Why would that be?

Me: Because I feel like Your goodness gets wasted on someone like me, who is undeserving of Your forgiveness over and over. I keep making mistakes and feel like You get tired of me sticking my foot in "it."

God: Am I limited in love? Look into My eyes and look to see if there is an end to My grace. Grace is My gift, which is given not based on your merit, but based on the amount of love I have for you. If one does not have an end, how can the other?

Patrick, of course you will make mistakes, colossal in your own eyes, but colossal victories for My love. Mistakes are merely exposed areas for Me to cover with My love. Do not hide from Me, so that I will cover you always.

Me: Lord, why do we hide? Adam and Eve hid because they were naked. What does that mean?

God: They were naked before, but their mistake made them look at themselves, and knowing right from wrong, they saw that they were unprotected, vulnerable to Me for having broken trust. Nakedness was not the sin, sin was the point in them which made them unable to face Me, they had stepped out of My grace, and were now naked in their own eyes.

You do the same thing when you hide from Me. You can always come to Me and My grace will be a covering for your sin. Do not hide because you have broken trust and know it. Knowing you have sinned, flee to Me. In your mistakes I will teach you and discipline you to have strength against the deceiver. As you become more like Me, you will embrace this process, and at the same time, the process will be less of your daily life.

You will become a man who sees what I do and will do the same, and hears what I say and say it.

Me: That will take a long time, don't You think?

God: We have all of eternity.

Me: I keep forgetting that.

God: It's OK, I will keep reminding you.

Me: Lord, when you were a child, did you know who You were?

God: I knew My Father. He taught Me just as I am teaching you. Even as I was teaching others, I learned. I also had to grow in wisdom and favor. I did not sin, but I did make mistakes as a child. From them, I learned.

Me: What kind of mistakes did You make?

God: Disregard for my parents' emotions, of course I was in the synagogue, but I had forgotten to tell them where I was.

Me: Lord, am I making this up?

God: Patrick, mistakes are many. Sin is different. Sin comes from the heart and is blatant disregard for My (spoken) Word. You will make mistakes in sin and out of it. Do not concern yourself with not making mistakes, they will happen. Concern yourself with resisting the temptation to sin. The more you are with Me, the more time you spend with Me, the easier to resist sin will be. For this reason, do not hide yourself in shame, but come to Me freely without stopping. Flee to Me and I will cover you.

Stay awake

I see you out in a park
And there were many leaves blowing, but this one particular
Leaf seemed to take on a life of its own
And you began to follow it
It was separate from the pack of leaves
And see life situations and circumstances has led you apart
I see you being led to walk a singular path
A time of reflection, time of deep prayer
God is calling you aside so He can speak with you
Outside the walls of life
Where things get busy
Distractions cry out
You will begin to feel a greater pulling of your spirit to separate yourself from others
God wants to touch you in this place
And give you instructions for the next phase of which is to come

Me: Lord, what about the word I got, what are the leaves?

God: They are endless possibilities all being pushed and moved by the Holy Spirit. The one you choose is up to you.

Me: Lord, I want to choose the one that draws me closest to You. I want to write, I want to spend time with You and go deep with You.

God: OK, Patrick. You must discipline yourself. Stay awake, and do not fall asleep.

Me: What do you mean?

(interrupted)

God: Keep your mind alert, your ears listening to My voice, do not let a spirit of slumber overtake you. You will be faced with laziness, slumbering, letting your mind take a vacation from your task at hand, which is to focus on Me, and stay with Me in a place of learning. Yes, you are already facing it. Your best strategy to overcome it is to journal with me regularly. Do not settle with once every other day or once in the morning alone. Listen for my call to sit with Me, and get your journal out, and sit with Me.

Staying focused

God: Patrick, read My word. It is time. What better resource for you to begin your writing career than by digging into My word. I have given you a wonderful way of seeing the written word, and it will be a part of the uniqueness behind what you write.

So, Lord, should I become a writer full time, or should I take a part time job?

God: Patrick, stay focused on Me. What is the benefit of your writing? Paying bills or doing what is in your heart to do, which is to love Me, spread My kingdom, and have the joy you have been looking for?

Me: Well, right now, my concern is not putting a burden on my wife as the sole income earner. Of course, I want to do what is in my heart, but that seems such a far-off thing, and what keeps coming to my mind is what I can see, which is a monthly budget that has been cut in half.

God: Remember what I told you. Trust Me with your finances. Write, and bury yourself in My word. What qualifies you for your calling is not winning contests or getting published or making a living, but My grace on your life. Every prophet felt unqualified for My call on their life. The point is not their achievements, but their obedience to My heart and My will.

I will provide for you and I will prepare you for your calling. I have placed you in a position where you will flourish in My calling for your life. Do it. Don't worry about the money aspect. I am life everlasting, I am blessing, I am your Father.

Me: Lord, will you pay our bills? Will You help me earn a living? Will you be the source?

God: Patrick, I love you. What does that mean to you?

Me: Lord, what about the books that I had an idea to write? Should I pursue that?

God: Is it in your heart to do that?

Me: I think so. I want to write about You, though. Would people buy a book about You and {that topic}?

God: I would.

Me: Ha! OK, Lord. What does it mean to You, when You say "I love you?"

God: Patrick, it means everything. Without you, I could not live.

Me: Whoa! I can't hear that. That is really hard...what do you mean?

God: Patrick, why do you think I did all of this? My relationship with you makes Me whole. yes, it is a part only, but I cannot live without all of the pieces.

Me: So you are saying that you predestined our relationship? And...

God: No, Patrick, that is not the point. I was killed so that our relationship could be whole and unrestricted. My earthly death was necessary to include you. I know your whole life, and I know the whole story. I will have victory in the end, because of my love for you and everyone. My love created, and it cannot exist without My creation.

Me: Lord, I am going to have to chew on this, because I don't know theologically how to handle it.

God: OK, chew. Let me know if you get anywhere with that. But do not forget to ponder what it means to you that I love you. there is a wealth of treasure to be found there.

Speaking to my heart

Me: Heart, tell me what is in you. I would like to do what is in you to do, but I need help knowing what you want.

Heart: Love God.

Me: That is a little vague. Do you have anything specific?

Heart: that is pretty specific, actually. The manifestation of loving God has endless possibilities. The sky is not even the limit. You can do all things.

Me: OK, but what specifically?

Heart: You want to spread His love on the Earth. You want to see His Kingdom come, and you want joy.

Me: How can I spread His love? Will that bring me joy?

Heart: You spread His love by being you. You are full of it, and cannot contain it. He is joy, He is peace, He is life everlasting.

Me: (frustrated) So, please help me. How can I employ this desire? What job, or what career can I do to use this?

Heart: Anything you choose to do does not change who you are. Choose. The possibilities are endless.

Me: So, it is a question of putting my talent to work?

Heart: Patrick, you are avoiding the real question. You are asking me how you should make money. Anything you choose will give you opportunity to tap into your heart, which is to love God and have joy.

Me: OK, what should I do with my life, then? How should I make money?

Heart: Choose.

Tricked into a blessing

Me: Good morning, Lord. It is hard for me to find You this morning. I feel like You have tricked me. (for telling me to stay in a job from which I was fired the next day)

God: In a sense, I did. But not to laugh at you, not to ridicule you, not to shame you. I tricked you into a blessing. You learned a lesson and I answered the desire of you heart at the same time. What, then, is it about this that bothers you?

Me: I didn't expect it.

God: Ha! I will never be predictable. Patrick, when I was with the disciples, I constantly blew their minds with My words and actions. It is so wonderful to watch as mindsets are shattered. It isn't until you mind is totally unrestrained that all things become possible.

Patrick, you were going to ask Me this morning about what you were born to do. You were born to dream. Yes, you have a talent for developing ideas, but I created You to dream new and bigger ideas.

Why did I give you such a heart level revelation about the creative power in My love? Because it is your destiny to walk in that power. Now, join the creative power of my Love with the eternal perspective that you are learning to have. You are created to do great things. You aren't there yet, but you are well on your way.

Me: That's a little hard to swallow right now, Lord. But, I will receive it as well as I know how.

God: Ha! Don't think of My word over you today as something you must swallow before it becomes true. the truth of My word is what forms you, not you swallowing or digesting it. It will be done.

Me: Thank You, Lord. As for now, what shall I do? The prospect of returning to the office furniture industry is not that exciting to me. You have asked me several times, "What do you want?" I honestly do not know how to answer. You have told me to dig, and I do not know what digging in my heart looks like. What can You tell me about that?

God: Patrick, read your journals. You are an adventuring captain, something I have confirmed to you outside of this journal on more than one occasion. And, yes, you have a calling to pastor people. You have administrative talent, relational talent, teaching talent. Do you want to use these talents? Then go risk them in the marketplace and watch Me increase them.

Me: What do you mean, Lord?

God: Patrick, I mean that I am not giving you a specific mandate as far as your employment is concerned. I want you to consider what you want, how you want to use the talents I hae given you, and then use them however you see fit. I will increase them, Patrick. This is not a "test," rather it is your opportunity to co-create with Me. Patrick, your heart is revealing to you all the time what it does and doesn't want. Listen to it by quieting your mind and letting your heart speak.

Me: What does it sound like, Lord?

God: It sounds like Me, because it is where I live.

Reunion of Creator and Creation

Me: Good morning, Lord. What are you doing way up there? (The Lord was above the earth looking down)

God: Just hanging out. Come with Me, I want to show you something.

Me: Lord, what are you showing me? All I keep seeing is the Earth. Help me, I do not know what I am seeing.

God: I love it (the Earth). My heart groans to be reunited permanently with the creation. But, my reunion with it depends on the Church. See the shadow over the whole Earth? That will change. My people will fill it with My light. On that day, the Earth will be finished, and the new heavens and Earth will be complete.

Me: Lord, this is all really heavy. Why are You showing this to me now?

God: Patrick, what is your purpose? Do you think you are merely here to go to work during the week, go to church on Sundays, and have a normal life, with the possibility of blessing a few people here and there?
You hunger for truth. You hunger for the deep mystery. You want to know the reality of Me and your role. Just as I said to Peter, feed My sheep. Yes, I have filled you with life changing words. These words are light and life, because I will give them to you.
The prophets of old spoke to a people who would not receive. You will speak to a fertile people who will receive the word and honor Me. My people are waiting to hear a real word, they will know My voice.

Me: I am not really comfortable with what I am writing, Lord.

God: That's not My problem. None of this is new to you. But do not get concerned, I will confirm all of this to you in due time. Just know, Patrick, that it is good for you to fill your heart with the Word. The more you are filled, the more of it you will propagate.

Biblical Meditation: Living Water

Now on the last day, the great day of the feast, Jesus stood and cried out, saying, "If anyone is thirsty, let him come to Me and drink. He who believes in Me, as the Scripture said, 'From his innermost being will flow rivers of living water. But this He spoke of the Spirit, whom those who believed in Him were to receive; for the Spirit was not yet given, because Jesus was not yet glorified. - John 7:37

Then he showed me a river of the water of life, clear as crystal, coming from the throne of God and of the Lamb, in the middle of its street. On either side of the river was the tree of life, bearing twelve kinds of fruit, yielding its fruit every month; and the leaves of the tree were for the healing of the nations. - Revelation 22:1-2

But his delight is in the law of the LORD, and in His law he meditates day and night. He will be like a tree firmly planted by streams of water, which yields its fruit in its season and its leaf does not wither; and in whatever he does, he prospers. - Psalm 1:2-3

"Abide in Me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself unless it abides in the vine, so neither can you unless you abide in Me. I am the vine, you are the branches; he who abides in Me and I in him, he bears much fruit, for apart from Me you can do nothing. If anyone does not abide in Me, he is thrown away as a branch and dries up; and they gather them, and cast them into the fire and they are burned. If you abide in Me, and My words abide in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you. My Father is glorified by this, that you bear much fruit, and so prove to be My disciples.” - John 15:4-8

Questions:
Where does the river come from? What does it feel like? What is it designed to produce? What will be the effects of what is produced? How important is it to live out of this river? What happens if I neglect the river and live out of self's initiative? Is there anything else you want to show me?

Me: Lord, please enlighten me.

God: I created all things with my Word, but only to man did I give my breath, Ruach, the Spirit. The source of your spirit is my essence. I am love, and all things flow from love. Love is the most creative power. Just as I brooded over the waters, I drew close to man and breathed my essence into him, love. Man is the only creature capable of it.

Me: Lord I feel as if this is all something I am writing from previous knowledge. Can you help me tune to spontaneous flow of Your Spirit and show me what you would like to show me about these verses?

God: Patrick, the river is love. My love is endless. You are a finite container, full of an infinite Me. How can you possibly contain Me? You are not designed to contain Me, quite the opposite, you were designed to distribute Me. My love is the most creative power, period. All the heavens and earth were created by My love, Man was given Love as a part of his nature. You were given a purpose to be a tributary, yes tributary (remember My body is the entire church) of this river of love. But you can simply not contain Me, I am the source of life. So, as you flow in Me, as you stay connected to me and in flowing communication with Me, you will participate in my creation, you cannot help but take part.

Patrick, if the Holy Spirit is called the Spirit of Truth, what Truth more constant than my Love can you find? Why are you having trouble with the river being love? I am the river, love is the river, I am love. The Holy Spirit is Love and Truth, just as I am. Do not be caught up on semantics. You are figuring out. Let me show you the river.

What is the great mystery of creation? Life. If my love is the river, life springs up on the banks. My essence is love, life is the result. It is as you once put it: where there is nothing to love, my love will create something to love. In other words, where there is a void, in order to fill the void, my love results in creating something in that void to love. Those things that abide in My love are tapped into the source of all life and everything. Hence, trees planted by a stream, leaves that heal, bearing fruit every season, when tapped into the source of life, it is a constant process of bearing fruit.

You have heard correctly Patrick. Be encouraged. I will not fail you. I love you. Come to me with your hunger and thirst for wisdom and truth. You will find it in Me. I will not feed you stones. Don’t forget that. I will send correction when needed, and I will keep you straight.

Come out and play

Me: Lord, how do I become like a child when I approach You?

God: Patrick, do you remember what you used to ask when you would go to a neighbor's house to invite your friend to come outside?

Me: Yeah, "Can so and so come out to play?"

God: Right. To play was all that was ever specified. Everything was possible, anything could happen. It wasn't until the two of you actually got together that you decided what to play.

Me: So I should ask You to come out and play?

God: Patrick, I have been asking YOU! Come out of your shelter, and enjoy an adventure with Me. Just come out knowing that with Me, all things are possible, and even though we will battle and face perils, we always will come out the victors. The adventure is ours, and I cannot be beaten.

Do you remember that dream, in which you saw an abandoned room full of toys where you had "left your heroes behind?" Well, it's time to re-discover that sense of adventure that inspired your imagination, the same imagination that made you have heroes.

You used to play so much, you were always battling, conquering, adventuring. With Me, it is the same, only real, and instead of pretending to be Han Solo, Superman, Batman etc., you get to be YOU! And your superpower is Me. Oh, the adventure! Come out and play.

Idols of the heart

Me: Lord, what idols do I have in my heart?

God: Your own “version” of happiness is not what it really looks like. I am your joy. Money is not, children are not, a nice car, a nice house etc. You are focused on what you do not have, not on ME. I will tell you the truth, and that is that if you keep your eyes on things to own, I will strip them from you to get your eyes back on me. Not because I want to punish you, but because I love you too much to let something get in the way. If I let you have only what you want, and those things are a hindrance, I would be giving you a curse, and that is not who I am.

If you want something, ask Me. I am not keeping you in your job to punish you. I am keeping you there to be a blessing to others who are also my children whom I love. Will you go around my will to get what you want? Will you deceive yourself in this way? Do you not know that my way is the best way? Don’t you think that I am taking care of any concerns you have? Do you still think I am absent?

Patrick, STAY with me. Quit distracting your mind. You bury yourself in zoning out to not think about worries, but you zone Me out with them. Bring them to Me and I will talk to you about them. I want you to be happy, of course. I love you. But your happiness depends on the extent to which you are wiling to surrender your earthly desires to the need for Me in your life. All things I give to you are life. I am giving you the opportunity to participate with me in the lives of two people who desperately need me. I can tell you, that I will prosper you. Do not think that I will give you a stone to eat.

Me: Lord, how do I not carry this burden? How am I supposed to deal with other people's stuff on a daily basis when that is like fingernails on a chalkboard to me?

God: Patrick, focus on Me. Find my heart for them. You do not have to like them, but you must love them. Only from My love will you do that effectively. Because they grate your nerves, you are especially effective with your prayers. When you pray from obedience to Love, you pray selflessly, and learn to agree with My will for them. I am asking you to participate. Many people see me as a church building, not a person. You know Me, and can talk for me. You can intercede for them. Help me.

Me: Lord, I have been so obstinate lately. I am sorry. I really am. I need help, though. What is keeping me rebellious about this?

God: For one, you are independent. You do not like being under a microscope, and that is understandable. You don’t want people to see what is there to be found. You are open and honest with many things that other people are not, but you have your secrets and you would like them to stay secret. If you would free yourself from these things, you would free yourself from the fear of exposure. Fully exposed is true freedom. When I am with you, there is nothing to wound you. Lust for earthly things is your second enemy.

Me: Lord, am I lazy?

God: Sometimes. Other times you work very hard for what you want, but the fruit is short lived. I do not call you to be a workaholic for the things you want. I want to bless you. I want you to ask Me for things. But if your focus is on earthly things, the enjoyment of them will always be short lived, because you will always want something more.

Me: Lord, I don’t know what I want, I am filling holes all the time. I do want you to occupy all of that space in me, but You seem like a lot of work too. How do I stop looking around at things to stuff into myself? How do I focus on You and you alone? How do I leave these things behind? How do I become dependent on You and your blessing? HOW HOW HOW?

God: Patrick, if you think of me as work, then you are praying to the wrong Jesus. If you think of me as your friend, your father, your brother, your lover...do you want to spend time with Me? Do you want to please Me? Do you want to do nice things for Me? Do you want to accommodate Me? How do you think of Me, and in turn, how does that change your attitude towards what I ask of you? Please don’t turn Me into a task master. Spend time with Me. Talk to Me, listen to Me, read My story. Look into My eyes. Put all other things away when you want to talk. Do not let your mind be distracted. Daydream with Me, and I will be that fullness you are looking for in your life. But if you are looking for a life that is not challenging at times, then you are out of luck, because it is challenging. The only thing I can say is that with Me, the challenge always has an answer. It just is not always your answer.

The other company may be a good opportunity, but it is not the right time for you to leave. I know you have a hard time with your situation. I promise you that you will not regret if you listen to me on this. Stick with Me.

Me: Lord, how will I generate business? Will you tell me how to do that? Will you show me?

God: What makes you go back to business? Is it the money?

Me: Yes, partly. But you know I also want to be good at what I do, and right now, I feel so spread out that I can’t really generate much. No, it is mostly money. I am really frustrated with all of this. I really need your help. Please help me not be so easily frustrated. Don’t you have a special grace for that?

God: Patrick, you are favored. You are favored. You are my favorite. I will help you. I want you to spend time every day asking Me on behalf of the business and those with whom you work. But I want you to focus mostly on them. Lift them up daily. I will lead you about what to pray for them. As for your frustration, that will leave when you begin to obey Me. Obedience is more like what I spoke to you about earlier, if you turn Me into a task master, it is a burdensome thing. But if you think of Me as your lover, then obedience is second nature. Meditate on how you think of Me. Find Me, don’t settle for a Big Boss Man in the sky. I am so much more than that. I love you Son. Thank you for coming to Me. I love to be with you. Its OK.

Obedience is not always easy...

Me: Good morning, Lord. You have been telling me that I need to pray for the business and for my bosses. Can You help me with that? I feel pretty stubborn right now, because I don't want to be there, it seems like a constant battle and that I am submitting myself to something I don't agree with. So it is hard for me to want to pray.

God: Wanting is not the issue here. Obedience to what I have told you is what you need to do. I know what you are going through at work. You aren't a perfect employee, just as nobody is perfect. Nonetheless, I love them and I want to bless them. [section omitted] When you are at work, command the principalities to fall in My name, and they will.

Obedience is not always easy, Patrick. You don't need to figure out why you are there, when you will be moving on, what you will do next, etc. Trust Me. TRUST Me. I have taken care of it. Just be diligent with what I have given you today.

Me: What else would You like to say, Lord?

God: Pray for your wife.

Blessed with a Challenge

Me: OK, Lord, what would you like to talk about?

God: Be patient.

Me: Patient with what?

God: Yourself. You are very self-condemning, Patrick. If I do not condemn you, then why do you insist on condemning yourself? Are you a better judge than I? I know you make mistakes and go off and do something that seems utterly contrary to what I am leading you toward. You WILL make mistakes.

But I will not lose you. I will never allow you out of My love, and I will never change My mind about how much you mean to Me. I will not condemn you or punish you for mistakes or for dealing with your flesh. The closer we become, the more these things will "stick out" or seem out of place in your life, because they are being purged from your life. Make no mistake, I do not want you to continue making the same mistakes repeatedly. When you stumble, reach for My hand, and I will pull you to your feet.

The more closely we walk together, the less you will fall, because I am safety and rest. In Me you will not fall, only your flesh will be crucified with Me. Don't confuse that process with being a bad friend to Me. I love your company. Don't let anything, any mistake, keep you from reaching out to Me.

Me: OK, Lord How do I get rid of some of the things that keep tripping me up?

God: Look into My eyes. Keep your gaze fixed on Me. Keep your ears tuned to My voice. All else will work itself out.

Me: Thank you Lord for loving me. Lord, I am having a bit of a hard time at work. I am frustrated with my job. What can you tell me about this?

God: Do not be frustrated. That is a sign of self-will being overturned. I know you want to do well in your job, and I know you want to make money. I am your provider, Patrick. Submit yourself to your job and as I told you before, you need to look at your presence there as an assignment from Me. Pray for the business and pray for your bosses.

Ask Me, and I will tell you how to make that business more profitable. [section omitted] You must submit to authority with humility. Humility is only a choice in part. It comes more easily when you tap into My heart. You will hear My voice, and I will not fail you.

You are doing well, Patrick. I am proud of you. You have my blessing on you, go and shine.

Waxing Ransomed Heart...

Me: Lord, I have been trying to dig into my passions. I used to say that I wanted to be a baseball player, and I also used to think that I wanted to be a pilot. But I don't really consider those to be passions. What do You say about this?

God: Well, I like baseball, too. There is a certain nostalgia surrounding baseball to which many people are drawn. In part, it is because of the warrior in you. Baseball is a battle, one that can turn at any moment with one swing of the bat or with the extra stretch made to catch a homerun ball. It is also a very unifying game for fans and for players. Teamwork is essential. Fans find common ground by complaining about the umpire or pitching or in celebrating the comeback in the last inning.

Patrick, all this is in you. You are a warrior. You love the adventure of baseball, you love the battle and you love the unexpected turns it can take, you love to see a good play come together to accomplish something great. You love finding common ground with other people, because you love people, and you love to share in the joy of victory with them.

Your love of flying is because you love to see the beauty in the sky and on the earth below. To add, you love your own father, a pilot, with whom you have wanted to have something in common, so you have kept this love of flying. Other sons have keepsakes or trinkets from their father, but you have kept this.

Patrick, you know that all this is from Me. Your passion is not these activities. You are getting in touch with your own heart, and it is a heart for adventure, people, beauty and victory, all of which point to Me.

Me: So, I am back where I started.

God: Not really. You have just dug up four qualities of who you are, who I created you to be. What do you think it takes to lead? These qualities may not seem like major revelation to you, but your problem is embracing these things and not to keep them buried for fear of having them turn on you. Your years in Spain were spent by having your heart trampled almost to death. It has taken a while to get you back here to see who you really are in Me.

Me: Lord, all this sounds a lot like John Eldredge stuff.

God: Where do you think he got it? You are mighty, Patrick, more so than you will see on this Earth. You are a leader who loves those he leads, and encourages through perilous adventure, who sees beauty in the adventure and can describe it to others, and who keeps going until the day of victorious rejoicing. I created you very carefully, and I love how you turned out. You are My son, My spitting image and you delight Me.

Rhema

Me: Lord, tell me about the word rhema.

God: It is a transmission through spoken word from one person to another. Words that have substance such as truth, creative/destructive power, purpose.

Me: Lord, what would you like to say to me this morning? I am having a hard time hearing, please help.

God: Let me slow down for you. I am speaking all the time, and there is so much I want to do with you, I know you get overwhelmed by all the creativity in you. But that is good! It should not be contained.

Me: Lord, I don't understand.

God: You will have ideas that I want you to give away. They are for others, not you. Write down ideas that you have and ask Me, I will quicken to you to whom you should give them. Some you will know, others you won't. These ideas will often be a planted seed and other times will be just the thing the person needs to get over the hump.

Me: Lord, what about my job?

God: I will confirm to you when it is time to move. Right now, hold on. [section omitted] Stay and pray for the business; consider it a part of your job. Before you move on, you need to find focus in and with Me. You still haven't told Me what you want to do. Search your own heart, I will show you things you have forgotten about yourself. Start digging.

Patrick, you can speak to your own heart to reveal these things to you. Experiment. Digging takes a little exertion to break the surface. Dig until you hit something hidden in your heart, and we will examine it together. I am so excited for you, I truly am enjoying this.

Me: Me too. I wish I had known how to do this before. This is what I have wanted from You for so long.

God: I know Patrick. And I am so glad you can see the value in it. This is a big, big part of unlocking the secret of who you are. I have been waiting an eternity for this.

A Love Letter

Me: Lord, I want to see Your eyes. I want to look into them and see who You are. Whatever situation I find myself in, You are with me and give me peace. I am not always quick to hear Your voice, I don't always get it right, yet You keep loving me, You keep smiling on me, You keep giving me good gifts as if nothing that I do would ever change Your affection for me. Lord, I think about these things and wonder. I want to know You. I love You so much.

God: Ah, boy...You have no idea how good that was for me to hear. I love the way you say things, how you want your words to count. Patrick, nothing you do will ever change the way I see you. I know your struggles and I know your pitfalls. Do you think I don't know what you face? I have told you that I work all things for good. I will take you through the things that bog you down and clutter your heart. Oh, I am so excited for you! We have such a wonderful time ahead.

I will always love you, I can't help but show my affection. As I told you before, I cannot, nor will I contain it. My love is the source of all things. You bring me so much joy. Keep going, keep coming to Me, and all these things will melt away

Wisdom and Foolishness

1 Corinthians 1:18-2:16

...but God has chosen the foolish things of the world to shame the wise, and God has chosen the weak things of the world to shame the things which are strong...

...so that your faith would not rest on the wisdom of men, but on the power of God...

...For to us God revealed them through the Spirit; for the Spirit searches all things, even the depths of God...

Notes:
Foolishness (μωρία or moria): silliness, absurdity

God has chosen to shame? Does God give shame?

God will nullify those that boast in own merit.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Me: Lord, what does it mean to You to be foolish?

God: Don't rely on your own intelligence. Of course, your intelligence is useful, but mine is much more so. You will get only so far on your own. So, let Me step in and show you things which you are unable even to imagine.

Patrick, I created all life and the universe. Don't you think that not only can I show it to you and reveal to you the mysteries of who I am, but that I want to? I love to teach, and I know you are eager to learn. We have an eternity together, so pace yourself, I won't run out of things to show you.

As far as foolishness, I do not intend to make a fool out of anybody in My name. The point is that those who lean on their own understanding do not understand the ways of the Spirit. So, because they have nothing to show for the Spirit, they reject Him and His wisdom, which for them is a lack of reason or experiential knowledge.

These same people will wonder why I chose those who do not rely on understanding. Their shame is the knowledge that their way was the wrong way. Shame is not the same thing as condemnation.

Patrick, do not disengage your mind. On the contrary, engage it more fully by setting it on Me and letting My Holy Spirit guide you. To be foolish in the eyes of men is no big deal when in My eyes, you are My good and faithful servant, better yet, My best friend.